Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Friday, July 24, 2009


I like that Google looked like this today.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

As seen on facebook

"Goo goo ga joob."

One of my buddies posted video of this horrifying Walrus mask on on his facebook page, to which I replied:

"From the month-long Bothan raves to the seemingly endless lines of "Correlian Marching Powder" he would snort, Walrus Man thought the decadence of 1977 would last forever. He was wrong. Tragically wrong. His collaborater and best friend, Snaggletooth, would never even live to see how bad things would get by the 80's..."

-from Inside the Cantina: a tale of scum and villainy

To which my buddy replied:

He buried most of his friends in the 80's, Benari. But was the Times reporting THAT?! WHERE was their evolved sensibility then?!

My reply:

There were numerous plays written about it throughout the 80's and well into the 90's, including "Tauntauns," "...And the Cantina Band Played On," "Love! Ewoks! Compassion!" And of course, the sprawling epic "Angels in Alderaan" by noted bounty hunter-turned-playwright Dengar.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Let Freedom Ring

We kind of had fireworks last night...what with the rocket/mortar attacks. Yay, Independence!

To Independence, Freedom, Democracy, Mom, Apple Pie, Truth, Justice, and the American Way!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

July. A month for independence.

Happy Day AFTER "Victory over America" Day!

Yep. They love us.

Funny how the new Iraqi government is now taking pot shots at us for essentially creating the circumstances which allowed for them to take power in the first place.

Also, the Iraqis celebrate events by indiscriminately shooting weapons into the air.

Hm. We've basically just turned Iraq into Texas.

Please note: My views and opinions do not in ANY WAY, shape, or form represent those of the Army, the US, it Government, its citizens, its subsidiaries, its share holders, its global assets, or any combination thereof.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Welcome Back Rogers

No one could have predicted that Steve Rogers would once again triumphantly return from the dead!

But yes, Steve Rogers will once again be shield-slinging in the familiar Red, White, & Blue. And when he once again throws his mighty shield, all those who chose to oppose his shield must yield.

Welcome back, Cap.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

How do you get to Colbert's writers' room? Just get deployed to Iraq!

Here's a quick round-up of what I've been up to this week:

The Lowell Sun has a nice mention of me in the Sunday Column:

STAND-UP COMIC and Army Sgt. 1st Class Benari Poulten rubbed elbows recently in Baghdad with political satirist and Comedy Central star Stephen Colbert.

"He was in Iraq for a few days for a USO tour, and I managed to end up in his makeshift writers room during part of the visit," Poulten e-mailed The Sun from Iraq. "Just think, I had been in NYC for 5 years, and I had to go all the way to Baghdad to end up in Colbert's writers room."

Colbert's visit has been widely reported, because he declared the war in Iraq officially over and had his head shaved, Army-style, after a videotaped order from President Barack Obama.

Poulten, who grew up in Chelmsford, is part of a multinational force in Baghdad specializing in civil and public affairs as a liaison to the Iraqi media.

Before being deployed in January, Benari was in New York, where he most recently worked in a comedy club show with Liz Winstead, a co-creator of The Daily Show, where Colbert got his start.

Benari has also rubbed elbows with Lowellian Mehmed Ali, an arts/culture liaison with the Iraqi government.

"They're on different sides of Baghdad, but have seen each other when Benari goes to the American Embassy," said Sam Poulten, Benari's father.

When he returns, "hopefully by Christmas," Benari will likely return to New York to resume his comedy writing and stand-up career.

He hopes his backstage brush with Colbert, who taped four episodes of his show there, opens doors.

"He's a terrific guy and the shows were hilarious -- and he was nice enough to take a pic backstage," Benari e-mailed.

Don't know how many doors it'll open up, but it was pretty cool. Colbert and his entire staff were fantastic and could not have been nicer to me. And since one of Colbert's goals was to bring more attention to the troops still here in Iraq, I'd say "Mission ccomplished." There's nothing politically volatile about that phrase, right?

My old boss and good pal Pat Cook is also mentioned in Column for his dry wit and humor. And what's this? Why, yes, he also had a thing or two to say about my brush with fame.

And of course, NYC buddy and comedy aficionado Sean McCarthy had a nice mention of me over on his blog, The Comic's Comic, one of the best resources of comedy insight on the world wide web.

I'll follow up soon with some more behind the scenes tales from the front lines of Baghdad.


Friday, June 05, 2009

Yes. I'm talking about the weather.

Weather today: 115℉.

Weather tonight: sand-stormy.

I can't figure out why so many people in this country are angry .

