culture shocked?

BEIJING, July 12 -- Italian defender Marco Materazzi has for the first time acknowledged that he "insulted" French player Zinedine Zidane because he was super arrogant in the World Cup final, La Gazzetta dello Sport reported.

"I held his shirt .. for only a few seconds, he turned toward me and scoffed at me, looking at me with super arrogance, up and down: 'if you really want my shirt, you can have it later.' (Zidane said) It's true, I shot back with an insult," Tuesday's paper quoted Materazzi as saying.

Asked whether he had insulted Zidane's sister or mother, Materazzi said, it was an "insult of the kind you will hear dozens of times and that just slips out on the ground."

"I certainly didn't call him a terrorist; I am ignorant, I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is. I certainly did not mention Zidane's mother; for me a mother is sacred.”

　(Source: Shenzhen Daily/Agencies)

For most people, the head-butt heard 'round the world was the decisive moment in France's loss to Italy. Whether Materazzi's provokation of Zidane deserved a head-butt or not...well, I've heard some excuses before, but I think Materazzi's defense has to be - by far - the most bizarre.

"I certainly didn't call him a terrorist; I am ignorant, I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is."

You don't kow what an Islamic terrorist is? Well, I assume someone had to have told you what one is so that you could explain to us that you don't know what one is.

Actually, I like this highly-detailed, dizzying logic.

"Speeding, officer? I could not have been speeding. I am ignorant. I don't even know what a 400-horsepower, aluminum V-8 engine-powered corvette is."

"Murder? Impossible! I don't even know what a double action .38 caliber revolver is!"

"I don't blog. I do not even know what the internets is. And I certainly didn't stalk anyone on MySpace. Definitely never heard of MySpace."

Open Letter

To the shirtless guy running around the West Village last night waving the flag of Italy:

I see that you're very proud of Italy winning the World Cup, as evidenced by your ceaseless heckling of anyone wearing anything vaguely French-looking and your continued boasts of "We kicked your ass! Italy rules!!"

Being that you were roaming the streets of New York City last night - and not the downtown streets of Berlin, Germany - I can only assume that you yourself did not actually play in the championship game. Based on the intensity and personal nature of your comments - you repeatedly referred to the Italian soccer team as "we" and you seemed to take the most innocuous of activities, such as walking on the sidewalk, as an egregious personal insult to you, the Italian soccer team, and indeed, all of Italy itself - I can only surmise that you are close friends with the players or perhaps have even played for the team in the past. In which case, kudos to you on your hard-fought victory, sir!

I must also praise you for your eagle-eyed awareness, as you keenly observed that the guy wearing the blue GAP t-shirt was, indeed, silently mocking you through colorful expression. Your witty jabs at his masculinity and your insightful thoughts on the French culture truly put him in his place. He'll think twice before wearing THAT Frenchie shirt again!

I commend you for your loyalty to the sport and to the good-natured spirit of the game.

Also, I felt my eyes mist up a little as you marched down 6th Avenue, chanting: "Four more years of tears!"

Four more years of tears, indeed, good sir! Well played!

Yours in Pele,

B.

today's brilliant quote

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Another reason why...

...I heart Rocketship:

I show up randomly to pick up some new comic books and I'm treated to free beer and I meet Rosario Dawson.

Rocketship is awesome.

even more thoughts

Evil Robby Reed reviews Superman Returns. It's not pretty. But it is hilarious.

Also, it reminded me of another thing that bugged me about the flick:

They sure did love to beat the crap out of Lois Lane. She gets thrown around a falling jet plane, slammed into walls, tossed around by thugs, and finally has an iron door smack her unconscious. Someone's got unresolved anger issues against women...

Up, up, and...okay

"Sorry I've been away so long. I won't let you down again."


These are the last lines spoken by Superman at the end of Superman II.

And then, according to Bryan Singer, some scientists see remnants of Krypton and Kal-El immediately takes off into space, in search of his long-dead planet.

Ummm....didn't you just say that you wouldn't...ah, nevermind. Already, I can see the major holes in the plot for Superman Returns.

