Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Some quotes they left out

My list is waaaay better than AFI's list.

Some folks over on this Comedy Study Kvetch Board thread are discussing the AFI's semi-decent-but-mostly-crummy-and-incomplete "Best Movie Quotes" list, adding their own quotes. Me, I hate lists. They always leave things out. But, today's Thursday. And on the Geek Council, coming up with the best movie quotes would be exactly the type of thing we'd do. So...

Here are some of my favorite quotes that were not included on AFI's list. Now. Since AFI already listed 100 quotes, there's no reason to repeat them here. Think of this as a personal addendum. These are simply additional quotes that should be noted...somewhere. In no way is this list complete. I know have multiple quotes from the same movies and I'm sure I left a bunch of your favorites out, but hey, that's just how I roll. These are just the first 100 quotes I thought of.

Some of these quotes are from classic movies, others are simply classic lines more akin to diamonds in the rough - great lines in otherwise forgettable films. Some are oft repeated lines in our pop culture that were conspicuously absent from this sort of list. All of these quotes are much beloved - and quoted - by yours truly. Which either means I am a beacon of pop culture or I have spent far too much time in front of the tv. Interpret as you will. In no particular order:

1. "Try not. Do or do not. There is no try." Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back, 1980.

2. "You've got me? Who's got you?" Lois Lane, Superman: The Movie, 1978.

3. "I've been...working out." Clark Kent, Superman II, 1980.

4. "I want an Oompa Loompa now!" Veruca Salt, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, 1971.

5. "I'm your huckleberry." Doc Holiday, Tombstone, 1993.

6. "Come to me, son of Jor-El. Kneel before Zod." Zod, Superman II, 1980.

7. "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride, 1987.

8. "Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?" Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, 1981.

9. "Every man on that transport died. Harry wasn't there to save them, because you weren't there to save Harry." Clarence, It's a Wonderful Life, 1946.

10. "Luke. I am your father." Darth Vader, The Empire Strikes Back, 1980.

11. "Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, 'In this world, Elwood, you must be' - she always called me Elwood - 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me." Elwood P. Dowd, Harvey, 1950.

12. "Inconceivable!" Vizzini, The Princess Bride, 1987.

13. "Sorry we hurt your field, mister." George, A Hard Day's Night, 1964.

14. "I was born a poor black child." Navin R. Johnson, The Jerk, 1979.

15. "We're on a mission from God." Elwood, The Blues Brothers, 1980.

16. "I'm Batman." Batman, Batman, 1989.

17. "Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament. [time passes] Big Ben. Parliament." [repeat several times] Clark Griswold, National Lampoon's European Vacation, 1985.

18. "Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?" Chicolini, Duck Soup, 1933.

19. "Of course you realize, this means war." Rufus T. Firefly, Duck Soup, 1933.

20. "Eh, what's up, Doc?" Bugs Bunny, first uttered in A Wild Hare, 1940.

21. "It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man." Ray Stantz, Ghostbusters, 1984.

22. "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say 'YES'!" Winston Zeddemore, Ghostbusters, 1984.

23. "There is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in the Army. We're mutants, there's something wrong with us, there's something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us. We're soldiers, American soldiers!" John Winger, Stripes, 1981.

24. "I want my two dollars!!!" Johnny the paper boy, Better Off Dead, 1985.

25. "Two men enter, one man leaves." Auntie Entity, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, 1985.

26. "That's it man, game over man, game over!" Hudson, Aliens, 1986.

27. "He pulls a knife, you pull a gun; he sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way." Jim Malone, The Untouchables, 1987.

28. "You really shouldn't shoot me, Johnny. My grandmother shot me once. Once!" Danny Vermin, Johnny Dangerously, 1984.

29. "We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly." Newt, Aliens, 1986.

30. "I want this guy dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!" Al Capone, The Untouchables, 1987.

31. "I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?" Tommy De Vito, Goodfellas, 1990.

32. "You ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?" The Joker, Batman, 1989.

33. "The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride." Marsellus Wallace, Pulp Fiction, 1994.

34. "'re crazy. I like you...but you're crazy." Frank "the Tank" Ricard, Old School, 2003.

35. "Mr. Anderson." Agent Smith, The Matrix, 1999.

36. "'UTTIN' ON THE 'IIIIITZ!!" The Monster, Young Frankenstein, 1974.

37. "Bring out the gimp." Zed, Pulp Fiction, 1994.

38. "Excuse me while I whip this out." Bart, Blazing Saddles, 1974.

39. "Don't be schtupid, be a schmahty / Come and join the Nazi pahty!" Mel Brooks singing v/o, The Producers, 1968.

40. "The bible is a book. It's a good book, but it's not the only book." Henry Drummond, Inherit the Wind, 1960.

41. "Who is more foolish: the fool or the fool who follows him?" Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars, 1977.

42. "I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, 'I drank what?'" Chris Knight, Real Genius, 1985.