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Forever Jung

So, what does it mean when you have a dream...

With FALCOR in it. You know, Falcor? The Luck Dragon? From The Neverending Story?

So, what does that mean when you dream of Falcor?

Not flying, mind you. He was curled up. On a couch. Yawning. Totally chill. I think he smiled.

He wasn't even a main character in the dream. He was a background piece, a bit player in a larger dream, the details of which I can't remember. And it wasn't even some outrageous, fantastical trip through the imagination. The locale was far from extraordinary. I think we were in a may have even been a psychiatrist's office. Analyze THAT.

So. Yeah. I had a dream and in that dream I saw Falcor curled up on a couch like a puppy.

The End.

...or is it...?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Of memorials and anniversaries

I will be memorializin' the HELL out of this weekend.

Also, Star Wars premiered 32 years ago.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Radiohead vs.

What the...?!

When Radiohead refused to meet Miley Cyrus and Kanye West at the Grammy Awards last month, the starlet threatened to "ruin" them and the rapper refused to stand for their performance. Now the In Rainbows band is fighting back.

Could this possibly be setting the stage for a future "make-up" collaboration - maybe the strangest cross-genre/pan-generational musical team-up ever?!

But the question remains...why? WHY would Thom Yorke diss THE Hannah Montana and THE Kanye West like that?

Blame it on the black star. Blame it on the falling sky...

Friday, March 06, 2009

"Time's up! Time's here..for the Watchmen. Watch out!"

Somehow I don't think we're that far off from this actually being a cartoon...

I think the Bubastis-as-Snarf/Scooby might be my favorite...

I cannot believe that I'm missing out on WATCH-MANIA, the geekiest cultural event since Episode I.

Here's a quick look back at the unpublished WATCHMEN musical Ross and I once joked about writing.

And when they finally DO make the musical...well, the joke will be on us.

Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Clean Coal reposted

Just a reminder, we did Clean Coal way before it became all cool.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

"Let's Believe in Love!"

In honor of this year's Hallmark-sponsored celebration of love and romance, I offer up this slice of awesome.

For the ladies.

This is the grand finale (spoiler alert!) to Alyas Batman en Robin, a bootleg Filipino spoof of the beloved caped crusaders as they battle their fearsome foes in an epic battle of good vs. evil.

Good buddy Ross is really the one to blame for this, as he once described this Bollywood-esque fever dream to me... and I then spent four years trying to track down this flick; I finally found a bootleg copy at Midtown Comics in NYC in '03 and proudly presented Ross with, what I think, is one of the best birthday gifts ever.

So, if you want to see the full-length feature (and I defy anyone to actually make it through the entire thing in one sitting), go bug Ross or swing by Midtown Comics.

I think the entire thing might even be on YouTube... *shudder*

For anyone who hasn't seen it (and that probably includes most everyone, except Ross. And maybe this guy), Alys Batman en Robin is a foreign flick that inexplicably slips into song...sung in English. I mean, here you are, enjoying an incomprehensible bank heist sequence, entirely in (I think) Filipino, when all of a sudden, the Joker and the Penguin burst into a rousing rendition of "We steal," sung to the tune of Chuck Berry's Lucille.

This goes on for about 2 hours, culminating in...this...ending:

It's a way more upbeat ending than The Dark Knight. And it's catchy, too!

Let's be good, not bad/
Let us not be bad!
(That's better)
Let's be good, not bad/
Let's believe in LOVE!

How true.

So, this Valentine's Day, I say to you:

Let's be good, not bad. Let's believe in love!

And don't forget to be afraid of GOD!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Bar mitzvah

Way to go, Israel!

No, I'm not talking about the recent elections or the stand-off with Hamas.

I'm referring to Bar Refaeli, who became the first Israeli to grace the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. If ever there was a chance to bring sustained peace to the Middle East, Israel has finally provided an offering I think the entire world can get behind.

Although, the victory may be bitter-sweet for the Tribe, as she's dating Leonardo DiCaprio. DiCaprio...that's Sephardic, yes?


Nice job, Jews!

Monday, February 09, 2009

You don't need a Grammy to know you're good

I did not see the Grammys, but I enjoyed this on the YouTube this morning.

The audio quality is crummy, but the performance is still fairly awesome.

Also, didn't everyone watching find it just the slightest bit hilariously ironic that Gwyneth Paltrow (married to Coldplay's Chris Martin) introduced Radiohead with glowing affection? Well played, Gwyneth.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

WHY I SHOULD... Part...let's say 1, in a series

When I have some down time, I think about what I would do if I ran things.

