VP "accidentally" shoots some dude

Let me repeat this:

The Vice President of the United States has actually shot a man.

Cheney shoots man on Texas quail hunting trip
Man wounded in accidental shooting said to be ‘alert and doing fine’

BREAKING NEWS
The Associated Press
Updated: 4:25 p.m. ET Feb. 12, 2006


WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday.

Harry Whittington, 78, was “alert and doing fine” after Cheney sprayed him with shotgun pellets on Saturday while the two were hunting at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.

Armstrong said Whittington was mostly injured on his right side, with the pellets hitting his cheek, neck and chest, and was taken to the hospital by ambulance.

Whittington was in stable condition Sunday, said Yvonne Wheeler, spokeswoman for the Christus Spohn Health System.

Cheney’s spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, said the vice president was with Whittington, a lawyer from Austin, Texas, and his wife at the hospital on Sunday afternoon.

Armstrong said she was watching from a car while Cheney, Whittington and another hunter got out of the vehicle to shot at a covey of quail late afternoon on Saturday.

Whittington shot a bird and went to look for it in the tall grass, while Cheney and the third hunter walked to another spot and found a second covey.

Whittington “came up from behind the vice president and the other hunter and didn’t signal them or indicate to them or announce himself,” Armstrong told the Associated Press in an interview.

“The vice president didn’t see him,” she continued. “The covey flushed and the vice president picked out a bird and was following it and shot. And by God, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good.”

The shooting was first reported by the Corpus Christi Caller-Times. The vice president's office did not disclose the accident until nearly 24 hours after it happened.

Here's how I think the conversation on that hunting trip went:

Cheney: So, Harry, I heard the Grand Jury's been asking you some questions...

Whittington: Hm? Oh, yeah, Dick. But you got nuthin' t'worry about.

Cheney: Of course. Of course. I just...wanted to be sure that you're on board with us.

Whittington: Oh, yeah. Don't you fret, Dick. I just answered a few questions, told them what they wanted to hear.

Cheney: But you didn't tell them everything.

Whittington: Oh, no. No. 'Course not. Don't worry, Dick. We're good. You gotta trust me.

Cheney: I'm not worried, Harry. I know I can trust you.

Whittington: I won't tell them nuthin' about you.

Cheney: I know you won't, Harry. Hey, isn't that a quail over there in the bushes?

Whittington: Where? Over --

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Cheney: I know you won't tell them anything.


Aaaaaaaaaaaaand scene.

Even your pets are watching you

Kitten Goes Undercover in Vet Scam Probe

By TOM HAYS, Associated Press WriterWed Feb 8, 6:09 PM ET

He came from the streets of Brooklyn, a cool customer on four legs, the perfect bait for a sting on a fake veterinarian.

Meet Fred, undercover kitten.

This sounds like the opening of a Disney pitch meeting.

Authorities on Wednesday introduced the 8-month-old former stray cat that posed as a would-be patient while police investigated a college student accused of treating pets without a license.

At a news conference, Fred sported a tiny badge on his collar as he posed for photos with owner Carol Moran, a prosecutor.

"He's pretty easygoing, a real Brooklyn guy," Moran said.

Fred shared the spotlight with Burt the Boston terrier, an alleged victim of Steven Vassall, 28, who was arrested last week and released on $2,500 bail.

Burt's owner, Raymond Reid, contacted authorities after the dog survived a botched operation. In hindsight, he said, he should have been suspicious of a veterinarian who only made house calls and treated animals at an undisclosed location.

Vassall "seemed like a genuinely nice guy," Reid said. "I'm glad they caught him, but at the same time I feel sorry for him."

snip

Joyce Clemmons of the nonprofit Animal Care and Control, which rescued Fred, predicted the kitten had a future in law enforcement.

"He's going to be the detective for the animal world," she said.

Must...resist...easy joke...

can't...resist....

A kitten with a badge. I bet he gets a lot of pussy.

what's the Arabic word for "irony"...?

Okay...so there's this story.

In short, a cartoonist provides satirical commentary that some extremists have perverted the Muslim faith and the word of Muhammad, using it as an excuse for violence.

The 12 cartoons published on 30 September 2005 by the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten show the Muslim Prophet Muhammad in a variety of humorous or satirical situations.

The pictures accompanied an editorial criticising self-censorship after Danish writer Kare Bluitgen complained that he was unable to find an illustrator for his children's book about the Prophet.

Some of the images appear to be quite gentle in their message - the Prophet wandering through the desert with the sun setting behind him, or his face merging with an Islamic star and crescent.

Others, however, seem to be more deliberately provocative towards Muslims, most notably showing Muhammad carrying a lit bomb on his head decorated with the Muslim declaration of faith instead of a turban.

One shows Muhammad brandishing a sword ready for a fight. His eyes are blacked out while two women stand behind him with their Islamic dress leaving only their eyes uncovered.

Another image shows Muhammad standing on a cloud holding back a line of smouldering suicide bombers, saying: "Stop, we have run out of virgins" - a reference to the supposed reward for Islamic martyrs.

Some Muslims have been offended, saying it portrays Muslims as violent, bloodthirsty, irrational extremists.

The portrayal of the Prophet Muhammad and Muslims in general as terrorists is seen as particularly offensive.

And how do these Muslims respond?

Through violent, bloodthirsty, irrational and extreme behavior, of course.

The anti-Danish protests have been repeated across the Muslim world, and have led to at least eight deaths in Afghanistan and one in Somalia.

The latest three deaths in Afghanistan came on Tuesday in an exchange of gunfire with Afghan police and Nato peacekeepers in the north-western town of Meymaneh, witnesses said.

Nato peacekeepers sent 120 British reinforcements to the town after hundreds of Afghans protesting at the cartoons attacked a Norwegian-led base.

Yep. Way to prove that Danish cartoonist wrong.

Brilliant Quote O' the Day

"He's out. And you're out, too. And I dont think I'm in, either. No gang!"

-Dignan
(Owen Wilson)

Bottle Rocket

Screenplay by Owen Wilson & Wes Anderson

Bonus Dignan Quote!

"They'll never catch me... because I'm fucking innocent."

Jury's still out on Global Warming

Current Location: Brooklyn, NY

Current date: February 3rd, 2006

Current Temperature: 61° F

News on the March!

Intel Chiefs Say Disclosures Damage Work

U.S. intelligence officials told Congress on Thursday that disclosure of once-classified projects like President Bush's no-warrant eavesdropping program have undermined their work.

How can we illegally and unconstitutionally spy on American citizens if everybody knows about it?!

If it were legal, we wouldn't have to keep it secret. Duh.

I suppose we should just tell everyone about the secret plan to hike gas prices, too. Is that what you want, hippies?

Visionary philosopher

I just took an online IQ test and this is how I scored:

137. Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others and at anticipating and predicting patterns.

Which means I have no discernible practical skills and I'm not quite a genius (140). Great.

I've taken a few of these before and I usually score somewhere between 134 and 138. Still shy of genius. Always a bridesmaid, I guess...

On the plus side:

I took this online Mensa test and got 25 out of 33 ... which is apparently pretty good. It says anything over 19 is a genius. Not so sure about that, but...any test that says I'm smart is okay in my book!

Friends don't let friends karaoke drunk...

I believe in miracles!
Where you from
You sexy thing
(you sexy thing, you)



We've all made mistakes in our lives...

Hot Live Comedy

Tonight!

Sweet Paprika
The D Lounge
Basement Level
101 E. 15th Street
right outside Union Square East

Monkey Beat

"They send one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue. That's the Monkey way."

That's what I imagine the Monkey Jim Malone would tell Monkey Eliot Ness.


People who don't believe in science and all that monkey stuff, here's what you're missing out on:

Monkey cops!!!!

Monkey cops keep the peace among groups
When 'law enforcement' removed, monkey society becomes divisive

By Bjorn Carey

New research reveals that monkey cops help keep social groups in line.

Not having guns or nightsticks, they leverage their group seniority, craft intimidating reputations and count on good voter turnout.

Take the primate police out of a group, as researchers did, and the rest get more violent and aggressive. Interaction between cliques drops significantly.