43. "A toast to my big brother George: the richest man in town!" Harry Bailey, It's a Wonderful Life, 1946.

44. "Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." General George Patton, Patton, 1970.

45. "What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket, 1987.

46. "Son, you got a panty on your head." Guy in a pick-up truck, Raising Arizona, 1987.

47. "You don't know the power of the Dark Side." Darth Vader, Return of the Jedi, 1983.

48. "Good, bad...I'm the guy with the gun." Ash, Army of Darkness (theatrical release), 1993.

49. "I am Jack's complete lack of surprise." uh, Edward Norton - I guess his character is called 'Narrator', Fight Club, 1999.

50. "Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?" Princess Leia, Star Wars, 1977.

51. "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." Lloyd Dobbler, Say Anything, 1989.

52. "Don't speak." Helen Sinclair, Bullets Over Broadway, 1994.

53. "I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!" Captain Renault, Casablanca, 1942.

54. "I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes." Dark Helmut, Spaceballs, 1987.

55. "Too late, Luthor. Too late." Superman, Superman II, 1980.

56. "If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!" Drew, Office Space, 1999.

57. "These go to eleven." Nigel, This is Spinal Tap, 1984.

58. "The Dude abides." The Dude, The Big Lebowski, 1998.

59. "Help me. Help meeeeee!" Dr. Delambre, The Fly, 1958.

60. "Can she talk? Or does she just go 'thhhhhpppppbbbbbt'?" Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr (I looked it up!), The Man With Two Brains, 1983.

61. "Many Bothans died to bring us this information." Mon Mothma, Return of the Jedi, 1983.

62. "Bueller? Bueller?" Teacher (as played by Ben Stein), Ferris Bueller's Day Off, 1986.

63. "Say 'try' again, mother fucker! Say 'try' again!" Jules, Pulp Fiction, 1994.

64. "What a nice man. Of course he's Jewish." Lady at Niagra Falls, after Superman rescues a falling kid, Superman II, 1980.

65. "Never tell me the odds." Han Solo, The Empire Strikes Back, 1980.

66. "This is the West, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend." Maxwell Scott, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence, 1962.

67. "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Santa Claus (amongst others), A Christmas Story, 1983.

68. "I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." Mr. Garrison, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, 1999.

69. "No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. Dad, what about you? Fuck you." Bender, Breakfast Club, 1985.

70. "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum." Rowdy Roddy Piper, They Live, 1988.

71. "This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?" Charlie, Better Off Dead, 1985.

72. "Get your damn hands off her!" George McFly, Back to the Future, 1985.

73. "I find your lack of faith disturbing." Darth Vader, Star Wars, 1977.

74. "I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours." Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, 1986.

75. Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." Batman, Batman: The Movie, 1966.

76. "I kick ass for the Lord!" Father McGruder, Dead Alive, 1992.

77. "There is no spoon." Zen kid, The Matrix, 1999.

78. "Blue, you're my boy!" Frank "the Tank" Ricard, Old School, 2003.

79. "God. Do you even know your daughter? There's no way she likes that song. Oops, is she in a coma?" Barry, High Fidelity, 2000.

80. "No. Nooooo. That's not true. That's impossible!" Luke Skywalker, The Empire Strikes Back, 1980.

81. "I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel." Pee-Wee Herman, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, 1985

82. "So be it...Jedi." The Emperor, Return of the Jedi, 1983.

83. "I've seen the Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT!!" Betelguese, Beetlejuice, 1988.

84. "Who's the master, Leroy?" Sho'nuff, Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon, 1985.

85. "I'd buy that for a dollar!" Robocop, 1987.

86. "It's their time. Their time, up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket." Mikey, The Goonies, 1985.

87. "So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it." Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, 1971.

88. "WOLVERINES!" Red Dawn, 1984.

89. "Yippee-ki-aye, motherfucker." John McClane, Die Hard, 1988.

90. "You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We all make mistakes. Of course, when we make mistakes they call it evil. When God makes mistakes, they call it... nature. So. Whaddya think? Women: a mistake ... or DID HE DO IT TO US ON PURPOSE?! Daryl Van Horne, The Witches of Eastwick, 1987.

91. "In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock." Harry Lime, The Third Man, 1949.

92. "Why is it I can never get it on with the good guys?" Miss Teschmacher, Superman: the Movie, 1978.

93. "It's good to be the king." King Loius XVI, History of the World, Part I, 1981.

94. "Get off my plane!" President James Marshall, Air Force One, 1997.

95. "I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies." Prissy, Gone With the Wind, 1939.

96. "I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television." Big Bird, The Muppet Movie, 1979.

97. "I must break you." Drago, Rocky IV, 1985.

98. "MISS TESCHMACHER!" Lex Luthor, Superman: the Movie, 1978.

99. "You wanna see something really scary?" Dan Aykroyd, Twilight Zone the Movie, 1983.

100. "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, 1984.

Aaaaaand, number 101, just because this should have been there in the first place:

101. "There can be only ONE!" Highlander, 1986.