It looks gorgeous. But in the end, it was kind of a hollow movie. A beautiful love letter to the original movies with some nice spins...but there was no sense of closure, no new thrills.

Superman Returns is all homage and set-up without any real pay-off.

I wanted to like it more. I really enjoyed a lot of it, I thought the sets and special effects were fantastic, loved the cast...but the last 1/2 hour just really disappointed me.

And the central question of the movie - "does the world need Superman?" - was never actually answered!!

I'm just gonna bullet-point the highs and lows here.

Of course there are SPOILERS below!!!

First, the positive:

* The comforting embrace of nostalgia. Singer really creates a unifying sense of Superman's fim world. From the opening credits to the John Williams music to Brando's voice, this movie really explores and expands upon Donner's original vision and beautifully captures the majesty and epic scope of those first two films. And there's just something about those perfect notes and those triumphant horns....


* Singer truly created a unique Metropolis, with its own character and charm. In the movies, Metropolis was really just New York. Superman would often fly over the Statue of Liberty and the major battle of Superman II takes place, essentially, in Times Square. But here, Singer very subtley makes his mark on the franchise, giving us a Metropolis that's its own major metropolitan city. The Daily Planet building is straight out of the comic book, with it's giant globe piercing the Metropolis skyline. The bustling streets and the skyline have their own distinct traits. Singer keeps it in sync with the originals, but he develops it more. Sure, there's the Empire State Building along the skyline, but he also incorporates bridges and buildings that look like they could only belong to one place: Metropolis. Also, cute background mention of Gotham City in a tv news report. Always nice when they throw the geeks a bone.

* Noel Neil as the old dying lady, Gertrude, at the beginning. Excellent.

* Jack Larson as the bartender. Very classy. At one point, there's a shot of him and Jimmy together...I just thought that was sweet. One of the better movie cameos. Plus, I liked this Jimmy Olsen. There was a real sense of friendship and warmth between Jimmy and Clark. Very nice.

* Kevin Spacey. His Lex Luthor is a nice evolution of Hackman's original. A little more menacing, a little more hardened, but with that same sardonic glee and wicked humor.

* I have to give credit to young Brandon Routh. He made me believe that I can believe someone else can play Superman.

* The special effects were superb. And some beautiful shots of Superman lifting heavy things or blasting them with heat vision or cooling things off with cold breath...nice use of his powers and an excellent job all around. Super.

* The movie itself looked spectacular and it just exuded a tremendous love - love of this project, of the previous films, of the characters. A respectful and thoughtful tribute to what's come before.

*Nice nod to Action Comics #1, loved the Aquaman jammies, and all the other nice little flourishes. For the fanboys.

* The last shot was a nice touch.

The not so positive...

* The big climax is that Superman fights a giant slab of earth? Okay, it was cool that he's picking up a giant slab of the earth...but...the movie then goes on for another 1/2 an hour. I mean, the plane scene was the most action-packed, and that happened in the first third of the movie. When does he hit stuff?

* They made Superman so status quo. He just does his thing. Why does the world need Superman? Because he's there. I was waiting for Lois to sum up why the world DOES need a Superman. Or for Superman to inspire people. In Superman II, when the crowd thinks the evil Kryptonians have killed the Man of Steel, they are inspired to fight back in his honor. When Superman lay dying in a hosptial (don't get me started on THAT), where were the acts of heroism inspired by the Last Son of Krypton? Where was the impact he has on people shown? Yeah, they wanted him to get better, but...why couldn't we see how Superman inspired people to be better, to do better, to make the world better?

* He was kind of selfish. I mean, Superman II was all about the repurcussions of him acting in his own self-interest. And then, apparently, he didn't learn his lesson at all...

* The kid's his. From when he slept with Lois in Superman II. Okay. Fine. But let's look at the problems, starting with the two reasons why the kid couldn't have super powers.