"It's not just that violence goes up, but a whole range of behavior involving a whole range of individuals suddenly disappears," said David Krakauer of the Santa Fe Institute. "It's like saying you take police out of human society, and all of a sudden people stop going to the opera, or something more important."

The study, detailed in today's issue of the journal Nature, also uncovered a complex monkey "voting" system for appointing the peacekeepers.

Peacekeepers 'appointed'
Pigtailed macaque monkeys, Macaca nemestrina, don't just pull into town like Wyatt Earp or Dirty Harry and take over. They have to be "appointed" to the position.

Instead of a paper ballot, inferior monkeys bare their teeth to a more dominant member of the group.

"It's like they're saying, ‘You don't have to beat me up to establish your dominance, I'm simply telling you that you are,'" Krakauer told LiveScience.

When an individual receives these voting signals from most of the group, it shows he is well respected — or feared — and he becomes the new sheriff in town.

In general, the larger and more senior monkeys are voted into the policing role.

But having a gang to back you up counts for something, too. A single Schwarzenegger-like monkey may not receive as many "votes" from the group as a smaller individual with several brothers.

On the job
Once elected, police monkeys earn certain rights and responsibilities, one of which is to peacefully settles conflicts. They usually do this by stepping between combatants or chasing bad monkeys away. Very rarely do they need to dish out a whooping, but their actions are always respected by the group.

When Krakauer and his colleagues removed the police force — which in this case consisted of three males, but can also include females — they saw a drastic change in a once peaceful, interactive society.

The creatures split into cliques, mostly based on tight family relationships or friendships, and then interacted about as well as high school jocks and band geeks.

"The policers are indirectly providing the security needed for complex forms of social interaction to take place," Krakauer said. "The monkeys are afraid of approaching each other if the policers are not there to resolve a potential conflict."

© 2006 LiveScience.com. All rights reserved.

Sure, it's all fun and games 'til the monkeys come for you. Monkey cops. They're out there.

The Wisdom of Aquaman

Watching cartoons late night on Boomerang often yields awesome gems. Like episodes of the 1967 Aquaman animated series.




In tonight's episode, "The Brain, the Brave, and the Bold", Aquaman uttered the oddly appropriate quote:

"It just goes to show: you can have a brain...and still not be very smart."

If only you knew how right you are, Aquaman. If only you knew...

Brilliant Underrated Movie Quote O' the Day

Today's brilliant quote comes from the 1997 movie The House of Yes:

"Goo is what tape is all about. Goo is what makes it tape. Without goo, it would just be paper."

-Jackie-O
(Parker Posey)

Original play written by Wendy MacLeod.

Screenplay adapted by Mark Waters.

Reminder - THE CALL

Tune in to NY1's The Call at 9PM!

Just quickly glancing at the website, the top stories right now are kind of...um, morbid?

1 Hospital Arraignment For Shootout Suspect

2 Investigators: Cocaine May Have Caused Death Of Bronx Toddler

3 No Deal: TWU Head Rejects Latest Transit Contract Offer

4 Police: School Handyman Filmed Women At Farmer's Market

This could be awkward. HILARIOUSLY awkward. So go to their website and vote for funnier news stories! RIGHT NOW!!

And then tune in tonight and see what happens.

Look: as we squirm uncomfortably in response to another pending transit strike!

Listen: as we babble incoherently about news items we have no real knowledge of!

Laugh: as we mock unsuspecting callers who sit at home and watch NY1 on a Friday night!


The show's a blast and I think it's pretty cool that they're so good to local comics. They always treat us well and it's a fun way to spend 1/2 an hour. They're good folks over there at NY1. And they're probably reading this now...

HI!

Watch as I attempt humor while Newbower stares at himself in the monitor.

Tune in tonight and watch the magic happen...right before your eyes!

Special

Found something wacky and disturbing over on Progressive Ruin. No real surprise there.

The Superhero Kit

Look!


You get a special booklet on "how to be a superhero."

You get a special superhero mask.

You get a special supehero award, just for you...for being so super!

You get a special "special person" sticker...okay, now we're getting a little crazy here. You go around with a sticker like that, everyone's gonna know you're a superhero. Which is fine, but hello! You're trying to protect your secret identity! That's why you're wearing the mask! Already, we see flaws in the logic here.

Oh, and don't forget the special festive noiseblower. Um. Unless you're a New Year's Eve-themed superhero, why do you need this? I guess it's for celebrating the destruction of evil...or for alerting every woman in the nearby area that you will be a virgin for life. Happy New Year!

I'm guessing this kit is for the same dudes who would wear a T-Shirt that says:

FBI:
Federal
Booby
Inspector

The Call

I'll be on NY1's The Call again tomorrow night at 9PM with our own Danny Newbower!

Tune in! Last time we were on, they thought Michael Jackson may have died and we were asked to joke about it. See which potential celebrity death we'll openly mock tomorrow night! It will also be fun if anyone reading this can drunkenly phone in and ask us nonsensical questions. Thank you. And watch the Call!

It's peanut butter jelly time!

Ross stumbled across this little internet sensation a few years ago and passed it onto me. And occasionally, it will get stuck in my head.

Like now.

See, every so often, there's this guy on the corner of 34th and 6th (roughly) dressed as a giant banana handing out leaflets for a health food chain. And he's usually bouncing around and singing a little song. Which reminds me of this:



It's peanut butter jelly time!

And now it's stuck in my head. So, I pass it along to all of you. I double-dog dare you NOT to get it stuck in your head...

Special bonus link:

Here's Brian from Family Guy...with a baseball bat!

Playwright in Twaining

I'm doing research for a play and I came across this insightful Mark Twain quote (aren't they all). As true today as ever.

"To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure gradual deterioration of the public morals."

-quoted in Mark Twain's Autobiography
A.B. Paine, ed. Harper, 1924.

Special bonus quote, in light of the corruption-laden scandals plaguing the current Republican-controlled Congress. Additional note: I have a shirt with this quotation, which I often wore during my tenure as a Congressional Aide. Oh, I am so subversive.

Quoth Mark Twain:

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

Arrrrrr!

Avast, mateys! Pirates! Arrrr!

From the wires:

The U.S. Navy boarded an apparent pirate ship in the Indian Ocean and detained 26 men for questioning, the Navy said Sunday.

The 16 Indians and 10 Somali men were aboard a traditional dhow that was chased and seized Saturday by the U.S. guided missile destroyer USS Winston S. Churchill, said Lt. Leslie Hull-Ryde of U.S. Naval Forces Central Command in Bahrain.

The dhow stopped fleeing after the Churchill twice fired warning shots during the chase, which ended 54 miles off the coast of Somalia, the Navy said. U.S. sailors boarded the dhow and seized a cache of small arms.

The dhow's crew and passengers were being questioned Sunday aboard the Churchill to determine which were pirates and which were legitimate crew members, Hull-Ryde said.

Sailors aboard the dhow told Navy investigators that pirates hijacked the vessel six days ago near Mogadishu and thereafter used it to stage pirate attacks on merchant ships.

The Churchill is part of a multinational task force patrolling the western Indian Ocean and Horn of Africa region to thwart terrorist activity and other lawlessness during the U.S.-led war in Iraq.

The Navy said it captured the dhow in response to a report from the International Maritime Bureau in Kuala Lumpur on Friday that said pirates had fired on the MV Delta Ranger, a Bahamian-flagged bulk carrier that was passing some 200 miles off the central eastern coast of Somalia.

*image courtesy of Wikipedia.

Brilliant quote of the day!

Most of the time, when we quote movies or tv shows or whatever, we credit the actor or the character. Very rarely do we ever credit the actual writer of the script. So, I will attempt to remedy this grave injustice by crediting the writer or writers responsible for putting those famous words in characters' mouths.

Todays' brilliant quote comes from the 1966 film, Batman: the Movie.




"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb."

- Batman
(Adam West)

Screenplay by Lorenzo Semple, Jr.

I ain't saying she's a "Goldfinger"...

One of my dream cars just sold for $1.9 Million.