Which leads to our new series here at Number 9:


In today's installment, we take a look at why I should be put in charge of making that scrapped HBO Preacher series. Sure, a Preacher movie is currently being developed, but we (and by we, I mean, Geeks) all know that it should be an HBO series.

So, here's reason number one why I should make a Preacher series for HBO.

The theme song would be Johnny Cash's version of Personal Jesus.

Monday, February 02, 2009

If the Groundhog sees his shadow...

..a Jew gets six more months of Baghdad. or something.

Hey. Also. It's Hug a Jew Day. Apparently.

Happy Hug a Jew Day!

Man without a catchphrase

As a comic, I think it's important to note the passing of a great catchphrase. To wit:

I can't wait to get my "Extraordinary, Complex and Interconnected Global Challenges" campaign ribbon!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

International Man of Blogging

Where does he find the time to win a war AND guest blog?

Well, all that time I spend NOT blogging on my own damn site has really paid off!

Friend, fellow NYU alum and screenwriter/playwright extraordinaire Ross Maxwell has a deviously acerbic and hilariously macabre little blog called DreadWhimsy. A blog I very much enjoy.

Crossing cultural, religious, socio-economic and geo-political boundaries, Ross has graciously offered to let me "guest write" a few entries in a rarely seen collaboration between the LA theatre community (read: gays) and the US military industrial complex (Jews who run the world)*.

So check out DreadWhimsy and enjoy some profoundly disturbing laughs.

By the way, this is currently my favorite one from Ro-- er, I mean, Prof. DreadWhimsy...

*you realize I am using satire here. I'm just kidding. There are no gays in LA...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Dead Man, turned on

Even here in Baghdad, I can always get the REALLY important news...

Rumors--with wings--have been flying all day since British tabloids the Sunday Mirror and Sunday Telegraph published reports that Paul McCart…er, make that Sir Paul McCartney, is poised to marry gal pal Nancy Shevell, whom he began dating a little over a year ago in the midst of his messy $50 million divorce from Heather Mills.

But wait. There's more:

While the ex-Beatle may be the musical one in this couple, the very well-heeled Shevell's life story can perhaps be best summed up with her own theme song: "Keep On Truckin.'" She has spent the last 25 years working for her father's New Jersey-based New England Motor Freight Company, which back in the 1980s was investigated (though never officially put on trial) by the federal government for possible ties to organized crime. Additionally, Shevell has since 2001 been a member of the board of New York State's Metropolitan Transportation Authority, a position she was appointed to by former New York Governor George Pataki, who also just happened to appoint Shevell's former and newly divorced husband, Republican lawyer Robert Blakeman, to a high transportation-related position with the state. (All of which, I guess, would seem to imply that maybe it's McCartney who'd better play this marriage carefully)

She even has New England ties! Possible mob ties...but still, New England ties! And ties to NYC.

I'M from New England! And I live in NYC!

I could possibly be from the same geographical location as a place/places where SIR PAUL McCARTNEY'S possible fiance's father's New Jersey-based (possible mob-related) business had (possibly shady) dealings!

I'm practically his best man.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Happy New President Day!

Welcoming the new Commander-in-Chief with a cyber/virtual (terrorist) fist-pump.

Seconds after the inauguration of the 44th
president of the United States, Sgt. 1st Class
Theresa Snow, Headquarters Support Company,
Task Force Dragon, Multi-National Corps-Iraq,
hangs the new commander in chief’s photo at
the Sports Oasis Dining Facility at Camp
Victory, Iraq, Jan. 20.
(U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Jason R. Krawczyk)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Yes. I admit. My posting has been spotty. know, the war and all.

I'm sitting on a duffel bag in a tent right now, hunched over my laptop which is resting on a cot...THIS is the modern military. Finding new and innovative ways to stay wireless and connected to the rest of the world.

Since my unit is a public affairs unit (we are the 314th PUBLIC AFFAIRS OPERATIONS CENTER, after all), our Sergeant Major thought it might be good idea to keep a running blog of our experiences. A blog I happened to name. So, I should probably also pimp it out here, for the one or two people who still might be reading....

Check out Blogs Over Baghdad to read the true life experiences, perspectives, and thoughts of actual deployed accordance with DoD and military protocol, of course. You'll even get to read the occasional post from me.

Hey! Here's one now!

See? War's not so bad. And democracy MUST be working...there's an actual Starbucks in Kuwait. Here I am enjoying a nice cup of freedom:

Mmm. I love the taste of freedom in the morning.