Friday, March 16, 2007

excess jokes

Hurm. What happens when I write more jokes than I submit? I post 'em on my blog! Whoo! Blogging! Fake content! Whoo!

Ahem. Here are some jokes I wrote this week:

  • A new study revealed Monday that nearly a third of all veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan came home with mental illness or serious behavioral problems. The rest of them got sick while being treated at Walter Reed.

  • As part of a demonstration of the benefits of a free trade deal he had trouble pushing through Congress, President Bush on Monday heaved crates of lettuce onto a loading dock in Guatemala. Unfortunately, they were all laced with e-coli.

  • A Long Island teacher, who charged that she was fired because administrators mistakenly thought she was a witch, lost her 2 million dollar lawsuit Tuesday. The judge in the case then mysteriously burst into flames.

  • Iran's cultural advisor criticized the hit movie 300, saying that the Greek vs. Persians action film is an "obvious insult" against their ancient culture and provokes animosity against Iran. Average American moviegoers responded by saying, “Iran? I thought the Spartans were just fighting random gay, black dudes.”

  • It was reported that Whitney Houston has started work on her comeback album. And by “work,” they mean “snorting coke off of.”

Here's one with a soft punchline:

A Connecticut man is wearing a ski mask around town to prove that not everyone who dons one is a bank robber, terrorist or prowler. Sometimes, they’re just good old fashioned perverts.

If I wanted to be edgier, I suppose could've said, "Sometimes, they're just good old fashioned rapists."

But did I really want to go there? No. No, I didn't.

Some people might. Some people might go there.

And you know what we call those people? Rapists.