A Swiss businessman won the keys to James Bond's silver 1965 Aston Martin DB5 coupe on Friday with a $1.9 million bid at an annual classic car auction in Arizona.

The 45-year-old man, who did not want to be identified, placed his bids over the telephone through friend and car dealer Beat Roos to win the gadget-packed 007 car used in such classics as "Goldfinger" and "Thunderball." Both men live in Bern, Switzerland.

"His instructions were to bring the car back to Switzerland," Roos said.

The winner, who was bidding in his first auction, will add the car to a collection of some dozen vehicles that includes classic Aston Martins and Porsches.

Not just a classic Aston Martin. Not just a James Bond silver 1965 Aston Martin. A gadget-packed Aston Martin!

This is simply a stunning car. A thing of beauty.

This promotional picture provided by RM Auctions shows the 1965 Aston Martin DB5 used in 'James Bond' movies photographed in Detroit, MI during Oct. 2005. The Aston Martin spy car, complete with machine guns and tire slashers.

Not only is it gorgeous, it has machine guns and tire slashers! Awesome.

What are you waiting for?

Uncle Sam wants you, chicken hawks!

As Salon points out, the Army has raised the cut-off age for recruitment from 35 to 42. That's good news for all you folks who support the war, but are "too old to fight." Well, not anymore!

Another chance for a chicken hawk

Poor Jonah Goldberg.

The National Review editor and Los Angeles Times columnist has taken a lot of grief for advocating the war in Iraq without volunteering to fight it himself. Goldberg has defended himself -- "I'm 35 years old, my family couldn't afford the lost income, I have a baby daughter," he wrote last year -- but his only real friend is time: Goldberg turns 36 in March, which would put him beyond the Army's cutoff age for new active-duty recruits and out of the path of continuing scorn.

Or at least it would have. As the Associated Press reports today, the Army's recruiting woes have led to a new law that will raise the top age for active-duty recruits from 35 to 42. That gives Goldberg and other chicken hawks his age six more years in which they can sign up for the war they've been happy to have others fight.

But really, why wait that long? Forty-two U.S. soldiers have died in Iraq already this month, and recruiters are waiting by their phones to hear from their replacements.

C'mon, Jonah Goldberg! My father was a 55-year old Reservist when he was deployed to Iraq a few years ago. You've still got about 20 years on him! Oh, but maybe Whiney McGoldberg is too busy to go. Well, I'm only 28, but I'm a full-time graduate student, I'm working various part-time jobs and making the comedy rounds at night...and I still manage to find time to serve my country in the Reserves. And I've already spent a year on deployment in Operation Enduring Freedom.

Maybe Goldy's afraid he couldn't afford the loss in pay. Well, both my father and I lost money (and time) when we were deployed, but I believe that's the price fo freedom. Right? I mean, we all have to sacrifice something for freedom. Besides, our current leaders have done everything in their power to ensure our soldiers are taken care of when they return. Right?

Now that they've raised the age limit, neither my father nor I should have to serve a SECOND tour anytime soon...as long as there are plenty of healthy war-supporters out there like Jonah Goldberg who can still sign themselves up for duty!

So drive your gas-guzzlin' Hummer down to the nearest recruitment office and sign yourself up today!

What's the matter, Mr. Goldberg? Chicken?

Belushi v. Newmar - U DECIDE

This is an older story, but one I'd like to comment on.

As reported in the Beat:

Actor JIM BELUSHI has ended his two-year feud with his next door neighbour JULIE NEWMAR by inviting the former BATMAN star to join him on his US TV sitcom.

The pair fell out when Newmar objected to building work Belushi had started on his Hollywood estate.

Belushi then pressed harassment charges against Newmar, a former TV CATWOMAN, when she publicly attacked the actor and chopped down trees on his estate.

The couple has since settled the $4 million lawsuit and Newmar will now appear on an upcoming episode of Belushi's hit show ACCORDING TO JIM.

Sounds to me like Julie LOST that case. Pretty harsh punishment.

Now they're just being ridiculous

From the wires:

Winfrey club prompts new genre: Friction

Published January 18, 2006

Another Oprah Winfrey book club pick has raised the issue of fact versus fiction.

Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble said Tuesday they were making changes to certify Elie Wiesel's "Night" as non-fiction. Barnes & Noble is removing the book from its fiction list, and Amazon is changing the categorization of "Night" and revising a description to make clear it does not consider the book a novel.

Wiesel did not immediately return a call seeking comment.

On Monday, Winfrey announced that Wiesel's account of his family's placement in Auschwitz was her latest choice. "Night" quickly topped Amazon's best-seller list, displacing Winfrey's previous selection, James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces."

Frey has acknowledged he embellished parts of his book. No such allegations are being made about "Night," but there has long been confusion over how to label it.

Um. Confusion? Over categorizing Night? It's a literary memoir, numb nuts.

You're welcome.

*Just trying to make it easier for whoever is searching blogs for Jews...

It works!!

Ask and ye shall receive.

Yesterday, I posted this, noting that my spam has become more customized. I decided to test my theory on the spambots by adding:

Have I mentioned that I looooooove a million dollars?

And what should appear in my junk mail?

Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2006 17:22:21 -0800
From: "Hitthe Jackpot"
To: Me
Subject: 2 Million dollar winning chance for you

Get Your "Lovely Hula Hands" on $2,000,000.00 Instantly!

Please note, I have no idea what "Hula Hands" means. But it sounds sexy.

First they came for the blogs...

Uh, someone found my blog by doing a google blog search using only the word "Jew."

Should I be concerned...?

The Spambots Read My Blog!

A week ago, I wrote this post, in which I happened to mention I love coffee. Actually, what I said was:

I looooove coffee. In fact, right now - as I type these very words - I am drinking freshly-brewed coffee from a giant Superman mug. It's enormous, three cups worth. If you ever visit my folks, there are always endless pots of coffee brewing in the kitchen. It's heavenly.

And what should end up in my hotmail account a few days later? Why, an e-mail:


From : For Coffee Lovers
Reply-To : "coffeelover@superoverdriven.com"
Sent : Monday, January 16, 2006 3:19 PM
To :
Subject : A Free Starbucks Gift Card




Mention you love coffee, get unsolicited e-mails offering you free coffee. Good to know.

Have I mentioned that I looooooove a million dollars?

Geek Talk: Iron Spidey

Hm. Spider-Man's getting new duds. Again.

Oh, and it's apparently tied into Iron Man. It's nice to see that Marvel's really hyping it up. It's not like Spider-Man has ever gotten a new costume before.

Ever.

I suppose every few years or so, Marvel has to keep revamping Spider-Man to keep the kiddies interested. It's not like he's an easily recognizable and iconic character with two high-grossing movies and a third one on the way. You'd think that'd be enough to get kids interested, but no. Actually, I don't mind Marvel marketing comic books toward kids at all. If that's what they are, in fact, doing with this latest stunt, then I think it's great. Maybe it'll even get more kids interested in Spider-Man comic books. I would argue, though, that what they need are fewer "events" ...

Saddest thing I saw the other day was a young kid (maybe 6 or 7) in a comic book store with his mom. The kid's eyes lit up when he saw Spider-Man on the cover of a comic and he nearly sqealed with delight, exclaiming: "Spider-Man! Look, mommy! Spider-Man!" The mom - being a good mom - picked up the book, flipped through it, glanced at the warning on the cover, then sadly put it back on the counter. "Sorry," she sighed. "This one is for grown-ups." This was the mainstream Amazing Spider-Man comic. Luckily, the friendly store owners directed them to kid-friendly, "all-ages" Marvel Adventures Spider-Man. "All-ages" should apply to the regular Spider-Man title, but I digress...

Maybe this new "Iron Spider" storyline will usher in a new age of more kid-friendly Spider-Man adventures in the mainstream books...but I doubt it. I have a feeling this is yet another attempt at getting fanboys my age interested in picking up a Spider-book again for the spectacle of the event.

Oh, well. I guess I'll just chalk this one up to "I'm too old to be reading comic books anymore."

'Cuz it'll never be cooler than the slick black & white costume.


