Now they're just being ridiculous

From the wires:

Winfrey club prompts new genre: Friction

Published January 18, 2006

Another Oprah Winfrey book club pick has raised the issue of fact versus fiction.

Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble said Tuesday they were making changes to certify Elie Wiesel's "Night" as non-fiction. Barnes & Noble is removing the book from its fiction list, and Amazon is changing the categorization of "Night" and revising a description to make clear it does not consider the book a novel.

Wiesel did not immediately return a call seeking comment.

On Monday, Winfrey announced that Wiesel's account of his family's placement in Auschwitz was her latest choice. "Night" quickly topped Amazon's best-seller list, displacing Winfrey's previous selection, James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces."

Frey has acknowledged he embellished parts of his book. No such allegations are being made about "Night," but there has long been confusion over how to label it.

Um. Confusion? Over categorizing Night? It's a literary memoir, numb nuts.

You're welcome.

*Just trying to make it easier for whoever is searching blogs for Jews...

It works!!

Ask and ye shall receive.

Yesterday, I posted this, noting that my spam has become more customized. I decided to test my theory on the spambots by adding:

Have I mentioned that I looooooove a million dollars?

And what should appear in my junk mail?

Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2006 17:22:21 -0800
From: "Hitthe Jackpot"
To: Me
Subject: 2 Million dollar winning chance for you

Get Your "Lovely Hula Hands" on $2,000,000.00 Instantly!

Please note, I have no idea what "Hula Hands" means. But it sounds sexy.

First they came for the blogs...

Uh, someone found my blog by doing a google blog search using only the word "Jew."

Should I be concerned...?

The Spambots Read My Blog!

A week ago, I wrote this post, in which I happened to mention I love coffee. Actually, what I said was:

I looooove coffee. In fact, right now - as I type these very words - I am drinking freshly-brewed coffee from a giant Superman mug. It's enormous, three cups worth. If you ever visit my folks, there are always endless pots of coffee brewing in the kitchen. It's heavenly.

And what should end up in my hotmail account a few days later? Why, an e-mail:


From : For Coffee Lovers
Reply-To : "coffeelover@superoverdriven.com"
Sent : Monday, January 16, 2006 3:19 PM
To :
Subject : A Free Starbucks Gift Card




Mention you love coffee, get unsolicited e-mails offering you free coffee. Good to know.

Have I mentioned that I looooooove a million dollars?

Geek Talk: Iron Spidey

Hm. Spider-Man's getting new duds. Again.

Oh, and it's apparently tied into Iron Man. It's nice to see that Marvel's really hyping it up. It's not like Spider-Man has ever gotten a new costume before.

Ever.

I suppose every few years or so, Marvel has to keep revamping Spider-Man to keep the kiddies interested. It's not like he's an easily recognizable and iconic character with two high-grossing movies and a third one on the way. You'd think that'd be enough to get kids interested, but no. Actually, I don't mind Marvel marketing comic books toward kids at all. If that's what they are, in fact, doing with this latest stunt, then I think it's great. Maybe it'll even get more kids interested in Spider-Man comic books. I would argue, though, that what they need are fewer "events" ...

Saddest thing I saw the other day was a young kid (maybe 6 or 7) in a comic book store with his mom. The kid's eyes lit up when he saw Spider-Man on the cover of a comic and he nearly sqealed with delight, exclaiming: "Spider-Man! Look, mommy! Spider-Man!" The mom - being a good mom - picked up the book, flipped through it, glanced at the warning on the cover, then sadly put it back on the counter. "Sorry," she sighed. "This one is for grown-ups." This was the mainstream Amazing Spider-Man comic. Luckily, the friendly store owners directed them to kid-friendly, "all-ages" Marvel Adventures Spider-Man. "All-ages" should apply to the regular Spider-Man title, but I digress...

Maybe this new "Iron Spider" storyline will usher in a new age of more kid-friendly Spider-Man adventures in the mainstream books...but I doubt it. I have a feeling this is yet another attempt at getting fanboys my age interested in picking up a Spider-book again for the spectacle of the event.

Oh, well. I guess I'll just chalk this one up to "I'm too old to be reading comic books anymore."

'Cuz it'll never be cooler than the slick black & white costume.


In other geek-related news, it must be baby-birthin' time. Congrats and Mazel Tov to Dave Campbell on the birth of his new daughter. Mazel, mazel; lots of mazel, all around.

Bad Jew Jew

It's bad enough that disgraced, crooked lobbyist Jack Abramoff is a Jew, but did he have to be a Brandeis Jew?

Churches have ex-communication. Is there a way for the Jews to collectively disown someone? Like, Hebraic Disown-a-ment? If so, I nominate Jack Abramoff for official Hebraic Disown-a-ment from the Jews. And Brandeis.

I guess ol' Jack never bothered to read any of Justice Louis Brandeis' actual writings or heed the University's motto: "Truth even unto its innermost parts."

Maybe Jack will have some extra readin' time on his hands now and he can familiarize himself with Justice Brandeis' words in the clink...

PS: "Innermost parts" sounds dirty.

--------------------------

From the Boston Globe:

Roots of a lobbyist
Conservative identity took shape at Brandeis University
By Michael Levenson, Globe Correspondent January 15, 2006

Long before he became a Washington lobbyist and convicted felon, he was a freshman at Brandeis University with a 1976 Mercury Cougar and a taste for blasting Queen's ''We Are The Champions" on his all-male hall.

Jack Abramoff, class of '81, resident of Deroy Hall, hated David Bowie, loved ice cream, and was always up for a trip to TGI Friday's on Newbury Street. Stocky and tan, he favored sweat pants and baseball caps.

But this passionately liberal campus is where the young Abramoff found his identity as a conservative firebrand who was not afraid to confront student protesters, hang banners for Ronald Reagan off Route 128, and cook up political hijinks in the name of God and country.

And the story of his four years on this hilltop campus in Waltham, 9 miles from Boston, reveals some of the qualities that shaped his rise in Washington: his discipline, loyalty, and unshakable confidence in his beliefs.

These days, as the class of '81 prepares for its 25th reunion, classmates are digging out yearbooks and ducking calls from reporters as scandal swirls around the onetime English major from Beverly Hills. The classmates who once viewed him as a mere campus irritant now look with scorn, bemusement, and sadness at the disgraced lobbyist driving the country's biggest corruption case.

At the school, which prides itself on promoting the social justice values embodied by its namesake, Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis, there is embarrassment.

''We're ashamed of him," said Michael T. Gilmore, longtime chairman of the English and American literature department at Brandeis.

In the fall of 1977, Abramoff, a recent adherent to Orthodox Judaism and son of a wealthy businessman, arrived at Brandeis, with the campus roiling.

Students were agitating for divestment from South Africa, nuclear disarmament, and exit visas for Soviet Jews, turning the concrete plaza in front of the sprawling student center into a stage for left-wing speeches and protests. Feminist author Betty Friedan, antiwar activist Abbie Hoffman, and writer Norman Mailer were welcomed as heroes when they visited.

But Abramoff admired another figure -- Ronald Reagan -- an idealistic Californian like himself who was ''the most pro-Israel candidate in the presidential campaign," Abramoff told the student newspaper, The Justice, in September 1980, his senior year.

Enthralled, Abramoff made his mark on campus, organizing parties, softball games, and movie nights for the Brandeis College Republicans, which elected him chairman. Targeting freshmen, he turned the club from a laughingstock into a formidable movement of 150 young Reaganites by the fall of 1980, as Reagan headed toward his election win.

Selected the lead student organizer for Reagan in Massachusetts, Abramoff hung ''Reagan '80" banners off bridges over Route 128, helped register 3,000 students to vote, schmoozed men in South Boston social clubs, and accompanied Maureen Reagan, the candidate's daughter, on a trip to Brookline to persuade the Bostoner Rebbe, a national Hasidic leader, to endorse Reagan, a nod that was believed to be worth thousands of Orthodox Jewish votes.

''This guy was a raging Republican and it was like, what are you doing here?" said Adam Gaffin, 46, a computer magazine editor from Boston who was an editor at The Justice. ''Brandeis was not the same school it was in the 60s, but it was still a liberal Jewish school."

After Reagan won, claiming Massachusetts by a few thousand votes, The Justice filled with laments about the country's shift to the right, and the paper begrudgingly credited Abramoff, dubbing him ''Ronnie's Secret Helper."

