These are the jokes - 3rd week of April

• A law protecting library records' confidentiality has prevented police from prosecuting a man who reportedly masturbated among the books because the law prevents the library from turning over surveillance video to the police without a court order. Which is great news for me.

• As part of a 12 item self-improvement list given to Beijing cab drivers in preparation for next year's Olympic games, red hair and big earrings are being banned for women cab drivers. Which comes as a devastating blow to Kathy Griffin’s dream of becoming a Beijing cab driver.

• OK! Magazine this week featured the first pictures of Larry Birkhead with his daughter, Winning Lottery Ticket.