In other geek-related news, it must be baby-birthin' time. Congrats and Mazel Tov to Dave Campbell on the birth of his new daughter. Mazel, mazel; lots of mazel, all around.

Bad Jew Jew

It's bad enough that disgraced, crooked lobbyist Jack Abramoff is a Jew, but did he have to be a Brandeis Jew?

Churches have ex-communication. Is there a way for the Jews to collectively disown someone? Like, Hebraic Disown-a-ment? If so, I nominate Jack Abramoff for official Hebraic Disown-a-ment from the Jews. And Brandeis.

I guess ol' Jack never bothered to read any of Justice Louis Brandeis' actual writings or heed the University's motto: "Truth even unto its innermost parts."

Maybe Jack will have some extra readin' time on his hands now and he can familiarize himself with Justice Brandeis' words in the clink...

PS: "Innermost parts" sounds dirty.

--------------------------

From the Boston Globe:

Roots of a lobbyist
Conservative identity took shape at Brandeis University
By Michael Levenson, Globe Correspondent January 15, 2006

Long before he became a Washington lobbyist and convicted felon, he was a freshman at Brandeis University with a 1976 Mercury Cougar and a taste for blasting Queen's ''We Are The Champions" on his all-male hall.

Jack Abramoff, class of '81, resident of Deroy Hall, hated David Bowie, loved ice cream, and was always up for a trip to TGI Friday's on Newbury Street. Stocky and tan, he favored sweat pants and baseball caps.

But this passionately liberal campus is where the young Abramoff found his identity as a conservative firebrand who was not afraid to confront student protesters, hang banners for Ronald Reagan off Route 128, and cook up political hijinks in the name of God and country.

And the story of his four years on this hilltop campus in Waltham, 9 miles from Boston, reveals some of the qualities that shaped his rise in Washington: his discipline, loyalty, and unshakable confidence in his beliefs.

These days, as the class of '81 prepares for its 25th reunion, classmates are digging out yearbooks and ducking calls from reporters as scandal swirls around the onetime English major from Beverly Hills. The classmates who once viewed him as a mere campus irritant now look with scorn, bemusement, and sadness at the disgraced lobbyist driving the country's biggest corruption case.

At the school, which prides itself on promoting the social justice values embodied by its namesake, Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis, there is embarrassment.

''We're ashamed of him," said Michael T. Gilmore, longtime chairman of the English and American literature department at Brandeis.

In the fall of 1977, Abramoff, a recent adherent to Orthodox Judaism and son of a wealthy businessman, arrived at Brandeis, with the campus roiling.

Students were agitating for divestment from South Africa, nuclear disarmament, and exit visas for Soviet Jews, turning the concrete plaza in front of the sprawling student center into a stage for left-wing speeches and protests. Feminist author Betty Friedan, antiwar activist Abbie Hoffman, and writer Norman Mailer were welcomed as heroes when they visited.

But Abramoff admired another figure -- Ronald Reagan -- an idealistic Californian like himself who was ''the most pro-Israel candidate in the presidential campaign," Abramoff told the student newspaper, The Justice, in September 1980, his senior year.

Enthralled, Abramoff made his mark on campus, organizing parties, softball games, and movie nights for the Brandeis College Republicans, which elected him chairman. Targeting freshmen, he turned the club from a laughingstock into a formidable movement of 150 young Reaganites by the fall of 1980, as Reagan headed toward his election win.

Selected the lead student organizer for Reagan in Massachusetts, Abramoff hung ''Reagan '80" banners off bridges over Route 128, helped register 3,000 students to vote, schmoozed men in South Boston social clubs, and accompanied Maureen Reagan, the candidate's daughter, on a trip to Brookline to persuade the Bostoner Rebbe, a national Hasidic leader, to endorse Reagan, a nod that was believed to be worth thousands of Orthodox Jewish votes.

''This guy was a raging Republican and it was like, what are you doing here?" said Adam Gaffin, 46, a computer magazine editor from Boston who was an editor at The Justice. ''Brandeis was not the same school it was in the 60s, but it was still a liberal Jewish school."

After Reagan won, claiming Massachusetts by a few thousand votes, The Justice filled with laments about the country's shift to the right, and the paper begrudgingly credited Abramoff, dubbing him ''Ronnie's Secret Helper."

After the election, Abramoff became president of the Massachusetts College Republican Union and, on trips to Harvard and other campuses, increased its membership from 300 to 5,000. Reagan's victory, he told The Globe in 1981, had increased student enthusiasm for the GOP ''spectacularly."

In the spring of 1981, Abramoff sought a bigger platform. He campaigned across the country with a friend from the Reagan campaign, a Harvard Business School student named Grover Norquist, and won election to the chairmanship of the College Republican National Committee.

''He was good, he was serious, and he wanted to change the world," said Norquist, now a national conservative leader and president of Americans for Tax Reform, an antitax group in Washington, D.C. ''There was a real sense that you could turn the world around with Reagan."

Back on campus, Abramoff escalated his campaign.

When 100 sign-toting students took to Yakus Plaza in front of the student center, protesting US military aid to El Salvador and chanting ''one, two, three, four, US hands off El Salvador," Abramoff crashed the demonstration, waving American flags in students' faces and belting out ''God Bless America." Disgruntled students wrote that week to The Justice, denouncing Abramoff and the Republicans who had joined him as brutes.

"He was going against the grain even back then," said Jay Rovins, 46, a New Jersey retailer who was one of Abramoff's roommates. ''For Jack, it was him and his inner circle and then everybody else, and that wasn't in a negative way so much as that was his world view."

Abramoff also charted his own course socially. At parties, he rarely drank and would leave the room when students smoked marijuana, friends said. He dated the same woman, a quiet pre-premed student, all four years. He prayed before classes in the morning, stayed home on Fridays to observe the Sabbath, and kept a kosher kitchen in his dorm.

Abramoff was generous, too. He loaned Rovins the Cougar for a first date with the woman who would become Rovins' wife, and he took his friends with him to Anthony's Pier 4 in Boston when his father visited. All the while, Abramoff grew more dedicated to activism.

"There was no doubt that when Jack left Brandeis he was on his way to Washington to continue the work that he had started with the Brandeis Young Republicans," said Stuart Chanen, 46, a lawyer from Chicago who was senior class speaker. ''It was clear he was dedicated to the cause."

Far different causes animated most of Abramoff's fellow alumni. Brandeis, founded in 1948 by American Jews seeking to create a university free from the quotas Jews faced at elite colleges and dedicated to the social welfare of the world, has sent graduates on to distinguished careers in politics, academia, and the arts. Graduates include columnist Thomas L. Friedman of '75, magazine editor Martin Peretz of '59, and actress Debra Messing of '90, from the television show ''Will & Grace."

But the news this month that Abramoff, 46, who had built one of Washington's most lucrative and GOP-connected lobbying empires, had pleaded guilty to conspiracy, fraud, and tax evasion brought memories flooding back to the graying class. Was that really the same student from Deroy Hall who walked out of a courthouse in Washington, looking like a heavyset Hollywood villain in a trench coat and fedora?

"The person that I knew was smiling and laughing much more readily than the scowling images that you see on television now," Rovins said. ''This is a guy that loved to laugh and loved to joke more than anything."

For their reunion in June, class members will gather at the Westin Waltham-Boston, take a Duck Tour, hold a barbeque, and tour their old campus haunts. No one expects Abramoff to show. The last time they heard from the one-time agitator was when he submitted a tidbit to the alumni notes last year. Abramoff mentions he is married with five children, helped start two schools in Washington, is lobbying Congress, and has fond memories of his years at Brandeis.

"It was a great experience and I learned a lot!" he wrote.

all things must pass

Eh. All good things come to an end. It's really hard to complain about the Pats losing - it was bound to happen eventually. We had a good run. And Brady and Belichick will still be around for a while. And I got to see them win at home last week, clinching their historic 10th consecutive post-season win.

it was a good run.

But it's just a game. And far better - and more important - things happened last night.

Like the fact that I became an uncle. Happy birthday Jacob!


And, in an unrelated event, Ross became a dad.