After the election, Abramoff became president of the Massachusetts College Republican Union and, on trips to Harvard and other campuses, increased its membership from 300 to 5,000. Reagan's victory, he told The Globe in 1981, had increased student enthusiasm for the GOP ''spectacularly."

In the spring of 1981, Abramoff sought a bigger platform. He campaigned across the country with a friend from the Reagan campaign, a Harvard Business School student named Grover Norquist, and won election to the chairmanship of the College Republican National Committee.

''He was good, he was serious, and he wanted to change the world," said Norquist, now a national conservative leader and president of Americans for Tax Reform, an antitax group in Washington, D.C. ''There was a real sense that you could turn the world around with Reagan."

Back on campus, Abramoff escalated his campaign.

When 100 sign-toting students took to Yakus Plaza in front of the student center, protesting US military aid to El Salvador and chanting ''one, two, three, four, US hands off El Salvador," Abramoff crashed the demonstration, waving American flags in students' faces and belting out ''God Bless America." Disgruntled students wrote that week to The Justice, denouncing Abramoff and the Republicans who had joined him as brutes.

"He was going against the grain even back then," said Jay Rovins, 46, a New Jersey retailer who was one of Abramoff's roommates. ''For Jack, it was him and his inner circle and then everybody else, and that wasn't in a negative way so much as that was his world view."

Abramoff also charted his own course socially. At parties, he rarely drank and would leave the room when students smoked marijuana, friends said. He dated the same woman, a quiet pre-premed student, all four years. He prayed before classes in the morning, stayed home on Fridays to observe the Sabbath, and kept a kosher kitchen in his dorm.

Abramoff was generous, too. He loaned Rovins the Cougar for a first date with the woman who would become Rovins' wife, and he took his friends with him to Anthony's Pier 4 in Boston when his father visited. All the while, Abramoff grew more dedicated to activism.

"There was no doubt that when Jack left Brandeis he was on his way to Washington to continue the work that he had started with the Brandeis Young Republicans," said Stuart Chanen, 46, a lawyer from Chicago who was senior class speaker. ''It was clear he was dedicated to the cause."

Far different causes animated most of Abramoff's fellow alumni. Brandeis, founded in 1948 by American Jews seeking to create a university free from the quotas Jews faced at elite colleges and dedicated to the social welfare of the world, has sent graduates on to distinguished careers in politics, academia, and the arts. Graduates include columnist Thomas L. Friedman of '75, magazine editor Martin Peretz of '59, and actress Debra Messing of '90, from the television show ''Will & Grace."

But the news this month that Abramoff, 46, who had built one of Washington's most lucrative and GOP-connected lobbying empires, had pleaded guilty to conspiracy, fraud, and tax evasion brought memories flooding back to the graying class. Was that really the same student from Deroy Hall who walked out of a courthouse in Washington, looking like a heavyset Hollywood villain in a trench coat and fedora?

"The person that I knew was smiling and laughing much more readily than the scowling images that you see on television now," Rovins said. ''This is a guy that loved to laugh and loved to joke more than anything."

For their reunion in June, class members will gather at the Westin Waltham-Boston, take a Duck Tour, hold a barbeque, and tour their old campus haunts. No one expects Abramoff to show. The last time they heard from the one-time agitator was when he submitted a tidbit to the alumni notes last year. Abramoff mentions he is married with five children, helped start two schools in Washington, is lobbying Congress, and has fond memories of his years at Brandeis.

"It was a great experience and I learned a lot!" he wrote.

all things must pass

Eh. All good things come to an end. It's really hard to complain about the Pats losing - it was bound to happen eventually. We had a good run. And Brady and Belichick will still be around for a while. And I got to see them win at home last week, clinching their historic 10th consecutive post-season win.

it was a good run.

But it's just a game. And far better - and more important - things happened last night.

Like the fact that I became an uncle. Happy birthday Jacob!


And, in an unrelated event, Ross became a dad.

Mazel Tov all around!

Brady's Bunch

Patriots at Denver:

John Elway retired instead of going for a third consecutive Super Bowl victory. His former team now can prevent Tom Brady from having a shot at it.

Brady tries to build his legend in the city where Elway became one, looking to lift the New England Patriots one step closer to making NFL history when they visit the Denver Broncos in an AFC divisional playoff game.

New England enters with an NFL-record, 10-game playoff winning streak under coach Bill Belichick, including winning three of the past four Super Bowls. Last season, the Patriots became the first back-to-back NFL champions since Elway and the Broncos in 1998.

No team has won three consecutive Super Bowls.

Emphasis mine.

Tom Brady is 10-0 in his first ten post-season starts, another NFL record.

We're not greedy. But the first ever Super Bowl three-peat would be nice to round out the other lone records Belichick's boys hold.

Go Pats.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Thanks for giving me life and all.

Holy 40th Anniversary!

Happy 40th Anniversary, old chum.

It was 40 years ago today that the Batman TV show debuted. Over a decade later, a young Benari discovered the campy brilliance that was this show.

In the early 80s, my father once interviewed Adam West for his radio show. I must have been about 4 or 5 years old, maybe even younger. At the end of the interview, I had the distinct pleasure of hearing Adam West wish me well, reminding me:

"Remember to eat your vegetables, Benari!"

That was pretty cool.

The goddamn Batman.

To honor this milestone, McSweeney's analysis of the Batman theme song.

Forceful and at the same time plainly stated, we here are shown Batman in full, unvarnished truth. Full of aspiration, yet subject to the pitfalls of mortal life, Batman simply is.

Dalton says:

"All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected."

"Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary."

"And three, be nice."

"...I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice."

ASB&R:TBW # 3: Are we there yet?

Okay. I might be the ONLY comic geek on the planet who has no strong feelings one way or the other regarding Frank Miller's All-Star Batman & Robin: The Boy Wonder. I don't think it's horrible and awful, nor do I think it's amazingly hilarious and wonderful. It's just sort of a comic book that's sort of fun to read.

I'll let others debate the merits of repeating the phrase "love chunks" 25 times or whether or not we're in on the "joke" or the butt of the "joke"...nor will I try to mind-read Miller's intentions and declare others to be complete morons for not getting it (whatever "it" might be). All I know is, Frank Miller has stated that this is kind of his Robin: Year One.

We're at issue three now. By the third issue of Batman: Year One, we had been introduced to Bruce Wayne, Alfred, Selina Kyle, Jim Gordon, Sarah Essen, and many others. We learned about Gordon's uphill battle against the corrupt Gotham police force, his impending fatherhood, and his shameful affair. We learned of Selina's beginnings as Catwoman. We learned of Bruce's parents' murder, his vow to fight crime and avenge their deaths, his dedication to justice, and several key events leading to him donning the bat outfit.

By issue three of Batman: Year One, Bruce Wayne had botched his first mission, learned from his mistakes, crafted a reckless and carefree playboy persona for Bruce Wayne as well as the shadow-y mythos of the Batman. He had taken on Gotham's corrupt officials, created alibis, and begun forging a friendship with Jim Gordon. In the third issue, Batman makes a spectacular escape from the swat team and he even saves a cat.

In only four issues of Batman: Year One, Miller created a definitive origin of the Dark Knight. He deftly and concisely intertwined the disparate stories of James Gordon and Bruce Wayne, clearly defined their characters and provided copious amounts of outstanding comic book goodness, complete with quiet introspection and loud 'splosions. Not too shabby for a comic book.

Now, as I said, All-Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder is on issue number 3. I won't make an issue-by-issue comparison of the two works because that's not fair and this isn't a "Miller's old stuff is better" argument. But it's issue three and Batman and Dick Grayson (he's not even Robin yet) are still sitting in the Batmobile.

And, having read the issue in question, I just have one request:

Will the goddamn Batman PLEASE get out of the goddamn batmobile and do some goddamn thing already?!

Thank you.

Me versus the machines

I refuse to be bested by a machine.

So, there's this website:
Guess the Dictator and/or Television Sit-Com Character

Here are the rules: Pretend to be a dictator or television sitcom character. I'll try to guess who you are by asking simple yes/no questions. If you're not sure of the answer to a question, answer "No". If you forgot who you were pretending to be, go take a nap, you're obviously under too much stress. Also, drink plenty of fluids.

