Thursday, July 21, 2005

Thursday Geek Out

The other night, I caught a late night episode of an old Justice League short from the swingin’ 60s which has one of my all time favorite Superman quotes ever.

Chasing an extra-terrestrial fugitive to Earth, evil aliens dispatch a “magno-missile” to our planet and pull the Earth out of its orbit (you could do that back in those crazy days). As the invading aliens prepare to attack, the ever-vigilant Justice League springs into action! Taking decisive action, Superman quickly barks out commands:

Superman: "Flash, you and the Atom take care of the magno-missile."

Flash: "Check."

Superman: "Hawkman, you take care of Valkar."

Hawkman: "There's no safer place than by my side."

Superman: "You hold off the invading army, Green Lantern. I'll go push the Earth back."

“I’ll go push the Earth back.”

I’LL GO PUSH THE EARTH BACK! Dude! Forget the fact that Green Lantern - in all his glorious bad-ass splendor - holds off an entire ARMY of alien invaders – Superman pushes the Earth back into its orbit. The entire planet Earth. And he says it so casually, like he’s taking out the garbage. Of course he’s going to push back the Earth. Of course. Duh.

How can you not love comic books and cartoons after that?!

And the best part: nobody thinks this is out of the ordinary. Like, the Flash never thinks, “Hey, pushing the Earth back, that sounds pretty hard.” Nope. He and the Atom rush off to destroy the poorly-named magno-missile. The Atom never even takes a moment to reflect on the insignificance of his powers next to the overwhelming might of Superman. Hawkman is cool just chillin’ with his new homey Valkor. Everyone just sort of plays along, as if baby-sitting some whiny alien refuge is the same as juggling planets. It doesn’t even occur to them that really, Superman doesn’t even need their help; he’s just giving them some busy work to keep them occupied. He wouldn’t want them to feel bad while, ya know, he pushes the Earth back! He’s just that kind of guy. It’s just one more of his many powers; the power of being super-cool.

And just because Superman is powerful enough to put ol’ lady Earth back in her place, don’t think he doesn’t know how to sweet talk the ladies. While doing what appears to be a super-hand-stand as he pushes the planet back into orbit, the Man of Steel grunts, “Don’t … fight me … Mother Earth.” That’s right, Earth. The Man of Tomorrow is just trying to do right by you. So let him do his thing so you can do yours, baby. He’s doing it for you, sugar. All for you. Shhhh. Don't fight it. Just relax. Shhhhh.

In the span of 90 seconds, the Earth is back in orbit, the alien army defeated, the galaxy is protected, and humanity has been saved once more. All thanks to … the Justice League. But mostly Superman.

Now, if you’ll excuse me…I have to go push the Earth back.