Mazel Tov all around!

Brady's Bunch

Patriots at Denver:

John Elway retired instead of going for a third consecutive Super Bowl victory. His former team now can prevent Tom Brady from having a shot at it.

Brady tries to build his legend in the city where Elway became one, looking to lift the New England Patriots one step closer to making NFL history when they visit the Denver Broncos in an AFC divisional playoff game.

New England enters with an NFL-record, 10-game playoff winning streak under coach Bill Belichick, including winning three of the past four Super Bowls. Last season, the Patriots became the first back-to-back NFL champions since Elway and the Broncos in 1998.

No team has won three consecutive Super Bowls.

Emphasis mine.

Tom Brady is 10-0 in his first ten post-season starts, another NFL record.

We're not greedy. But the first ever Super Bowl three-peat would be nice to round out the other lone records Belichick's boys hold.

Go Pats.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Thanks for giving me life and all.

Holy 40th Anniversary!

Happy 40th Anniversary, old chum.

It was 40 years ago today that the Batman TV show debuted. Over a decade later, a young Benari discovered the campy brilliance that was this show.

In the early 80s, my father once interviewed Adam West for his radio show. I must have been about 4 or 5 years old, maybe even younger. At the end of the interview, I had the distinct pleasure of hearing Adam West wish me well, reminding me:

"Remember to eat your vegetables, Benari!"

That was pretty cool.

The goddamn Batman.

To honor this milestone, McSweeney's analysis of the Batman theme song.

Forceful and at the same time plainly stated, we here are shown Batman in full, unvarnished truth. Full of aspiration, yet subject to the pitfalls of mortal life, Batman simply is.

Dalton says:

"All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected."

"Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary."

"And three, be nice."

"...I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice."

ASB&R:TBW # 3: Are we there yet?

Okay. I might be the ONLY comic geek on the planet who has no strong feelings one way or the other regarding Frank Miller's All-Star Batman & Robin: The Boy Wonder. I don't think it's horrible and awful, nor do I think it's amazingly hilarious and wonderful. It's just sort of a comic book that's sort of fun to read.

I'll let others debate the merits of repeating the phrase "love chunks" 25 times or whether or not we're in on the "joke" or the butt of the "joke"...nor will I try to mind-read Miller's intentions and declare others to be complete morons for not getting it (whatever "it" might be). All I know is, Frank Miller has stated that this is kind of his Robin: Year One.

We're at issue three now. By the third issue of Batman: Year One, we had been introduced to Bruce Wayne, Alfred, Selina Kyle, Jim Gordon, Sarah Essen, and many others. We learned about Gordon's uphill battle against the corrupt Gotham police force, his impending fatherhood, and his shameful affair. We learned of Selina's beginnings as Catwoman. We learned of Bruce's parents' murder, his vow to fight crime and avenge their deaths, his dedication to justice, and several key events leading to him donning the bat outfit.

By issue three of Batman: Year One, Bruce Wayne had botched his first mission, learned from his mistakes, crafted a reckless and carefree playboy persona for Bruce Wayne as well as the shadow-y mythos of the Batman. He had taken on Gotham's corrupt officials, created alibis, and begun forging a friendship with Jim Gordon. In the third issue, Batman makes a spectacular escape from the swat team and he even saves a cat.

In only four issues of Batman: Year One, Miller created a definitive origin of the Dark Knight. He deftly and concisely intertwined the disparate stories of James Gordon and Bruce Wayne, clearly defined their characters and provided copious amounts of outstanding comic book goodness, complete with quiet introspection and loud 'splosions. Not too shabby for a comic book.

Now, as I said, All-Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder is on issue number 3. I won't make an issue-by-issue comparison of the two works because that's not fair and this isn't a "Miller's old stuff is better" argument. But it's issue three and Batman and Dick Grayson (he's not even Robin yet) are still sitting in the Batmobile.

And, having read the issue in question, I just have one request:

Will the goddamn Batman PLEASE get out of the goddamn batmobile and do some goddamn thing already?!

Thank you.

Me versus the machines

I refuse to be bested by a machine.

So, there's this website:
Guess the Dictator and/or Television Sit-Com Character

Here are the rules: Pretend to be a dictator or television sitcom character. I'll try to guess who you are by asking simple yes/no questions. If you're not sure of the answer to a question, answer "No". If you forgot who you were pretending to be, go take a nap, you're obviously under too much stress. Also, drink plenty of fluids.

I tried a few different ones, testing the waters, before I got clever. Guess after guess, it was getting them right. It even got Tootie.

It easily guessed Ralph Hinkley from The Greatest American Hero. Then I got a sneaky. I chose an obscure character who suddenly disappeared from tv without ever being mentioned again. Tricky. Or so I thought.

I win again! You are player number 12 to have chosen Chuck from Happy Days. I knew you were Chuck from Happy Days from the start, but I strung you along for a while to make it seem more sporting. I hope that one day you will overcome the powerful sense of humiliation that you now feel. Until then, good luck.

Chuck, Richie Cunningham's older brother who one day walked out the front door to play basketball, never to be seen or heard from again.

This thing was good.

But finally, FINALLY, I stumped it.

Captain Christopher Pike. It didn't know good ol' Captain Pike.

You won this time, puny mortal! And I fail again. I guess my parents were right, I'll always be a failure. I guess it's time to start looking for a new job.

Ha HA! Stupid machine.

This has been the highlight of my day. sigh.

dunked

Back from yet another Battle Assembly - that's what they call drill weekends now: Battle Assembly. Or BA. Pronounced "Bah" - at least, that's how I say it. So, playing Army is done for January. Yay.

But that's not why I called you all here today.

Every morning, on my way to the Reserve Center, I grabbed a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee. I would grab a cup in the afternoon as well, on the way home. Because Dunkin Dounts had what I used to think was the best coffee on earth.

I looooove coffee. In fact, right now - as I type these very words - I am drinking freshly-brewed coffee from a giant Superman mug. It's enormous, three cups worth. If you ever visit my folks, there are always endless pots of coffee brewing in the kitchen. It's heavenly. In college, I worked at a coffee shop - first on campus and then in its main Newton shop. I was, what is pretentiously referred to as, a barista. I can appreciate a fresh cup of exceptionally rich and flavorful Guatemalan Huehuetenango or the mild body of a Dominican coffee...but there was just something special about a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee. Maybe it's the simple elegance or its working class roots. Maybe they put crack in it. I don't know. All I know is, if I see a Dunkin Donuts and I don't have a cup of coffee in my hand...

Anyway, this past weekend, I stopped at no less than 5 different Dunkin Donuts chains and helped myself to a heapin' brew of their famous coffee. Usually, a medium Hazelnut with cream and sugar. And I have a message for the fine folks who make the important decisions: please make the coffee like you used to make it!!!

5 different cups o' joe and 5 different reactions. Two cups were old and stale-tasting, downright burnt and excessively bitter - what I expect Joan Crawford must have tasted like in her later years.

One cup carried an overwhelmingly chemical taste - I assume it came from whatever they were masquerading as their "hazelnut flavor shot." I think it was Windex.

One cup was far too bland, tasting nothing like the rich, smooth coffee I have come to expect from the Double D.

One cup, thankfully, was juuuust right and restored my faith in humanity.

A perfectly poured cup of fresh-brewed Dunkin Donuts coffee stokes the embers of hope that one day Dunkin Dounts coffee will retain its high quality in every chain, in every store across this great country of ours, bringing joy and caffeine to everybody, everywhere.

After pondering it some more, I realize what it is that makes a good Dunkin Donuts cup of joe. It's not simply the beans or the flavor shots or the minimum wage workers who may or may not spit in every third cup of coffee ... no. That special ingredient that makes Dunkin Donuts coffee so good is love. And when that love is missing, that coffee becomes just another scalding hot puddle of sludge in a styrofoam cup, burning the taste from your tongue and the joy from your soul. So step it up a bit, Dunkin Donuts coffee makers. Don't let the hard bean-picking work of those migrant workers go in vain! Make every cup of Dunkin Dounts' coffee the best damn cup of coffee in the world!