I tried a few different ones, testing the waters, before I got clever. Guess after guess, it was getting them right. It even got Tootie.

It easily guessed Ralph Hinkley from The Greatest American Hero. Then I got a sneaky. I chose an obscure character who suddenly disappeared from tv without ever being mentioned again. Tricky. Or so I thought.

I win again! You are player number 12 to have chosen Chuck from Happy Days. I knew you were Chuck from Happy Days from the start, but I strung you along for a while to make it seem more sporting. I hope that one day you will overcome the powerful sense of humiliation that you now feel. Until then, good luck.

Chuck, Richie Cunningham's older brother who one day walked out the front door to play basketball, never to be seen or heard from again.

This thing was good.

But finally, FINALLY, I stumped it.

Captain Christopher Pike. It didn't know good ol' Captain Pike.

You won this time, puny mortal! And I fail again. I guess my parents were right, I'll always be a failure. I guess it's time to start looking for a new job.

Ha HA! Stupid machine.

This has been the highlight of my day. sigh.

dunked

Back from yet another Battle Assembly - that's what they call drill weekends now: Battle Assembly. Or BA. Pronounced "Bah" - at least, that's how I say it. So, playing Army is done for January. Yay.

But that's not why I called you all here today.

Every morning, on my way to the Reserve Center, I grabbed a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee. I would grab a cup in the afternoon as well, on the way home. Because Dunkin Dounts had what I used to think was the best coffee on earth.

I looooove coffee. In fact, right now - as I type these very words - I am drinking freshly-brewed coffee from a giant Superman mug. It's enormous, three cups worth. If you ever visit my folks, there are always endless pots of coffee brewing in the kitchen. It's heavenly. In college, I worked at a coffee shop - first on campus and then in its main Newton shop. I was, what is pretentiously referred to as, a barista. I can appreciate a fresh cup of exceptionally rich and flavorful Guatemalan Huehuetenango or the mild body of a Dominican coffee...but there was just something special about a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee. Maybe it's the simple elegance or its working class roots. Maybe they put crack in it. I don't know. All I know is, if I see a Dunkin Donuts and I don't have a cup of coffee in my hand...

Anyway, this past weekend, I stopped at no less than 5 different Dunkin Donuts chains and helped myself to a heapin' brew of their famous coffee. Usually, a medium Hazelnut with cream and sugar. And I have a message for the fine folks who make the important decisions: please make the coffee like you used to make it!!!

5 different cups o' joe and 5 different reactions. Two cups were old and stale-tasting, downright burnt and excessively bitter - what I expect Joan Crawford must have tasted like in her later years.

One cup carried an overwhelmingly chemical taste - I assume it came from whatever they were masquerading as their "hazelnut flavor shot." I think it was Windex.

One cup was far too bland, tasting nothing like the rich, smooth coffee I have come to expect from the Double D.

One cup, thankfully, was juuuust right and restored my faith in humanity.

A perfectly poured cup of fresh-brewed Dunkin Donuts coffee stokes the embers of hope that one day Dunkin Dounts coffee will retain its high quality in every chain, in every store across this great country of ours, bringing joy and caffeine to everybody, everywhere.

After pondering it some more, I realize what it is that makes a good Dunkin Donuts cup of joe. It's not simply the beans or the flavor shots or the minimum wage workers who may or may not spit in every third cup of coffee ... no. That special ingredient that makes Dunkin Donuts coffee so good is love. And when that love is missing, that coffee becomes just another scalding hot puddle of sludge in a styrofoam cup, burning the taste from your tongue and the joy from your soul. So step it up a bit, Dunkin Donuts coffee makers. Don't let the hard bean-picking work of those migrant workers go in vain! Make every cup of Dunkin Dounts' coffee the best damn cup of coffee in the world!


...because I have $1.86 left on my Dunkin Donuts gift card and I could really use a good cup of coffee right about now...

Wrath of Kong

Go see it. On the big screen. I mean:



Who DOESN'T want to see a giant ape battle a T-Rex? On the big screen. Even Pinkos wanna see THAT.

And Kong battles THREE of 'em! How Baroque.


Peter Jackson has crafted what is, in my screenwriting student opinion, a modern epic tragedy. If I may indulge in my grad school nerdery for a moment: in Ancient Greek tragedy, the audience members all knew the stories presented on stage. Part of what made the tragedies tragic was that everyone knew HOW the story ended; what they were witnessing in the tragedies were the choices that led to the inevitable outcome. In Peter Jackson's King Kong, he takes a modern American myth (that of 1933's King Kong), fleshes out the familiar story and truly captures Kong's tragedy. When he leaps to Ann Darrow's defense in the savage jungle of Skull Island, the audience cheers. When he beats his chest in triumph after brutally slaying prehistoric creatures, the audience roars with approval. When Kong sits shackled, pathetic and humiliated in chains on the Broadway stage, the audience pities him. And when he grasps Anne in his paw and makes his way fatefully through the streets of New York City, the Empire State Building looming ominously in the distance, the audience shudders with recognition of the inevitable tragic outcome. We know how the story ends.

As Kong sits quietly atop the gleaming skyscraper, admiring the majesty and beauty of the Big Apple with Ann by his side, we shake our heads in anticipation of what's to come. The familiar buzzing of the bi-planes alerts us of the final danger and as they zoom around the corner of the Empire State Building, we know we're witnessing Kong's last stand against civilization.

Epic. Tragedy. Starring a giant monkey.

It's the ultimate GUY Chick-Flick. Kong should never have left the island, where he was king. But, alas, he lets his love for the blonde lead him to disaster. Poor dude gets himself killed over a pretty lady. As Denham so succinctly puts it: "It was beauty killed the beast."

You can tell a lot of love and care went into making this movie. BUT. I still prefer the original.

WHAT?

Yeah, you read that right. This new Kong has some flaws (didn't need that much backstory for EVERY minor character), but it's an excellent film. But it's missing that one essential: the re-watchability factor. As beautiful as it is, I don't think the new Kong will be all that re-watchable. Oh, sure. Some parts will be re-watchable - they could probably put out a special DVD called "Kong fights dinosaurs, plays with Naomi Watts on the ice and then gets shot by planes atop the Empire State Building" - but overall, it's one of those films where once you see it, you've seen it.

Whereas I could watch the original over and over and over again. In fact, my sister got me the special edition King Kong DVD and I've already watched it a bunch of times. For all it's goofiness and dated content, the original still holds up. Its concise script, its brisk pace and sharp characters make the original a classic. Plus, the jerky, stop-motion claymation Kong carries a certain charm - it has an unreality about it that makes it almost more believable. In the original, Kong is neither man nor monster. It's THAT kind of unreal look that captured my imagination as a kid and still excites me today. In the new one, he's literally a giant gorilla. Kong is almost too realistic looking in Jackson's King Kong, which somehow takes away from the fantastic element that made the original so unique. The original has a quaint feel of making magic, whereas the new one just looks like slick CGI.

Also, Jackson's movie really focuses on the love between Ann and Kong, which is beautiful and lovely and sweet. But it lacks sexual chemistry. I know that sounds weird, but we're talking King Kong here. The original was ALL about sexual tension, a giant beast lusting after the beautiful blonde bombshell. There's no sex in Jackson's movie; it lacks the intensity that only sex provides, and because of that, Kong's relationship with Ann is sweet and tender without being passionate.

So, in conclusion, you should all see the new King Kong on the big screen. It's epic and beautiful... but you really only need to see it once.

Then, watch the original a few times and remember that movies can also be fun.

Plus, Fay Wray was hot.

Nothing to say, but it's okay...

Hm. So far, 2006 doesn't seem to be off to the best start.

Let's, uh, let's get to work on that.

another year older...

When I started this blog thing a year ago, I made some New year's resolutions. Let's see how I did.

1. I resolve to do something important this year.

Check. I think. maybe. No, definitely, I did something important this year.

2. I resolve to kiss a pretty girl this year, for no other reason than I find her to be pretty.

Check.

3. I resolve to make someone laugh this year.

Check.

4. I resolve to do something surprising.

Check. Hello, grad school.

5. I resolve to come up with better resolutions next year.

Hmmm...not so much. I'll have to work on that one for next year.

New resolution:

I resolve to continue taking chances.

