"Obi-Wan never told you the truth..."

Rationalization #2,987:

Ya just can't trust anything that Obi-Wan Kenobi says. I mean, everything the old geezer said in the original trilogy turned out to be a big ol' fat lie. Turns out, Vader was telling the truth all along. And not just "from a certain point of view."

Judging from the other two prequals, Obi-Wan was probably just too embarassed to tell Luke what REALLY happened. And honestly, if I had lived through Episodes I and II like Obi-Wan, I would've made up a bunch of bullshit to tell Luke, too.

"Oh, your father. Um, he was cool. Hey, look at this neat-o lightsaber!"

In less than five hours, I will be watching Episode III. Aw, yeah.

All these years, Obi-Wan tried to protect us from the awful truth about what really happened. He tried to shield us from the terrible knowledge of how truly lame the Old Republic was...and now we know. He tried to hide it from us. "Now his failure is complete."

Hehehehe. In honor of Episode III, I give you The Last Jedi Supper (via The Beat):