...because I have $1.86 left on my Dunkin Donuts gift card and I could really use a good cup of coffee right about now...

Wrath of Kong

Go see it. On the big screen. I mean:



Who DOESN'T want to see a giant ape battle a T-Rex? On the big screen. Even Pinkos wanna see THAT.

And Kong battles THREE of 'em! How Baroque.


Peter Jackson has crafted what is, in my screenwriting student opinion, a modern epic tragedy. If I may indulge in my grad school nerdery for a moment: in Ancient Greek tragedy, the audience members all knew the stories presented on stage. Part of what made the tragedies tragic was that everyone knew HOW the story ended; what they were witnessing in the tragedies were the choices that led to the inevitable outcome. In Peter Jackson's King Kong, he takes a modern American myth (that of 1933's King Kong), fleshes out the familiar story and truly captures Kong's tragedy. When he leaps to Ann Darrow's defense in the savage jungle of Skull Island, the audience cheers. When he beats his chest in triumph after brutally slaying prehistoric creatures, the audience roars with approval. When Kong sits shackled, pathetic and humiliated in chains on the Broadway stage, the audience pities him. And when he grasps Anne in his paw and makes his way fatefully through the streets of New York City, the Empire State Building looming ominously in the distance, the audience shudders with recognition of the inevitable tragic outcome. We know how the story ends.

As Kong sits quietly atop the gleaming skyscraper, admiring the majesty and beauty of the Big Apple with Ann by his side, we shake our heads in anticipation of what's to come. The familiar buzzing of the bi-planes alerts us of the final danger and as they zoom around the corner of the Empire State Building, we know we're witnessing Kong's last stand against civilization.

Epic. Tragedy. Starring a giant monkey.

It's the ultimate GUY Chick-Flick. Kong should never have left the island, where he was king. But, alas, he lets his love for the blonde lead him to disaster. Poor dude gets himself killed over a pretty lady. As Denham so succinctly puts it: "It was beauty killed the beast."

You can tell a lot of love and care went into making this movie. BUT. I still prefer the original.

WHAT?

Yeah, you read that right. This new Kong has some flaws (didn't need that much backstory for EVERY minor character), but it's an excellent film. But it's missing that one essential: the re-watchability factor. As beautiful as it is, I don't think the new Kong will be all that re-watchable. Oh, sure. Some parts will be re-watchable - they could probably put out a special DVD called "Kong fights dinosaurs, plays with Naomi Watts on the ice and then gets shot by planes atop the Empire State Building" - but overall, it's one of those films where once you see it, you've seen it.

Whereas I could watch the original over and over and over again. In fact, my sister got me the special edition King Kong DVD and I've already watched it a bunch of times. For all it's goofiness and dated content, the original still holds up. Its concise script, its brisk pace and sharp characters make the original a classic. Plus, the jerky, stop-motion claymation Kong carries a certain charm - it has an unreality about it that makes it almost more believable. In the original, Kong is neither man nor monster. It's THAT kind of unreal look that captured my imagination as a kid and still excites me today. In the new one, he's literally a giant gorilla. Kong is almost too realistic looking in Jackson's King Kong, which somehow takes away from the fantastic element that made the original so unique. The original has a quaint feel of making magic, whereas the new one just looks like slick CGI.

Also, Jackson's movie really focuses on the love between Ann and Kong, which is beautiful and lovely and sweet. But it lacks sexual chemistry. I know that sounds weird, but we're talking King Kong here. The original was ALL about sexual tension, a giant beast lusting after the beautiful blonde bombshell. There's no sex in Jackson's movie; it lacks the intensity that only sex provides, and because of that, Kong's relationship with Ann is sweet and tender without being passionate.

So, in conclusion, you should all see the new King Kong on the big screen. It's epic and beautiful... but you really only need to see it once.

Then, watch the original a few times and remember that movies can also be fun.

Plus, Fay Wray was hot.

Nothing to say, but it's okay...

Hm. So far, 2006 doesn't seem to be off to the best start.

Let's, uh, let's get to work on that.

another year older...

When I started this blog thing a year ago, I made some New year's resolutions. Let's see how I did.

1. I resolve to do something important this year.

Check. I think. maybe. No, definitely, I did something important this year.

2. I resolve to kiss a pretty girl this year, for no other reason than I find her to be pretty.

Check.

3. I resolve to make someone laugh this year.

Check.

4. I resolve to do something surprising.

Check. Hello, grad school.

5. I resolve to come up with better resolutions next year.

Hmmm...not so much. I'll have to work on that one for next year.

New resolution:

I resolve to continue taking chances.

And I will try to not feel silly for having a blog.

and the countdown begins

May your New Year be filled with peace, happiness, and success.

It's gotta be better than 2005, right?

Here's to good things in 2006. Lots of mazel.

...water...

Know what happens when guys in hard hats work on a busted water main outside your apartment?



You end up with no water!



Curses.

*Thanks to the GCD for the cover image.

Chappy Cholidays

Happy whatever it is you celebrate!

Quizzes never lie

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...me! Don't mean to brag, but...

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 100% Spider-Man 90% Green Lantern 80% The Flash 65% Robin 60% Supergirl 60% Hulk 60% Iron Man 55% Batman 50% Wonder Woman 45% Catwoman 30%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Merry Christmas poor people!

Yay! We're gonna shave 2.5 percent off of the 1.6 TRILLION dollar shortfall by screwing old folks and students! Yay!!!

The Republican-controlled Senate passed legislation to cut federal deficits by $39.7 billion on Wednesday by the narrowest of margins, 51-50, with Vice President Dick Cheney casting the deciding vote.

The measure, the product of a year's labors by the White House and the GOP in Congress, imposes the first restraints in nearly a decade in federal benefit programs such as Medicaid, Medicare and student loans.

Because, you know, that's where all the wasteful spending is...

By themselves, the deficit cuts included in the five-year bill would amount to only 2.5 percent of projected shortfalls totaling $1.6 trillion over the same time frame. Republicans said the significance lies in more than mere numbers, adding that programs such as Medicare and Medicaid threaten to consume an unsustainable amount of federal revenue if their growth is not trimmed quickly.

Home health care payments under Medicare would be frozen at current levels for a year under the bill, Medicaid regulations would be changed to make it harder for the elderly to qualify for federal nursing home benefits by turning assets over to their children.

Lender subsidies are reduced as part of an attempt to squeeze $12.6 billion from student loan programs. Another provision raises $3.6 billion for the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp., the federal agency that protects certain pension plans. The money would come from an increase in the premium employers pay for each covered worker or retiree, and from a fee on companies that end their pension plans.

So, the government is squeezing pennies from students who desperately need all the money they can get (*cough*) and forcing employees to pay a HIGHER PREMIUM for reduced pension benefits...

Thanks GOP! You really ARE a Grand Old Party!

Merry f*#@in' Christmas!

holiday (re-)hash

Finishing out my first semester of grad school, I suddenly realize that 2005 is almost over.

And, in the interests of trying to keep this blog updated (and failing), I am posting a link to an April post of mine, in honor of new buzz surrounding (yet again) the planned Watchmen movie. Since the upcoming movie will most likely never live up to expectations (if it even gets made), I've decided to remain positive and celebrate the wonder of what could be a Watchmen musical, as written by me. And Ross.

Enjoy.


Watchmen: the Musical!

Oh, Johnny

IN MEMORIAM
2002-2005

plugging away

End of the semester for me, which means lots of writing, very little blogging. How will any of you survive?

For those in the NYC area on Monday, come see me do a tight 7-minute set at Stand-Up NY.

Monday, December 19th @ 9PM
Stand-Up New York
236 West 78th Street, New York City

And don't worry; the trains should all be running on time because the current unions are pussies.

You know why the MTA won't change their offer? Because the unions set a deadline of midnight last night and then...they blinked. They extended the deadline. And when they caved before getting any of their demands met, they lost.