And I will try to not feel silly for having a blog.

and the countdown begins

May your New Year be filled with peace, happiness, and success.

It's gotta be better than 2005, right?

Here's to good things in 2006. Lots of mazel.

...water...

Know what happens when guys in hard hats work on a busted water main outside your apartment?



You end up with no water!



Curses.

*Thanks to the GCD for the cover image.

Chappy Cholidays

Happy whatever it is you celebrate!

Quizzes never lie

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...me! Don't mean to brag, but...

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 100% Spider-Man 90% Green Lantern 80% The Flash 65% Robin 60% Supergirl 60% Hulk 60% Iron Man 55% Batman 50% Wonder Woman 45% Catwoman 30%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Merry Christmas poor people!

Yay! We're gonna shave 2.5 percent off of the 1.6 TRILLION dollar shortfall by screwing old folks and students! Yay!!!

The Republican-controlled Senate passed legislation to cut federal deficits by $39.7 billion on Wednesday by the narrowest of margins, 51-50, with Vice President Dick Cheney casting the deciding vote.

The measure, the product of a year's labors by the White House and the GOP in Congress, imposes the first restraints in nearly a decade in federal benefit programs such as Medicaid, Medicare and student loans.

Because, you know, that's where all the wasteful spending is...

By themselves, the deficit cuts included in the five-year bill would amount to only 2.5 percent of projected shortfalls totaling $1.6 trillion over the same time frame. Republicans said the significance lies in more than mere numbers, adding that programs such as Medicare and Medicaid threaten to consume an unsustainable amount of federal revenue if their growth is not trimmed quickly.

Home health care payments under Medicare would be frozen at current levels for a year under the bill, Medicaid regulations would be changed to make it harder for the elderly to qualify for federal nursing home benefits by turning assets over to their children.

Lender subsidies are reduced as part of an attempt to squeeze $12.6 billion from student loan programs. Another provision raises $3.6 billion for the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp., the federal agency that protects certain pension plans. The money would come from an increase in the premium employers pay for each covered worker or retiree, and from a fee on companies that end their pension plans.

So, the government is squeezing pennies from students who desperately need all the money they can get (*cough*) and forcing employees to pay a HIGHER PREMIUM for reduced pension benefits...

Thanks GOP! You really ARE a Grand Old Party!

Merry f*#@in' Christmas!

holiday (re-)hash

Finishing out my first semester of grad school, I suddenly realize that 2005 is almost over.

And, in the interests of trying to keep this blog updated (and failing), I am posting a link to an April post of mine, in honor of new buzz surrounding (yet again) the planned Watchmen movie. Since the upcoming movie will most likely never live up to expectations (if it even gets made), I've decided to remain positive and celebrate the wonder of what could be a Watchmen musical, as written by me. And Ross.

Enjoy.


Watchmen: the Musical!

Oh, Johnny

IN MEMORIAM
2002-2005

plugging away

End of the semester for me, which means lots of writing, very little blogging. How will any of you survive?

For those in the NYC area on Monday, come see me do a tight 7-minute set at Stand-Up NY.

Monday, December 19th @ 9PM
Stand-Up New York
236 West 78th Street, New York City

And don't worry; the trains should all be running on time because the current unions are pussies.

You know why the MTA won't change their offer? Because the unions set a deadline of midnight last night and then...they blinked. They extended the deadline. And when they caved before getting any of their demands met, they lost.


Now, I pay $76/month for an unlimited metro pass. And I certainly want the subway to run smoothly, my service uninterrupted. But I gotta say, the unions really let me down here. Shutting down the city's transit system, that's a display of power. That's the ultimate trump card, the: "we run this city, don't fuck with us" bargaining chip. When they called off the strike, they sent another message to the MTA: we don't have the balls to call your bluff. The MTA is also winning the PR war, as their commuter-friendly contingency plan demonstrates. And so, the MTA will win this argument. The union lost all credibility and, even worse, displayed their utter lack of conviction. Sad, really.

Oh, well. At least I can still ride the train. Yay.

Richard Pryor (1940-2005)

Richard Pryor, the caustic yet perceptive actor-comedian who lived dangerously close to the edge both on stage and off, died Saturday. He was 65.

Pryor died shortly before 8 a.m. of a heart attack after being taken to a hospital from his home in the San Fernando Valley, said his business manager, Karen Finch. He had been ill for years with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the nervous system.

"Fuck'n is good for you, jack. Gettin' some pussy beats having a war." -Richard Pryor

who ya gonna Call?

The BENARI multi-media extravaganza continues! Tonight, I'll be appearing on NY1's The Call at 9 PM, for all you New Yorkers out there. Our own Danny Newbower will also be on. So definitely tune in. You don't wanna miss what is sure to be a spectacular train wreck!


Basic cable news will never be the same.

we all shine on

Tonight! Tonight only!

You can hear me live at 10 PM on WBZ, 1030 AM. I will be the resident Beatles expert on The Paul Sullivan Show, as we discuss the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's assassination.


Tune in, call in, and shine on.

imagine

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

John Winston Ono Lennon
Oct 9, 1940 - Dec 8, 1980

I don't speak gibberish

The hell?

What is this? Anyone speak French? Can anyone out there translate this perhaps?

What kind of a crazy list am I on here?

And why? Dear God, WHY?!

Monkey Pimpin' Daddies

Great Caesar's Ghost! It's BIG MONKEY COMICS! Washington, DC and nearby Fredericksburg, Virginia will never be the same!

Check out their online website.

SEE:

Comic book reviews, blogs, and fan forums!

HEAR:

Your favorite Super Hero-themed songs on Big Monkey Radio!

BUY:

Comics online! Or visit them in person at their real world locations and talk to real live human beings!

Run by DC lovin' Scipio and Seven Hells dwellin' Devon, Big Monkey Comics is sure to be a blast. Go support those comic book lovin' fools!


Speaking of which...

ROCKYSHIP DOWN

Thanks to the fine folks at Rocketship for another fun evening of Q&A with Swedens's own Martin Kellerman. Congrats Alex and Mary! Nice turnout, interesting discussion and a unique look at the distinction between the American comic book market and oversees markets. And, it introduced me to the world of Kellerman's Rocky, which I will be checking out more of, in the near future.

Oh, and I met more actual real live people who usually lurk 'neath the icey depths of the dark and mysterious internet. Lookin' at you, Joe. Weird. I thought bloggers didn't actually exist. Maybe I'll run into the Easter Bunny today...

Get some

Creativity linked to sexual success

Psychologists at the University of Newcastle upon Tyne and the Open University found that professional artists and poets have about twice as many partners as other people.

Their creativity seems to act like a sexual magnet.

YAY!!!

But Dr Daniel Nettle, a psychologist at Newcastle University's School of Biology, said it is a double-edge sword.

"Poets and artists have more sexual partners but they also have high rates of depression," he told Reuters.

Awwwww.

The study also showed that the average number of sexual partners increased as creative output went up. What the artists produce draws attention to them, which seems to enhance their sexual allure.

YAY AGAIN!!!

Motivation for me to get more writing done and start performing more...

fanboy musings

I love comic books. I love the escapism, I love the humor and melodrama, the angst. I love well constructed tales of two-fisted heroism and savvy social criticism crammed into 28 pages or so of four-color mayhem.

Love it. It makes me happy.

Which is why I have to agree with Mike on his assessment of the dialogue in All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder. TM.

Now, without getting into the merits of Frank Miller's current writing ability or his tendency to repeat the same monosyllabic phrases several times over 4 pages, I think he's made his intentions on the book quite clear. And not in interviews. In the actual book itself. Now, it might not be your type of comic book. Perhaps you don't enjoy being laughed at or ridiculed after shelling out 3-4 bucks and waiting 6-7 months for the story. But, execution aside, I think Miller's setting up an actual character arc here with Batman, as well as Robin.

And to piggyback on Mike's comments, in the context of the story, Batman is not only trying to scare young Dick Grayson, he himself is a character in flux, an angry young man absorbed in his war on crime in danger of losing his humanity. This is a Batman who has not come into his own yet.