1. Kal-El sleeps with Lois after he gives up his powers, when he's simply a mortal man.

2. "...the lights were on out here, while he was safe...in there..." Even if his Kryptonian DNA were passed on, when Superman reverses the molecule chamber stripping the evil Kryptonians of their powers, Lois was also outside. Carrying their child, apparently. Who would have been exposed to the rays and thereby made mortal. So, there ya go.

Also, the first time he uses his powers, the kid kills a guy. Great. And it happens half way through the movie. We get the big revelation and then...that's it. If you're gonna do that, tease it a little more. Make the ending have a little more impact. Instead, the last 1/2 hour just tells us what we already know. Because you already TOLD us.

Other problems with the kid, and here's the big one:

LOIS HAS NO IDEA SHE EVER SLEPT WITH SUPERMAN! HE ERASED HER MEMORY WITH A KISS TO RELIEVE HER OF THE BURDEN OF HAVING TO SHARE HIS SECRET. So, if she got pregnant, she wouldn't know it was his. Basically, she'd just wake up pregnant one day. Aaaaaand, if Superman left, and Richard White could possibly be the dad (so she says)...she sure did get over him pretty damn fast. She would have had to sleep with him within days of Superman's disappearance (unless Superman took off for space, like, immediately after saying he would never leave again - like, THAT DAY - and if so, then he's really a dick) AND she would have to be pretty careless with the whole safe sex thing.

AND Superman never really tells her that "yeah, it could be mine, because we slept together but then I made you forget everything with my super kiss" ... WHICH MAKES THE WHOLE THING EXTRA CREEPY.

* um, the story? Where was it?

* I guess I expected a little more chemistry between Brandon and Kate.

* The script? It's overly sentimental with a lot of heavy-handed symbolism and an almost slavish devotion to the originals. Hey, I loved the first two movies. But I've seen them. I didn't need to hear all the best lines over again. And all the best lines in THIS movie were just rehashed lines from the original! I was hoping for some new material, not a poor man's imitation of the first movie...I didn't want to see Superman Redux. The script is, in the words of General Zod, "Scruffy. So morbid. A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished."

* The criminals were never brought to justice. I never saw Superman get back at those thugs for kicking the crap out of him. Kumar and crew just get crushed by rock. Randomly. Superman never even goes after Luthor to bring him to justice?! What?! Lex and Parker Posey stranded on a desert island? How is that justice? Poetic justice, fine. But Superman's whole schtick is fighting for "Truth, JUSTICE, and the American Way." He fights for JUSTICE! He wouldn't leave it up to irony to punish Lex. I would have been fine with that scene if Lex turned around and Superman was just hovering there. "Looks like you made a bad real estate investment, Luthor." Something. HE NEVER PUNISHES LEX LUTHOR!!! No closure. And no justice.

* The Daily Planet staff is really stupid. "Hi, Clark. Haven't seen you in years. Welcome ba- Oh! Superman's back on the same day! I'm sure there's no correlation!" Sloppy.

* The whole Jesus thing? I got it. But his whole line about "every day I hear them calling out" for a savior? Eh. There's more to it than that. He's a beacon, a light to lead the way...he's not supposed to be THE WAY. Dig?

* Um, as soon as Clark hears about Lex Luthor being out of jail, wouldn't he maybe, um, try to track him down?

* The end was just a let-down. There was no "F*@% YEAH!" moment. In Superman and in Superman II, we were treated to several "F*@% YEAH" moments. Superman II alone has enough "F*@% YEAH" moments for its own movie. "General, care to step outside?" Superman kneeling before Zod, then crushing his hand and lifting him over his head as the music swells. Going back to the diner for some payback. "Oh, I've been...working out." This movie had none of that. It definitely would have benefited from a little more "ooomph" in the ending. And really, its lackluster ending made me walk out of the theater feeling kind of let down instead of jazzed up.

In conclusion: it's disappointing. There's a lot of great things in it, but it never really comes together to make it a great movie. And after seeing it, it just made me want to watch the first two movies even more. So, maybe that's the power of this movie: to make you feel really excited about seeing the old Superman movies again.

But it did look cool.

I don't normally agree with the NY Post...

Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks Kenny Boy is sipping margaritas on a tropical island somewhere off the coast.

Saw it.

Will post my thoughts.


But I have to wait until Ross sees it before I can discuss it.

Monday.

I mean, really. I can't go spoiling things for my number one reader and the Arbiter of All Things True.

That would certainly be very un-Superman-like.

The Return

I hope the new movie is good.
Today, I'll be thinking of the guy who first made me believe that a man could fly.

just the messenger

I believe the Tank will be hosting the last of the Laughing Liberally Labs for a while, so here's a little something from the promotion department:

After touring LA, Vegas & Boston,
LAUGHING LIBERALLY returns to NYC.

Join us for ONE NIGHT of Laughter from the Left. Smart, savvy and surprising, these comedians give "blue humor" a whole new meaning.

LAUGHING LIBERALLY
Wed, June 28th - 8:30 & 10pm
The Tank - 279 Church St, btw Franklin & White
Tix: $5-$10, as you wish
www.LaughingLiberally.com

They packed the house on Broadway at Town Hall.

In LA, they brought 1,000 people to their feet.

In Vegas, they entertained Howard Dean, Barbara Boxer, Harry Reid, Joe Wilson, & the YearlyKos blogger convention.

In Boston, they packed the house at the home theater of famed Jimmy Tingle.

Now, the comedians of Laughing Liberally return.
Come welcome them home.

Featuring -

8:30pm: Dean Obiedallah, Negin Farsad,
Harry Terjanian & Lee Camp

10:00pm: Baratunde Thurston, Benari Poulten,
Rob Driemeyer, Roger Weaver & David Hodorowski

soft news day

It's just funny when they're *such* stereotypical caricatures of themselves.

Yeah, sure this is kind of an impotent jab at the bombastic and holier-than-thou Rush, but screw 'im. Live by the sword, die by the sword. Er...yeah.

Rush Limbaugh could see a deal with prosecutors in a long-running prescription fraud case collapse after authorities found a bottle of Viagra in his bag at Palm Beach International Airport. The prescription was not in his name.

Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at the airport after returning from a vacation in the Dominican Republic. Customs officials found the Viagra in his luggage but his name was not on the prescription, said Paul Miller, a spokesman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.

Miller said the alleged violation could be a second-degree misdemeanor. The sheriff's office was investigating and will soon turn the case over to the state attorney's office, which had no immediate comment Tuesday.

Under the deal reached last month with prosecutors, Limbaugh was not to be arrested for any infraction for 18 months in exchange for authorities deferring a charge of "doctor shopping." Prosecutors had alleged the conservative talk-show host illegally deceived multiple physicians to receive overlapping painkiller prescriptions.

friendly neighborhood

Spider-Man 3 filmed in my neighborhood this past weekend.

Which is awesome...unless you drove in late last night and had to find a parking spot.

brilliant quote o' the day

"You're gonna need a bigger boat."

-Martin Brody
(Roy Scheider)

Jaws

written by Peter Benchley (novel & screenplay) and Carl Gottlieb (screenplay)

Directed by little Stevie Spielberg

character building

One thing I'm learning right now is that when writing scripts, it's essential to create interesting, vibrant characters. Not for all the obvious reasons, but because you - as the writer - are forced to spend a lot of time with these characters. They better be people you enjoy spending time with!

"You talk like a comic book, man."

Matt Fraction is having fun writing comic books, and Casanova proves it.

From the above quote - itself a riff on funky karate master Jim Kelly's badass retort to the evil crimelord Han in Enter the Dragon - to the trippy locales, twisted plot, whacked out characters, and drug-fueled insanity, this is what comics should be like. Outrageous, derivative-yet-wholly-original mini works of art. True POP culture junkfood.

Fraction gleefully proclaims his influences - from Jim Steranko to Phil Spector - and takes readers through the outlandish world of super-sleuth Casanova Quinn, a rebellious second-generation spy who's pretty much a degenerate fuck-up.