Now, I pay $76/month for an unlimited metro pass. And I certainly want the subway to run smoothly, my service uninterrupted. But I gotta say, the unions really let me down here. Shutting down the city's transit system, that's a display of power. That's the ultimate trump card, the: "we run this city, don't fuck with us" bargaining chip. When they called off the strike, they sent another message to the MTA: we don't have the balls to call your bluff. The MTA is also winning the PR war, as their commuter-friendly contingency plan demonstrates. And so, the MTA will win this argument. The union lost all credibility and, even worse, displayed their utter lack of conviction. Sad, really.

Oh, well. At least I can still ride the train. Yay.

Richard Pryor (1940-2005)

Richard Pryor, the caustic yet perceptive actor-comedian who lived dangerously close to the edge both on stage and off, died Saturday. He was 65.

Pryor died shortly before 8 a.m. of a heart attack after being taken to a hospital from his home in the San Fernando Valley, said his business manager, Karen Finch. He had been ill for years with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the nervous system.

"Fuck'n is good for you, jack. Gettin' some pussy beats having a war." -Richard Pryor

who ya gonna Call?

The BENARI multi-media extravaganza continues! Tonight, I'll be appearing on NY1's The Call at 9 PM, for all you New Yorkers out there. Our own Danny Newbower will also be on. So definitely tune in. You don't wanna miss what is sure to be a spectacular train wreck!


Basic cable news will never be the same.

we all shine on

Tonight! Tonight only!

You can hear me live at 10 PM on WBZ, 1030 AM. I will be the resident Beatles expert on The Paul Sullivan Show, as we discuss the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's assassination.


Tune in, call in, and shine on.

imagine

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

John Winston Ono Lennon
Oct 9, 1940 - Dec 8, 1980

I don't speak gibberish

The hell?

What is this? Anyone speak French? Can anyone out there translate this perhaps?

What kind of a crazy list am I on here?

And why? Dear God, WHY?!

Monkey Pimpin' Daddies

Great Caesar's Ghost! It's BIG MONKEY COMICS! Washington, DC and nearby Fredericksburg, Virginia will never be the same!

Check out their online website.

SEE:

Comic book reviews, blogs, and fan forums!

HEAR:

Your favorite Super Hero-themed songs on Big Monkey Radio!

BUY:

Comics online! Or visit them in person at their real world locations and talk to real live human beings!

Run by DC lovin' Scipio and Seven Hells dwellin' Devon, Big Monkey Comics is sure to be a blast. Go support those comic book lovin' fools!


Speaking of which...

ROCKYSHIP DOWN

Thanks to the fine folks at Rocketship for another fun evening of Q&A with Swedens's own Martin Kellerman. Congrats Alex and Mary! Nice turnout, interesting discussion and a unique look at the distinction between the American comic book market and oversees markets. And, it introduced me to the world of Kellerman's Rocky, which I will be checking out more of, in the near future.

Oh, and I met more actual real live people who usually lurk 'neath the icey depths of the dark and mysterious internet. Lookin' at you, Joe. Weird. I thought bloggers didn't actually exist. Maybe I'll run into the Easter Bunny today...

Get some

Creativity linked to sexual success

Psychologists at the University of Newcastle upon Tyne and the Open University found that professional artists and poets have about twice as many partners as other people.

Their creativity seems to act like a sexual magnet.

YAY!!!

But Dr Daniel Nettle, a psychologist at Newcastle University's School of Biology, said it is a double-edge sword.

"Poets and artists have more sexual partners but they also have high rates of depression," he told Reuters.

Awwwww.

The study also showed that the average number of sexual partners increased as creative output went up. What the artists produce draws attention to them, which seems to enhance their sexual allure.

YAY AGAIN!!!

Motivation for me to get more writing done and start performing more...

fanboy musings

I love comic books. I love the escapism, I love the humor and melodrama, the angst. I love well constructed tales of two-fisted heroism and savvy social criticism crammed into 28 pages or so of four-color mayhem.

Love it. It makes me happy.

Which is why I have to agree with Mike on his assessment of the dialogue in All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder. TM.

Now, without getting into the merits of Frank Miller's current writing ability or his tendency to repeat the same monosyllabic phrases several times over 4 pages, I think he's made his intentions on the book quite clear. And not in interviews. In the actual book itself. Now, it might not be your type of comic book. Perhaps you don't enjoy being laughed at or ridiculed after shelling out 3-4 bucks and waiting 6-7 months for the story. But, execution aside, I think Miller's setting up an actual character arc here with Batman, as well as Robin.

And to piggyback on Mike's comments, in the context of the story, Batman is not only trying to scare young Dick Grayson, he himself is a character in flux, an angry young man absorbed in his war on crime in danger of losing his humanity. This is a Batman who has not come into his own yet.



Let's take a quick historical look at who Batman was in 1940, before Robin burst into his life. Batman was a vigilante and a borderline psychopath who routinely killed corrupt thugs and enemies, without remorse or regret. Only after the introduction of Robin did Batman acquire his moral code and more acceptable ethical behavior. Seems to me like a Batman whose conduct is evolving is exactly the Batman of Miller's world right now. Maybe it's not just about Batman recruiting a little boy into his war on crime. Perhaps Miller is telling the story of a Batman who needs a Robin to temper him, who needs a Robin to protect his own humanity and prevent him from becoming like the common murderers he battles. This is a Batman who needs a Robin keep him from succumbing to the darkness of what he is desperately fighting against.

Perhaps All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder isn't about introducing the iconic characters of Batman and Robin as they are most famously known; instead, maybe it's about revealing the characters' journey, showing us how they became the iconic characters we know and love.

Or maybe Miller is simply laughing at everyone who ever liked his work when we were kids, slapping us around and screaming: "You can never go home again! Now watch me daterape your childhood. Slowly."

Only time will tell.


That being said, All Star Superman rocks all kinds of worlds and is all sorts of goodness which needs no further explanation. So there.

PS: A belated congrats and Mazel Tov to John Rogers on his latest endeavor at DC Comics. Can't wait to see an all-new Blue Beetle fight Lobo in a Japansese schoolgirl outfit. Now that's the kind of comic book madness I think we can all agree upon.

where does the time go

And we're back.

What did you do this past Thanksgiving?



Only the turkey knows.

juvie hall

TONIGHT! I'll let Kyria explain:

Pudding on Saturday

The shows have been going great so far, yes they have! And the best part is, there's still another chance for YOU to come.

Dont miss:

The Target Demographic in "Extra Pudding"

(It's a sketch show, but it is funny)

With
Kyria Abrahams! (From Jest)
Jay Bois! (From The Big Night Out)
Dan Newbower! (From VH-1)
Benari Poulten! (From School Ties)
Jason Reich! (From The Daily Show)
Erik Seims! (From Lit)
...and introducing Shirley Jane Temple as Miss Lulu Parsnips.

- Saturday 19 November, at Juvie Hall.
- 8 PM
- $8 (yeah, I know, but we gotta rent the hall)

Juvie Hall is located below the Gene Frankel Theater at 24 Bond Street, between the Bowery and Lafayette Street. (Take the B, D, F, V or 6 to Broadway Lafayette/ Bleecker Street.)

Drinking to be done after.



See ya tonight.

warning

Thanks Kevin.

Go here to make your own.

Fried, eh?

I have the worst study habits EVER. I swear, I'm a terrible student. I *SHOULD* be working on my full length play and the next 30 pages of my screenplay for school.

What am I actually doing?

Watching the teaser trailer for Superman Returns.


It's a little biazarre. It definitely gets me excited, but not for the movie they're trying to promote. The stirring , kick-ass use of the original John Williams score coupled with Marlon Brando as Jor-El narrating gets me psyched...for the original. Really, that's what this teaser does: it makes me want to see the original - perhaps even a digitally re-mastered, special effects enhanced version? It also makes me nostalgic for Christopher Reeve's iconic portrayal of the Man of Steel...irrational? Unfair? Yes. But I dare you to hear that score, listen to Brando saying "I have sent them you, my only son" and NOT want to see Chris soaring toward the camera.

Tying the new Superman movie into the original movie continuity is a great concept and that tug of nostalgia is a pretty powerful tool in garnering excitment... but it might prove *too* powerful, overshadowing the new film and reminding us that we'd rather be seeing the original classic, the one that first made us believe a man could fly.