Let's take a quick historical look at who Batman was in 1940, before Robin burst into his life. Batman was a vigilante and a borderline psychopath who routinely killed corrupt thugs and enemies, without remorse or regret. Only after the introduction of Robin did Batman acquire his moral code and more acceptable ethical behavior. Seems to me like a Batman whose conduct is evolving is exactly the Batman of Miller's world right now. Maybe it's not just about Batman recruiting a little boy into his war on crime. Perhaps Miller is telling the story of a Batman who needs a Robin to temper him, who needs a Robin to protect his own humanity and prevent him from becoming like the common murderers he battles. This is a Batman who needs a Robin keep him from succumbing to the darkness of what he is desperately fighting against.

Perhaps All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder isn't about introducing the iconic characters of Batman and Robin as they are most famously known; instead, maybe it's about revealing the characters' journey, showing us how they became the iconic characters we know and love.

Or maybe Miller is simply laughing at everyone who ever liked his work when we were kids, slapping us around and screaming: "You can never go home again! Now watch me daterape your childhood. Slowly."

Only time will tell.


That being said, All Star Superman rocks all kinds of worlds and is all sorts of goodness which needs no further explanation. So there.

PS: A belated congrats and Mazel Tov to John Rogers on his latest endeavor at DC Comics. Can't wait to see an all-new Blue Beetle fight Lobo in a Japansese schoolgirl outfit. Now that's the kind of comic book madness I think we can all agree upon.

where does the time go

And we're back.

What did you do this past Thanksgiving?



Only the turkey knows.

juvie hall

TONIGHT! I'll let Kyria explain:

Pudding on Saturday

The shows have been going great so far, yes they have! And the best part is, there's still another chance for YOU to come.

Dont miss:

The Target Demographic in "Extra Pudding"

(It's a sketch show, but it is funny)

With
Kyria Abrahams! (From Jest)
Jay Bois! (From The Big Night Out)
Dan Newbower! (From VH-1)
Benari Poulten! (From School Ties)
Jason Reich! (From The Daily Show)
Erik Seims! (From Lit)
...and introducing Shirley Jane Temple as Miss Lulu Parsnips.

- Saturday 19 November, at Juvie Hall.
- 8 PM
- $8 (yeah, I know, but we gotta rent the hall)

Juvie Hall is located below the Gene Frankel Theater at 24 Bond Street, between the Bowery and Lafayette Street. (Take the B, D, F, V or 6 to Broadway Lafayette/ Bleecker Street.)

Drinking to be done after.



See ya tonight.

warning

Thanks Kevin.

Go here to make your own.

Fried, eh?

I have the worst study habits EVER. I swear, I'm a terrible student. I *SHOULD* be working on my full length play and the next 30 pages of my screenplay for school.

What am I actually doing?

Watching the teaser trailer for Superman Returns.


It's a little biazarre. It definitely gets me excited, but not for the movie they're trying to promote. The stirring , kick-ass use of the original John Williams score coupled with Marlon Brando as Jor-El narrating gets me psyched...for the original. Really, that's what this teaser does: it makes me want to see the original - perhaps even a digitally re-mastered, special effects enhanced version? It also makes me nostalgic for Christopher Reeve's iconic portrayal of the Man of Steel...irrational? Unfair? Yes. But I dare you to hear that score, listen to Brando saying "I have sent them you, my only son" and NOT want to see Chris soaring toward the camera.

Tying the new Superman movie into the original movie continuity is a great concept and that tug of nostalgia is a pretty powerful tool in garnering excitment... but it might prove *too* powerful, overshadowing the new film and reminding us that we'd rather be seeing the original classic, the one that first made us believe a man could fly.


....

Um, I should stop geeking out over someone else's movie and actually get back to writing my screenplay now...

All Star Superman

Just get it.

Now.

Read it. And love it.

Packed with action, pathos, wonder, pseudo-science, iconic mythology and far-out concepts...oh, and FUN.

Lots of fun.

Well done, lads.

Bye bye Beowulf

Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. I'm Beowulf. Perhaps you've heard of me? My song will live forever.

And now I shall atonally sing "My song will live forever" for the next 73 minutes.

If someone asks you to go see something called Beowulf: A Rock Opera, don't. Just...don't.

No matter how intriguing the concept might sound or how hilarious the idea of a musical Beowulf might be, it's not funny. Well, not intentionally. Certainly not in a good way.


But his song will live forever.

Top Man

Once again, old chum Kevin brings us news, this time of the untimely demise of William Hootkins. You'll remember him best as Porkins in Star Wars. Yes. They named the fat guy Porkins.

But true geeks and connoisseurs of good film will also remember him as Lt. Eckhardt in 1989's Batman. And the fact that he also had a bit part in Superman IV: the Quest for Peace should be enough to immortalize him in the Geek "Bit Player" Hall of Fame, along with John Ratzenberger who managed to appear in both Empire Strikes Back AND Superman II.

But William Hootkins also played Major Eaton, a small-but-essential role in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. In fact, he is responsible for one of my favorite unsung exchanges in the movie, an exchange I often quote:

Maj. Eaton: We have top men working on it now.
Indiana: Who?
Maj. Eaton: Top. Men.

Classic.

1948-2005

Go to Juvie Hall

Tonight! I'll let Kyria explain:

The Target Demographic's "Extra Pudding"

With
Kyria Abrahams!
Jay Bois!
Benari Poulten!
Jason Reich!
Erik Seims!

We've got 45 minutes of sketch comedy for you tonight at 9pm in Juvie Hall. $5!

A big, luxurious, full-length production of “Extra Pudding” will take place at 8:00pm Saturday November 19. $8!

Juvie Hall is located below the Gene Frankel Theater at 24 Bond Street, between the Bowery and Lafayette Street. (Take the B, D, F, V or 6 to Broadway Lafayette/ Bleecker Street.)

be there and be square!

I'll prove it exists, and then I'll kill it!

From the AP:

A mythical monster, believed by some to have lived for hundreds of years in the murky depths of a Swedish lake, is now fair game for hunters — if they can find it. Authorities have agreed to lift its endangered species protection.

Hundreds of people claim to have spotted a large serpent-like creature in Lake Storsjon in the northwestern province of Jamtland, and in 1986 the regional council put it on a list of endangered animals.

But a government watchdog challenged the decision, saying such protection was hardly necessary for a creature whose existence has not been proven.

The regional council agreed to remove the listing this month, but declined to rule out that a monster lives in the 300-foot deep lake.

"It exists, inasmuch as it lives in the minds of people," the council's chief legal adviser Peter Lif said about the purported beast. "But I guess we'll have to agree that it cannot be proved scientifically, and then it should not be listed as an endangered species."

The so-called Storsjo monster was first mentioned in print in 1635. Hundreds of sightings have been reported since then. Some people describe the creature as a snakelike animal with a dog's head and fins on its neck. But no clear image of it has been captured on camera.

Storsjo monster aficionados said lifting the endangered species protection was a mistake, and appeared insulted by the decision.

"We are not fanatics," said Christer Berko, of the Storsjo monster association. "We see this as very interesting phenomenon that we unfortunately have not been able to document."

I don't know if this thing even exists, but if it does, we gonna make sure it don't!

Veterans' Day wishes

To all those who have served and to those who continue to serve:

Thank you.

Turn me on, deadman

One and one and one is three:



Got to be good lookin' cuz he's so hard to see!



Paul is dead man, miss him, miss him...

If I told you about the comic, I'd have to kill you

Thanks to Kevin for pointing me to this wonderful CIA-produced bit of psyops.



You see that shit there, to the left? They're giving the soldiers flowers and pies and shit! Now THAT'S how you encourage those former-Commies to treat ya when you liberate them. All you gotta do is SHOW them how to act when you save them.

The bit that disturbs me, however, is the little editorial note on the inside cover that reads:

This comic was produced by a team of American work-for-hire illustrators (now deceased)...

Now deceased! That's some hard core shit, right there. Now it really makes me wonder whatever happened to some of my favorite artists who were working in the 80s and then suddenly disappeared...

Pirates. They're out there.

And we're ready for 'em with Reed Richards-esque technology:

As pirates armed with machine guns and rocket-propelled grenades closed in on a luxury cruise liner off Somalia's coast last weekend, crew members fended them off with water hoses and an electronic device that blasts an earsplitting noise.