Fraction sometimes skates a thin line along the cracked ice - perhaps it's getting a little repetitive to see over-the-top analogues to Nick Fury, his agents of SHIELD, and the evil Hordes of HYDRA...Warren Ellis is simultaneously doing the same thing in NEXTWAVE...but, overall, Fraction manages to pull it off. His characters exude a frenetic charm and the story moves at such a break-neck pace that the comic book has a look and feel that's uniquely its own. Like throwing Maker's Mark and a Porterhouse steak in a blender; it might be messy, but it's gonna taste good.

Unafraid to revel in utter madness - and at a buck-ninety-nine - Casanova is a savory slab of juicy, madcap fun. So why haven't you read it yet?!

Dan the Mullet Guy

So, for those who have not seen this, here's some rare footage of Florida comic Dan Whitney from waaaay back in the 80s (presumably), long before he adopted his Sith name, Larry the Cable Guy.

At that time, he apparently modeled his look after Paula Poundstone.

back in the saddle

Aaaaaannnd, we're back.


When we performed the Geek Council, I always regretted that we never really discussed Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins.

From the minds of novelists Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir, screenwriter Christopher Wood, and director Guy Hamilton.

Fred Ward as a thought-to-be-dead-NYC-cop-turned-super-secret-assassin-
tough-guy-martial-arts-bad-ass! Joel Grey as his Asian-Yoda-like-mentor! Wilford Brimley as the head of a shadow-ring of assassins! Wilford Quakin' Brimley, people!!

It even has future-Trekkie Kate Mulgrew...

...and Marv Albert's voice, before we found out he likes to bite chicks. YES!


Oh, the heights of geekdom we could have climbed, picking apart this geektacular spectacle of 80's brilliance.

I mean, when sketchy-black-dude-working-for-Wilford-Brimley Conn MacCleary dubs him "Remo Williams," he takes his inspiration from a bed pan. "A lot of thought went into it," he whispers smoothly, like a refreshing gulp of Colt 45.

Magnificent.

Remember when the Statue of Liberty was undergoing reconstruction and was encased in scaffolding? Forget David Copperfield making it disappear, this movie truly immortalizes that moment in history with a battle royale on Liberty Island...

Seriously, it's weird that Remo Williams never really achieved the cult status of 1984's The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension...I'm sure it was seen as some sort of knock-off flick. But the two are beautifully deranged in far different ways, each revelling in the awesome absurdity of geekiness.

"You're going to be the Eleventh Commandment: 'Thou shalt not get away with it.'"

-Conn MacCleary
(J. A. Preston)

Big Time

From the Boston Globe:

COMEDY NOTES
Stage gives him a place to express himself politically
By Nick A. Zaino III, Globe Correspondent
June 16, 2006

Political comedy and social satire require a bit of a risk for a comedian. Any time a performer exposes a point of view or a personal experience , there's a chance the audience might not agree or identify.

For one of the comics on the bill for Laughing Liberally, playing Jimmy Tingle's Off Broadway theater this weekend and next, the show is about finding a comfortable place to be himself.

Chelmsford native Benari Poulten, 28, is an Army reservist, the third generation in his family to serve in the military. He was stationed at Guantanamo Bay for a year, from 2002 to 2003. So when he criticizes his boss in his stand-up, there's a little more at stake than for your average working stiff.

``It puts me in a very difficult position, because sometimes as much as I'd like to really say something, I don't want to get sent back to Guantanamo," he says, laughing.

Politics are in Poulten's blood. He says his father, a 30-year veteran reservist, is a ``yellow dog Democrat," and some of Poulten's earliest memories include watching Walter Mondale lose in the 1984 presidential election.

Poulten left Boston and a gig as an aide to Democratic Representative Marty Meehan 2 1/2 years ago and went to New York and started getting serious about stand-up. Naturally, he turned to politics for material. It's a chance for him to vent -- albeit carefully.

``In the Army, you have to be a little more diplomatic about what you say," he says. ``The stage really became a great outlet for me to really talk about these conflicting feelings and what's going on."

