Sunday, January 21, 2007

Stand By Your Jokes

A rather tame week for jokes from me, but as someone once told me, never apologize for your work. So I'm not. These are my jokes and I'm stickin' by 'em.

He said, apologetically...

I'm even giving you four this time, instead of the usual three. Oooooooh....

  • OJ Simpson is saying that the chapter from his unpublished book "If I Did It," in which he hypothesizes on how he would have killed his ex-wife and her friend, was created mostly from a ghostwriter's research and is not a confession. It’s more like a memoir.

  • In an interview on PBS, President Bush commented Tuesday on the Iraqi government's botched hangings of Saddam Hussein and two of his top aides saying, “It just goes to show that this is a government that has still got some maturation to do.” He added, “This doesn’t make the Iraqi government look so great, either.”

  • DEA agents said Tuesday that they have dismantled a Colombian heroin ring by arresting several couriers who stitched packets of drugs into their pants and then took cruise ships to the US. Stitched pants? Cruise ships? Back in my day, we had it tough, shoving heroin-filled balloons up our asses, sneaking across the border in the back of sweltering, cramped trucks, fighting off the militia! Lazy kids…

  • A Manhattan antiques dealer is suing three homeless men and a woman for 1 million dollars for sleeping, drinking and "performing bodily functions" outside his posh Madison Ave. store. He would have sued their pants off, had they been wearing any.