The device, developed for U.S. warships after the 2000 attack on the USS Cole off Yemen, unleashed a piercing barrage nearly twice as loud as a smoke detector, while passengers huddled in a dining room away from windows. Capt. Sven Erik Pederson called for full steam ahead, taking the 10,000-ton Seabourn Spirit as fast as it could go. Pederson eventually outran the pirates, who were in small boats, and sought refuge in the Seychelles, a group of islands in the Indian Ocean.

''These guys bit off more than they could chew,'' said Bruce Good, spokesman for Miami-based Seabourn Cruise Line, a subsidiary of Carnival Corp. ``The ship is seven decks high and 439 feet long. It takes a certain amount of stupidity or audacity to attack something like that.''

The pirates approached in one, maybe two boats measuring 25 feet long about 100 miles off the Somali coast Saturday morning. The Spirit doesn't go very fast -- it has a cruising speed of just 16 knots, or 18.4 miles an hour -- so crew members countered with hoses and a nonlethal weapon called a Long Range Acoustic Device, Good said.

Developed by American Technology Corp. of San Diego, the device transmits a high-pitched, piercing noise in a directed beam, without affecting its operators or anyone outside its target range, such as the ship's passengers.

Long Range Acoustic Device. It's so rad, it's L-RAD. Take that, Pirates.

Happy Birthday, Jim Steranko

I'm a few days late, but I wanted to wish one of my all-time favorite artists a happy birthday: Happy Birthday, Jim Steranko!

One of the inspirations for Kavalier and Clay, Steranko's brief stint in comics in the late 60's has left a lasting impact and his legendary images continue to resonanate today. His Nick Fury is THE definitive version, as far as I'm concerned.

He had the perfect blend of King Kirby's jagged, explosive madness and Jazzy Johnny Romita's clean, beautiful linework, fusing the best elements of all the great artists (from popular to classic)and creating something uniquely wild-yet-realistic. A world of limitless possibilities, where fantasy and reality co-mingled in a sci-fi fantasia of heroism.

And his comic books were just plain FUN.


It's 1986 and I'm 9 years old. Somehow, I have the 2-issue 1983 prestige format series reprinting Steranko's legendary run on Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD. There are no capes, no super powers, no rage-fulled mutants within these pages - and yet, I was drawn to these 2 issues, devouring them. The art, the storytelling technique, the vivid imagery and the overall wackiness of the concepts grabbed me, sucked me into this strange world of spies, danger, over-the-top villains, and outlandish gizmos.

To this day, Nick Fury remains one of my al-time favorite characters. And it's mostly due to the innovation and imagination of Jim Steranko.

His cover images tell more story than most comics tell in 12 issues these days. Evocative, moody, surreal and iconic, his images continue to inspire and allow us a glimpse into the magical world of what could be.

I leave you with one of my favorite Steranko covers - and if this Captain America cover does not give you a chill, then, to paraphrase Dave Campbell, you are a commie.



*images courtesy of the GCD.

Thanks for reminding me

Actual conversation, from a few weeks ago:

Me: First time I was at Galapagos, I had a great set - love that room.

Baron: Yeah, it's a great space. But the audience can sometimes be hit or miss; it's weird.

Me: Well, I've done a couple of sets there and - -

Dan: I've never had a bad set there.

Baron (without ANY hesitation): Benari has.

I just want to take you where I'm going...bah bah bah.

"I got a story to tell...!"

Peter Gallagher's first solo album, 7 Days in Memphis, debuts next week.

But this is not the first time Peter Gallagher has belted out a tune. Oh, no. Some of us remember back to a time when a determined Ray Sharkey molded a young impressionable Peter Gallagher into the rockstar sensation Caesare in the epic film classic, The Idol Maker. I highly recommend listening to the timeless hits of Caesare, blessedly archived on Peter Gallagher's own website. Seriously. To paraphrase James Lipton, this may be the most important movie ever made in the history of film making or even the world, ever.

If you haven't seen this movie, do yourself a favor and own it immediately. It will change your life forever. Cuz, uh, somethin' happened to me.

Metal Mayhem

I'll be at Siberia tonight. Why? I'll let our own hyperbolic Sam Walters, He of the Wounded Liver, explain:

What… what’s that rumbling sound? That swelling, now deafening peal of thunder?? Lord save us, it’s… IT’S… JOHN HENRY!! AHHHHHHH!!!! (And so on.)

Thursday, Nov. 3, 9 PM, at Siberia Bar, it’s time for more Crushing Rock from everyone’s favorite, curiously named Metal band. BUT WAIT! This time, John Henry plays sans drum machine! Heavy hitting Pat O’Shea will be filling in on skins providing a visceral element missing from last gig, after which everyone suggested we get a drummer and we were forced to acknowledge that two guys jumping around to a drum machine was “sorta gay.” Anyway, toast Evil with John Henry Thursday, Nov. 3, 9 PM, at Siberia Bar. Go on, try it!

It’ll make you feeeeel gooood! I mean, um, bad! Reeeeeal bad!

Siberia Bar
356 W 40th St .
(no # on door, but there’s a small red light over it.)
(646) 674-1710
(212) 333-4141

New song link! Yow!
http://samwalters.com/02_Ball_n_Chain.mp3

when a cell loves another cell very much...

Just 'cuz they're cells, it don't mean they can't get it on:

Scientists Find Fossils in Sexual Union

This was no one-night stand. Scientists in India say they have discovered two fossils fused together in sexual union for 65 million years.

The findings were published in the October edition of the Indian journal "Current Science," which said it was the first time that sexual copulation had been discovered in a fossil state, according to the Press Trust of India news agency.

But voyeurs will need a microscope to view the eternal lovers.

The fossils are tiny swarm cells, a stage in the development of the fungus myxomycetes, also known as slime molds.

The cells reproduce by "fusing," Ranjeet Kar of the Birbal Sahni Institute of Palaeobotany in Lucknow reportedly told PTI. Once the cells fuse, long, threadlike appendages known as flagella, are lost, he said.

Finding the fossils in a fused position and with their flagella shed, is evidence that the two cells were having sex, Kar said.

"The sexual organs being delicate and the time of conjugation short lived, it is indeed rare to get this stage in the fossil state," the study said.

The cells were discovered in a 30-foot deep dry well in the state of Madhya Pradesh.

Wow. And you thought science wasn't sexy!

Mr. T says:

Happy November, Fool!

SHOCKER!!

President nominates another old, rich white guy to the Supreme Court!

So consistently conservative, [appeals court judge Samuel] Alito has been dubbed “Scalito” or “Scalia-lite” by some lawyers because his judicial philosophy invites comparisons to conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. But while Scalia is outspoken and is known to badger lawyers, Alito is polite, reserved and even-tempered.

Awesome! He might legally bitch slap you back to pre-1950s America, but he does it with a smile.

and a brooklyn shout out to...

...my favorite neighborhood comicbook store Rocketship for a great booksigning party last night.

Check out all the fun here.

Well done, lads and ladies. Good time, all around.

welcome back

I'm really enjoying the hero's welcome that Tedy Bruschi's been getting during tonight's ESPN broadcast game.

Good to have ya back, Tedy.

"I am, I am, I am Superman..."

Oh, those crazy Austrians. You WILL believe a man can fail to fly.

GRAZ, Austria - A man who claimed he was Superman and could fly was hospitalized early Tuesday after leaping from a fourth-floor window, authorities said.

Paramedics rushed the 23-year-old man to a hospital in the city of Graz, about 120 miles south of Vienna, after he jumped from a window and suffered head and back injuries, police said.

They said the man — who apparently had drunk several bottles of red wine before attempting the jump — appeared at the window ledge at around 4 a.m. and shouted: "I am Superman! Nothing can happen to me!"

The jumper, whose name was not released, landed on part of a lower section and roof, sparing him from more serious injuries, authorities said.

Rosa Parks, February 4, 1913 – October 24, 2005

On Sunday, Parks becomes the first woman to lie in honor in the vast circular room under the Capitol dome in Washington, D.C.

Memories of our lives, of our works and our deeds will continue in others.
Rosa Parks

Each person must live their life as a model for others.
Rosa Parks

All I was doing was trying to get home from work.
Rosa Parks

People always say that I didn't give up my seat because I was tired, but that isn't true. I was not tired physically, or no more tired than I usually was at the end of a working day. I was not old, although some people have an image of me as being old then. I was forty-two. No, the only tired I was, was tired of giving in.
Rosa Parks

Presidential Medal of Freedom:

"On December 1, 1955, going home from work, Rosa Parks boarded a city bus in Montgomery, Alabama, and with one modest act of defiance, changed the course of history. By refusing to give up her seat, she sparked the Montgomery bus boycott and helped launch the civil rights movement. In the years since, she has remained committed to the cause of freedom, speaking out against injustice here and abroad.