....

Um, I should stop geeking out over someone else's movie and actually get back to writing my screenplay now...

All Star Superman

Just get it.

Now.

Read it. And love it.

Packed with action, pathos, wonder, pseudo-science, iconic mythology and far-out concepts...oh, and FUN.

Lots of fun.

Well done, lads.

Bye bye Beowulf

Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. I'm Beowulf. Perhaps you've heard of me? My song will live forever.

And now I shall atonally sing "My song will live forever" for the next 73 minutes.

If someone asks you to go see something called Beowulf: A Rock Opera, don't. Just...don't.

No matter how intriguing the concept might sound or how hilarious the idea of a musical Beowulf might be, it's not funny. Well, not intentionally. Certainly not in a good way.


But his song will live forever.

Top Man

Once again, old chum Kevin brings us news, this time of the untimely demise of William Hootkins. You'll remember him best as Porkins in Star Wars. Yes. They named the fat guy Porkins.

But true geeks and connoisseurs of good film will also remember him as Lt. Eckhardt in 1989's Batman. And the fact that he also had a bit part in Superman IV: the Quest for Peace should be enough to immortalize him in the Geek "Bit Player" Hall of Fame, along with John Ratzenberger who managed to appear in both Empire Strikes Back AND Superman II.

But William Hootkins also played Major Eaton, a small-but-essential role in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. In fact, he is responsible for one of my favorite unsung exchanges in the movie, an exchange I often quote:

Maj. Eaton: We have top men working on it now.
Indiana: Who?
Maj. Eaton: Top. Men.

Classic.

1948-2005

Go to Juvie Hall

Tonight! I'll let Kyria explain:

The Target Demographic's "Extra Pudding"

With
Kyria Abrahams!
Jay Bois!
Benari Poulten!
Jason Reich!
Erik Seims!

We've got 45 minutes of sketch comedy for you tonight at 9pm in Juvie Hall. $5!

A big, luxurious, full-length production of “Extra Pudding” will take place at 8:00pm Saturday November 19. $8!

Juvie Hall is located below the Gene Frankel Theater at 24 Bond Street, between the Bowery and Lafayette Street. (Take the B, D, F, V or 6 to Broadway Lafayette/ Bleecker Street.)

be there and be square!

I'll prove it exists, and then I'll kill it!

From the AP:

A mythical monster, believed by some to have lived for hundreds of years in the murky depths of a Swedish lake, is now fair game for hunters — if they can find it. Authorities have agreed to lift its endangered species protection.

Hundreds of people claim to have spotted a large serpent-like creature in Lake Storsjon in the northwestern province of Jamtland, and in 1986 the regional council put it on a list of endangered animals.

But a government watchdog challenged the decision, saying such protection was hardly necessary for a creature whose existence has not been proven.

The regional council agreed to remove the listing this month, but declined to rule out that a monster lives in the 300-foot deep lake.

"It exists, inasmuch as it lives in the minds of people," the council's chief legal adviser Peter Lif said about the purported beast. "But I guess we'll have to agree that it cannot be proved scientifically, and then it should not be listed as an endangered species."

The so-called Storsjo monster was first mentioned in print in 1635. Hundreds of sightings have been reported since then. Some people describe the creature as a snakelike animal with a dog's head and fins on its neck. But no clear image of it has been captured on camera.

Storsjo monster aficionados said lifting the endangered species protection was a mistake, and appeared insulted by the decision.

"We are not fanatics," said Christer Berko, of the Storsjo monster association. "We see this as very interesting phenomenon that we unfortunately have not been able to document."

I don't know if this thing even exists, but if it does, we gonna make sure it don't!

Veterans' Day wishes

To all those who have served and to those who continue to serve:

Thank you.

Turn me on, deadman

One and one and one is three:



Got to be good lookin' cuz he's so hard to see!



Paul is dead man, miss him, miss him...

If I told you about the comic, I'd have to kill you

Thanks to Kevin for pointing me to this wonderful CIA-produced bit of psyops.



You see that shit there, to the left? They're giving the soldiers flowers and pies and shit! Now THAT'S how you encourage those former-Commies to treat ya when you liberate them. All you gotta do is SHOW them how to act when you save them.

The bit that disturbs me, however, is the little editorial note on the inside cover that reads:

This comic was produced by a team of American work-for-hire illustrators (now deceased)...

Now deceased! That's some hard core shit, right there. Now it really makes me wonder whatever happened to some of my favorite artists who were working in the 80s and then suddenly disappeared...

Pirates. They're out there.

And we're ready for 'em with Reed Richards-esque technology:

As pirates armed with machine guns and rocket-propelled grenades closed in on a luxury cruise liner off Somalia's coast last weekend, crew members fended them off with water hoses and an electronic device that blasts an earsplitting noise.

The device, developed for U.S. warships after the 2000 attack on the USS Cole off Yemen, unleashed a piercing barrage nearly twice as loud as a smoke detector, while passengers huddled in a dining room away from windows. Capt. Sven Erik Pederson called for full steam ahead, taking the 10,000-ton Seabourn Spirit as fast as it could go. Pederson eventually outran the pirates, who were in small boats, and sought refuge in the Seychelles, a group of islands in the Indian Ocean.

''These guys bit off more than they could chew,'' said Bruce Good, spokesman for Miami-based Seabourn Cruise Line, a subsidiary of Carnival Corp. ``The ship is seven decks high and 439 feet long. It takes a certain amount of stupidity or audacity to attack something like that.''

The pirates approached in one, maybe two boats measuring 25 feet long about 100 miles off the Somali coast Saturday morning. The Spirit doesn't go very fast -- it has a cruising speed of just 16 knots, or 18.4 miles an hour -- so crew members countered with hoses and a nonlethal weapon called a Long Range Acoustic Device, Good said.

Developed by American Technology Corp. of San Diego, the device transmits a high-pitched, piercing noise in a directed beam, without affecting its operators or anyone outside its target range, such as the ship's passengers.

Long Range Acoustic Device. It's so rad, it's L-RAD. Take that, Pirates.

Happy Birthday, Jim Steranko

I'm a few days late, but I wanted to wish one of my all-time favorite artists a happy birthday: Happy Birthday, Jim Steranko!

One of the inspirations for Kavalier and Clay, Steranko's brief stint in comics in the late 60's has left a lasting impact and his legendary images continue to resonanate today. His Nick Fury is THE definitive version, as far as I'm concerned.

He had the perfect blend of King Kirby's jagged, explosive madness and Jazzy Johnny Romita's clean, beautiful linework, fusing the best elements of all the great artists (from popular to classic)and creating something uniquely wild-yet-realistic. A world of limitless possibilities, where fantasy and reality co-mingled in a sci-fi fantasia of heroism.

And his comic books were just plain FUN.


It's 1986 and I'm 9 years old. Somehow, I have the 2-issue 1983 prestige format series reprinting Steranko's legendary run on Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD. There are no capes, no super powers, no rage-fulled mutants within these pages - and yet, I was drawn to these 2 issues, devouring them. The art, the storytelling technique, the vivid imagery and the overall wackiness of the concepts grabbed me, sucked me into this strange world of spies, danger, over-the-top villains, and outlandish gizmos.

To this day, Nick Fury remains one of my al-time favorite characters. And it's mostly due to the innovation and imagination of Jim Steranko.

His cover images tell more story than most comics tell in 12 issues these days. Evocative, moody, surreal and iconic, his images continue to inspire and allow us a glimpse into the magical world of what could be.

I leave you with one of my favorite Steranko covers - and if this Captain America cover does not give you a chill, then, to paraphrase Dave Campbell, you are a commie.



*images courtesy of the GCD.

Thanks for reminding me

Actual conversation, from a few weeks ago:

Me: First time I was at Galapagos, I had a great set - love that room.

Baron: Yeah, it's a great space. But the audience can sometimes be hit or miss; it's weird.

Me: Well, I've done a couple of sets there and - -

Dan: I've never had a bad set there.

Baron (without ANY hesitation): Benari has.