Thursday, April 28, 2005

The Abyss Gazes Also

So, it's Thursday. And as some readers might know, back in my Boston days, I used to do a monthly Thursday show called the Geek Council with these guys. Actually, to be technical, the show was called "The Grand High Council of All Things True" ... but I digress. Yet again.

Anyway - the point is, it's Thursday and Thursdays hold a special place in my geek heart. Which brings me to the point of this particular post. Mike Sterling mentions a Watchmen musical over on Progessive Ruin, specifically relating this conversation:

Me: "Yeah, I saw Warren Ellis' comment about this on his site...and about how he wouldn't be surprised if the Watchmen movie turned out to be a musical."

D: "Actually, I'd like to see a musical verison of Watchmen."

Me (singing): "I feel so bluuuuuue...."

Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Funny thing about geeks...

Long before David Bowie even mentioned that he'd like to turn Watchmen into a rock opera - waaaay back in September of 2002, WBCN's own uber-geek Rob Reuter joked on our message board that he was waiting to see the Watchmen which, Ross and I responded by writing up several songs from said musical. So now, for your reading pleasure, excerpts from our Watchmen: the Musical. Blame Rob Reuter.

I kicked things off with this hastily written ditty:

"They called for the Doct-or, Dr. Manhatten.
I am the Doct-or, I have my own patent.

With a wave of my hand,
I'll turn glass into sand;
I can equate the precise rate at which matter can relate;
out of time I might fall but I will still heed the call;
have I made it quite clear, quarks and leptons I hold dear.
What the future may hold, do I know what will happen?
Yes! for I am the Doct-or - I'm Dr. Manhatten."

Ross responded with:

Dead dog in the alley
Nobody cares
Dead alien thing in the city
Everybody stares.

Veidt sees his wrong as right
That's no surprise
Everything looks black and white
When you see the world through
Rorschach's eeeeeeeeyes!

So then I wrote the opening number:

(Cry No) Tears For a Clown - *opening number*

The Comedian's dead (who is that? Should I weep?)
And the city's in bed (why is that? Should they sleep?)
And the moon, like a god, straddles the skyyyyyyyy!

Has the world really changed (Is it true? What he says?)
Are the heroes estranged (Are we here? In a haze?)
Could it be, is he right? That the end is niiiiiiigh?

Cry no tears for this clown
For vile deeds fill his past
and while no villain was found
surely he will laugh last!

Smiley face filled with stains
For ourselves we must fend
But the question remains
Who watches...the WatchMEN!

Ross then gave us this haunting duet:

A long time ago, I prowled the street
I searched high and low for crime.
But so many years wear on an old man's feet
And after a while I knew it was my time.

Who has a care for an ooold Night Owl
Who Who? Hoo Hoo?
Who has a prayer for an oold Night Owl
Who Who? Hoo Hoo?

I tried to make things right.
I hope I did some good.
But I'm through with the Night.
I'm done with my tiiiime, Under the Hood.

I once met a man who changed my life.
I tried to be just like him.
I'd use gadgetry to ease people's strife
I fought villains no matter how grim.

I dedictaed my life to fighting crime
I made the world better in my spare time
But the damned Keene Act cut me down in my prime.


Who has a care for an ooold Night Owl
Who Who? Hoo Hoo?
Who has a prayer for an oold Night Owl
Who Who? Hoo Hoo?

I tried to make things right.

I hope I did some good.

But I'm through with the Night.

Hollis and Daniel:
I'm done with my tiiiime, Under the Hood.

Quoth Ross: "Not a dry eye in the house, baby."

But now Ozymandias needed his own showstopper. Which I was happy to give him:

'Look Upon My Works, Ye Mighty (and Despair)'

What hell hath men wrought?
who shall lead the way?
Cannot they be taught?
I've not yet had my say...

I've traveled far and near,
deep answers I have sought
Alone I stand, I fear
I must free the world from this Gordian Knot...

And when the mighty fall!
I shall rise above them all
My path is clear, my mind is strong

Your pleas have all been heard
My wrath has been incurred
this is my plan, this is my song

You foolish humans all know
And now I see I can end
An end to war, shall be no more, an end to waaaaaaaaar!

And when the mighty fall!
I shall rise above them all
To win it all takes sacrifice

I've given up all this
even my dear Bu-ba-stis
To save mankind, but at what price?

Ross then asked, what about the people?
Tick tock
tick tock
tick tock
tick tock

Look at all the clocks
Hey it's almost noon.
Boy the time does fly
Gonna have a biiig war soon.

Tick tock
tick tock
tick tock

Look at all the clocks.
Just about midnight.
I should get to bed
Oh no a teeeenemant fire.

Tick tock
tick tock

Look at all the clocks.
Once again it's noon.
Something's in the air
Feels like impeeeending doom.

Tick tock

Look at all the clocks
Eleven thirty five
Boy my life's a mess
But hey, there's allllllways ti--

Gotta love an abrupt ending!

At this point, Rob realizes the evil that he has unleashed upon the world and chimes in:

Yes, and all the songs are very funny. However, you understand that
I'll need to kill you both for this.

However, if anyone can write a Silk Spectre song that references the
Tijuana Bible porno comic, they'll have my undying respect.

Hrm. Sounded like a challenge to me. And I'm not one to shy away from a challenge. Besides, how could I pass up the chance to earn Reuter's undying respect? Soooooo:

(singing to a picture of her daughter)

Is this the life I've led?
One filled with fame and glory
And as I lie here in bed
there must be more to this story

My life has past, my child is grown
her spirit strong and true
I see these are the seeds I've sown,
my legacy lives on through you

Through you, I can still feel that thrill
Through you, my dreams you can fulfill
Through you, my past slips through my fingers
Through you, the warm glow of Nostalgia lingers!

My precious child, I've done you wrong
For your forgiveness, I'll even grovel
I sit here now, my face grown long
while I spread my legs in some 10-cent novel

For in my heart, my spirit rages
And I'm still young within those pages
But now the day has turned to night
and I must share my burdened plight

Our secret tryst, I hid from you
And even tho' I always knew
My dear sweet Eddie now lies dead
And I sit here, alone in bed

I tried to protect you all along,
and now through you/ my mem'ry will always/

And there you have it. Watchmen: the Musical, by Benari and Ross. Now, if you'll excuse, I'm pretty sure Alan Moore is conjuring up some magikal hell for me...