Called the First Lady of Civil Rights, Rosa Parks has demonstrated, in the words of Robert Kennedy, that each time a person strikes out against injustice, she sends forth the tiny ripple of hope, which, crossing millions of others, can sweep down the walls of oppression."

Superman II: Electric Boogaloo

So, remember that fan-made version of Superman II using lost Donner footage?

Looks like the studio got the picture:




An all-new special edition of Superman II, re-cut by Richard Donner.


Kneel before Zod.

Bitch Slap Friday

Ever have one of those days when you just need to bitch slap some folks?


Yeah. Me, too.


Aquaman knows what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Bitch Slap o' the Day:

YOU GOT SERVED!

Vice presidential adviser I. Lewis "Scooter' Libby Jr. was indicted Friday on charges of obstruction of justice, making a false statement and perjury in the CIA leak case.

Karl Rove, President Bush's closest adviser, escaped indictment Friday but remained under investigation, his legal status a looming political problem for the White House.

The indictments stem from a two-year investigation by special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald into whether Rove, Libby or any other administration officials knowingly revealed the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame or lied about their involvement to investigators.

The five-count indictment accuses Libby of lying about how and when he learned about CIA official Plame's identity in 2003 and then told reporters about it. The information was classified.

CORPORATE AMERICA HATES SOLDIERS' FAMILIES

Forget the fact that this Michigan woman was working part-time and only making $9 an hour. Forget the fact that her husband is being deployed to Iraq for at least a year, probably more. Forget the fact that corporate America sucks.

This story really drives home the point that normal America does not give a rat's ass about being at WAR.

From the AP:

A woman who took an unpaid leave of absence from work to see her husband off to war with an Indiana National Guard unit has been fired after failing to show up for her part-time receptionist job the day following his departure.

"It was a shock," said Suzette Boler, a 40-year-old mother of three and grandmother of three. "I was hurt. I felt abandoned by people I thought cared for me. I sat down on the floor and cried for probably two hours."

Officials at her former workplace, Benefit Management Administrators Inc., a Caledonia employee-benefits company, confirmed that Boler was dismissed when she didn't report to work the day after she said goodbye to her husband of 22 years.

"We gave her sufficient time to get back to work," Clark Galloway, vice president of operations for Benefit Management, told The Grand Rapids Press for a story Wednesday.

He added that other factors were involved in the decision, but he declined to elaborate.

On Oct. 16, Boler went with her husband, Army Spc. Jerry Boler, 45, to an Indianapolis-area airfield, where he and others in his National Guard unit gathered to be transported to Fort Dix, N.J. The unit will soon be deployed to Iraq, where he will help guard convoys from insurgent attacks.

Although the Bolers moved to western Michigan 14 years ago, Jerry Boler, a diesel mechanic, decided to remain with his Bloomington, Ind.-based Guard unit, the 150th Field Artillery Regiment.

Suzette Boler had received permission to take off work the week leading up to her husband's departure. As a part-time employee at Benefit Management, she did not receive vacation pay and was not compensated for her time off.

She usually worked Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays answering telephones, entering claims information and greeting visitors and clients. Boler, who said she considers herself a reliable employee with good work habits, was employed at the company for 14 months and earned $9 per hour.

Boler recalled being asked, not ordered, to start back at her job Oct. 17, the day after her husband left. She told her bosses that she would try to return that day but if she could not, she would definitely be back Oct. 18, she said.

When Boler returned home from Indiana on the night of Oct. 16, a few hours after leaving her husband at the airfield, she said she felt drained by the emotional ordeal and decided to return to work Oct. 18.

But on the afternoon of Oct. 17, she received a call from work telling her to come in the following day and get her things because she was being fired. Her pink slip said the reason was she failed to show up for work Oct. 17, a Monday.

"If I had even an inkling that I would be fired for not coming in Monday, I would have been there," she said.

Sorry your husband is being shipped off to war. Screw you, lady! But don't worry, at a Specialist's pay rate (as an E-4, his base pay will be LESS than $2,000/month), I'm sure you patriotic folks willing to sacrifice for your country will somehow manage to survive. Meanwhile, we here at Benefit Management Administrators, Inc. will continue to exploit the poor and working class through low wages while simultaneously spitting in your face as your husband defends our right to do so. Ha HA! Corporate America wins again, suckers!

Okay - so. She didn't show up on the 17th, after taking a WEEK of UNPAID vacation. Isn't there someone in the compnay who is supposed to talk to her, find out if she's doing all right, find out what her circumstances may be? Someone to say, "hey, I understand. What can we do to make things better?" Maybe they just hate military families.

But wait, Benari. You don't know all the facts.

No. I don't. I don't know what her history at the company is like. But I do know bad timing and a callous disregard for human beings. This woman is in the middle of some very emotional circumstances - at the very least, a little special care should be given to ANYONE who has to endure a deployment. I think they could cut her a little slack this time. Until the rest of the US of A begins feeling the heavy impact of WAR, things like this will continue happening. Because we're delusional. We think everything can and should run normally - better than normal! - even when we're fighting two different wars on two different fronts in two different countries. We've been at war overseas for about 4 years now. We've been at war in Iraq for over 2 years. And so far, the only Americans who have truly been impacted by this have been military families, expected to bear the brunt of America's sacrifice. It's getting old.

Now, here's something interesting. I wanted to call up this company and register my extreme displeasure at their utter disregard for what this woman may be going through. But when I went to their website, http://www.benefitsthatfit.com/, to find some contact info, I got this message:

Our website is currently down. Please check back at a later time. We apologize for the inconvenience.

I guess I wasn't the only one who wanted to get in touch with these guys. That's encouraging. And with a little more googling, I was able to come up with a number and an address:


N. Henry Bledsoe
President/ASM
Benefit Management Administrators, Inc.
PO BOX 17
9365 Cherry Valley Ave
Caledonia, MI 49316
Phone: 616-891-1984
Fax: 616-891-9009
Email: henry@benefitsthatfit.com

Give 'em a call or drop 'em a nice letter or an e-mail. Remember to use civil language. And small words.



But, wait, Benari. All she had to do was show up to work the day after her husband got deployed! Aren't you getting a little carried away here?

You know what. When you get deployed or when your husband/wife/father/mother/son/daughter/loved one gets deployed, then you can talk to me about showing up to work the next day. Until then:

The OTHER white Sox

And somewhere ol' Shoeless Joe Jackson is smilin'...


Congratulations to that other long-suffering Sox team. Congrats to the White Sox on being the second Sox team in two years to sweep the World Series.

And the guy I'm happiest for? Only one of the greatest catchers to ever play the game, the man who wore both red AND white sox, the man who hit one of the single greatest homeruns of all time...

Pudge himself. Mr. Carlton Fisk.




2 curses broken in two years. Next year:

Let's go Cubs!

mourner's kaddish

As we hit some somber milestones in Iraq, I'd like to take a moment to remember the fallen, the brothers and sisters I've lost, and ALL those who have lost their lives in war.

Yit-gadal v'yit-kadash sh'mey raba, b'alma di v'ra hirutey, vyam-lih mal-hutey b'ha-yey-hon uv'yomey-hon uv'ha-yey d'hol beyt yisrael ba-agala u-vizman kariv, v'imru amen.

(Congregation and Mourners:)
Y'hey sh'mey raba m'varah l'alam ul'almey alma-ya.

(Mourners:)
Yit-barah v'yish-tabah v'yit-pa-ar v'yit-romam v'yit-na-sey v'yit-hadar v'yit-aleh v'yit-halal sh'mey d'kud-sha, b'rih hu, leyla* min kol bir-hata v'shi-rata tush-b'hata v'ne-hemata da-amiran b'alma, v imru amen.

Y'hey sh'lama raba min sh'ma-ya, v'ha-yim aleynu v'al kol yisrael, vimru amen.

Oseh shalom bim-romav, hu ya-aseh shalom aleynu v'al kol yisrael, v'imru amen.

drilled

Spent the past weekend outside, in the rain and bitter cold, carrying a heavy ruck and firing my M-16, crawling around in the dirt and mud, driving around in Humvees. I got back Sunday night, tired, dirty, and sore.

Jealous much?

On the plus side, I got pampered with a long, hot bubble bath upon my return. So it works out to about even, I'd say.

Ess oh see, kay ess?

Nevermind why.

But if it's 1:30 AM and you're in New York City, you can swing into any 24-hour CVS or Duane Reade or Rite-Aid and get yourself a snack, a toothbrush, some Q-Tips, eyeliner, deodorant, a coloring book, a Hallmark card for mom ... you can even get yourself some Haines boxer briefs.

Know what you can't get if you're fella?

Socks.

Normal, average, everyday, cheap white socks. They don't got 'em. Oh, they have plenty o' sox for the ladies: cotton socks, knee socks, toe socks, bobby socks, stockings, nylons...whatever. All for the ladies. But for the dudes? Nothing. No socks for the guys.

What the - ?!

Maybe it's 2 in the morning and I need a cheap pair of clean socks. What's wrong with that? People need socks. Guys need socks. And I can't get 'em. Why? Y. Because I have a y chromosome. That's why.

Equal rights, that's all I'm asking. Don't we, as men, deserve to purchase inexpensive socks at one in the morning, too? Is that too much to ask?

...cuz I ain't wearin' no ladies' socks, no way, no how.

How the death of a comedian always brings us back to Watchmen

I was saddened by the recent suicide of ex-SNL cast member Charles Rocket...

my condolences to his friends and family.

His death actually got Ross and I talking about that era of comedy and the ill-fated and somewhat unfairly mocked cast for Saturday Night Live, circa 1980-1985. Following the original Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time Players was no easy task and the mismanaged and disjointed production of the early 80s SNL had the misfortune of going through its evolution and growing pains live, on-air. Not to mention the petty backstage politics that I'm sure were involved ...

And Rocket seems to personify everything that went wrong during that time. I always thought it was unfair that Rocket's one claim to fame - uttering the word "fuck" on live television - cost him the rest of his career, basically. In truth, he did the one thing that everyone had been waiting for since the beginning of SNL - he proved the dangerous truth of live, late-night comedy and uttered the magic four-letter word that strikes fear into the hearts of middle America. For the briefest of moments, Rocket made SNL as dangerous, as edgy as it always promised it could be. But, as comics all know, timing is everything, so Charles Rocket was punished for the sins of the 1980 season.

And 25 years later, he took his life ("as lovers often do") before VH1 could cram him into a house with Al Molinaro and Spuds MacKenzie*.

*doG rest her soul, as well.

So, as an aspiring comic, I think it's important to pay respect to Charles Rocket ...

...by paraphrasing the end of an uber-geeky conversation with Ross, following news of Rocket's death. No, I'm not proud. But death be not proud, either.

Ross: ...my only question is, who's next.

Me: You mean, you think someone's killing off SNL cast members from the early 80s?

Ross: Like a serial killer.

Me: Like Watchmen.

Ross: So, we've just made Charles Rocket the Comedian?

Me: Yeah.

Ross: You know that makes Tim Kazurinsky Rorschach.

Me: Then Eddie Murphy would have to be Dr. Manhattan. Piscopo?

Ross: Night Owl?

Me: Brian-Doyle Murray would have to be Hollis, then. What about Denny Dillon, Mary Gross, or Robin Duke? Silk Spectre?

Ross: Dude, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is Silk Spectre [II].

Me: Obviously. And Brad Hall...hm, but they came later. Like '82, the Gary Kroeger years.

Ross: Doesn't matter.

Me: What if Brad Hall was really the force behind that era of SNL?

Ross: No, he was really behind Seinfeld.

Me: Oh my God. Brad Hall is behind it all.

Ross: SNL?

Me: Brad Hall is Veidt. He did it. It was Brad Hall all along.

Ross: Oh, man. We just made Brad Hall Ozymandias.

(slight pause)

Me: You know that makes Gilbert Gottfried Hooded Justice.

Ross: I think you need to stop there.

Gone In New York Minute

But...but, I just got here!

Olsen twin Mary-Kate returns to LA


She gave living a normal life a shot, but it seems Mary-Kate Olsen is just too Hollywood.

The kookier one of the mega-rich Olsen Twins has gone on a leave of absence from New York University to concentrate on her role as co-president of her mega-billion dollar entertainment company Dualstar.

Meanwhile, identical sister Ashley is staying at the institution.

Mary-Kate has had a rough year, battling rumours of anorexia, cocaine abuse and failed relationships.

Not great attributes for an average college student - but perfect for a Tinseltown big cheese.

Perhaps that's why she is coming back to the West Coast - it is the one place where everyone else has just as many problems as her?

The 19-year-old twins have been in the limelight since they were a year old.

I hope Ashley is able to handle school without her twin sister. Perhaps she needs some consoling...

...on the cover of the Rolling Stone

Well, well, well. Oh, well.

Lookit who got his and herself ranked the number one magazine cover --->

Oh, my. John's a bit nekkid there. The kids love them some naked John Lennon, I guess. Still. Quite the frivolous honor. Love is the answer.

No way, Jose!

I could tell you about the new super secret spy organization, but I'd have to kill you.


Undercover CIA official picked to oversee human spywork


By Katherine Shrader, Associated Press October 14, 2005

WASHINGTON -- A top CIA manager who remains undercover will soon oversee the traditional human spying activities for the entire intelligence community, a position created in the intelligence changes after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

Publicly, he is referred to as ''Jose," said US officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the plan's full details had yet to be released.

Jose's posting as head of the new National Clandestine Service ends weeks of debate over whether the CIA would retain its role as the primary agency responsible for traditional human spywork, as an increasing number of US national security agencies take on this type of work.

He will now broadly coordinate operations for the FBI, Defense Department, and other agencies involved in human intelligence, or the information gathered by people, rather than by technical means.

Jose now serves as the director of the CIA's clandestine service, which handles the agency's human intelligence gathering.

Forming a National Clandestine Service was one of more than 70 recommendations from President Bush's commission on weapons of mass destruction, which released a bruising report in March about the current capabilities of the 15 agencies that make up the US intelligence community.

I just hope the new spy organization gets its own kickass helicarrier!

Repent

A safe and easy fast to all the Jews this Yom Kippur.

The Day of Atonement.

One day blowout sale; all sin is forgiven. Just give us a day, we'll take away your sins! Come on down to schul and pray for forgiveness. If you can't pray, someone'll pray for ya! We're giving repentance away. We're so crazy, we're mishugina!

always next year

And the cosmos rights itself. The universe puts itself back in synch once more, as everything returns to normal. The Red Sox are World Champions no more. It was a fun ride while it lasted. Luckily, after last year's spectacular performance, there's a bit of a grace period.

One year down, eighty-five more to go.

click here to get fired

Via The Reverend Tim McIntire, the best spam ever:

From: R.V.D. Veda Prakash
Date: Oct 4, 2005 6:26 AM
Subject: Hitler Didn't die in Bunkar, I have proof
To: veda...@yahoo.com

Take look at this website I wrote something about Hitler, Hitler Didn't die
in Bunkar, I have proof read Hitler section in this webpage


http://www.swastik.org/kk.htm


By Veda

Thanks, Veda!

Any website that has "swastik" in it has GOT to be good!

And check out Jesus Second Come" (nowhere near as dirty as it sounds) where you can find the answers to such questions as:

Did Jesus was black or white?

On what Symbol based Jesus took the Birth?

What will be the shape of bible I mean old testimony and new testimony? Will be any third testimony?

I myself am an Old Testimony kind of guy, but that's just me.

And yes, there is a special Hitler section. I think it goes without saying that if you are at work, clicking on anything that says "Hitler section" should get you fired.

And don't miss out on this section: Mystery Solution!!!

" This page is for Scientists
Answers for world unsolved mystery's
But I am not good in english"

It might not make any sense at all when you first read it, but just follow the simple instructions and all will be made clear:

Read this section very carefully, if you don't understand this section you won't understand entire web page. Read two times or three times or four times this section only if you don't understand.

Thanks, Tim. I've just blown my entire afternoon reading through the greatest website ever.