Laughing Liberally started in New York two years ago at a small black box theater called the Tank and moved on to New York's 1,500-seat Town Hall venue earlier this year.

Organizer Justin Krebs says the show is meant to have a political impact and develop the next generation of satirists. And that's a task he won't entrust to comedy clubs, citing what he believes is a dearth of political stand-up beyond stars Al Franken, Janeane Garofalo , Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert.

``You have this top level of smart, thoughtful political humor, but you don't have that much of a farm team below them," he says.

Last month's Town Hall gig was a boost for Poulten.

``That's the biggest venue I've ever played, and it was probably one of the best sets I've ever had," he says. ``They were a really fantastic crowd."

Laughing Liberally plays Jimmy Tingle’s Off Broadway tonight, tomorrow,

and next Thursday-Saturday. Visit www.jtoffbroadway.com or call 617-591-1616.

opsec

Don't worry, faithful reader (I know there's one o' you out there) - I ain't dead. Just serving Uncle Sam these past two weeks.

The fact that I've been on active military duty when Al-Zarqawi was reported killed by US and coalition forces is, of course, pure coincidence.


I don't want to say what I'll be up to this weekend, but if you happen to be in the Boston area this Friday or Saturday night, you might wanna swing by Jimmy Tingle's Off-Broadway Theater in Davis Square.

You didn't hear it from me.

Out here.

Xs and Os

Geek Council Thursday, in memoriam!

Saw X-Men: The Last Stand yesterday and...

eh. *SPOILER WARNING*

If you've seen it, read on. If not...well, as Prof. Xavier hissed, "I warned you."


Unlike many other geeks, I am not disgusted with the departure from the source material, nor do I care if they wear costumes with masks or not. I care about consistency, characters and their relationships, logic (within the world of the movie), some kick-ass sfx and action sequences, and good writing.

X-Men: The Last Stand did have some spectacular action sequences. And there were some nice character moments. Juggernaut was fun entertainment. And Sir Ian McKellen's Magneto is sublime, as always. In fact, he's even more villainous and cold-hearted than ever.

But. It was a flimsy movie. Good for some 'splosions, some cute scenes and cool shots, but nowhere near reaching its full potential. It tries to do too much and cram too many things into an hour and forty-five minutes. And in doing so, it fails to do much of anything.

Had they just stuck to ONE conflict (Magneto's brotherhood, the mutant cure, Phoenix...), they would have had more than enough for a compelling movie. Instead, the film makers try "a little bit of this" and "a little bit of that" and come up with a bland and tepid crock o' mutants.

And I don't blame Brett Ratner, who I think actually did a nice job. No, I blame the writers. From start to finish, it was just lazy writing, a paint-by-numbers and hack-it-out script, moving from action point A to action point B, insert movie star mugging scene here, some sort of muddled goals, throw the geeks a few bones (Hi, Moira MacTaggart!), and wrap it up in an adamantium bow. I'm sure this script had more hands in it than Nicole Richie, but there's no excuse for such poor dialogue and wasted opportunities on this high-profile a franchise movie.

It was an entertaining diversion when it could have been a thrilling, multi-layered and complex blockbuster.

The most egregious sin was their treatment of Scott Summers. Now, the last two movies have certainly given him short shrift, turning him into little more than a whiny dick...but his treatment in this movie? An unceremonious death within the first 15 minutes?! And the characters barely even care? WTF?! Just proves how inconsequential Cyclops has been to these movies that he could be so callously discarded, with nary a blip on the mutants' radar.

Surely, the first X-Man deserves better.

Even worse, he was and is Jean's anchor, one third of the volatile Logan-Jean-Scott love triangle. At the heart of the Dark Phoenix Saga, is their love story. Scott's unbreakable will and his willingness to stand by Jean, even in the face of complete destruction. To eradicate that dramatic tension is inexcusable. It reveals that the writers did not know how to write his character and had no idea what to do with him in this movie, so they killed him off.

I don't care that they didn't stick religiously to the original comic books. But they didn't even stick to the themes, ignoring the very things that made the stories resonate so powerfully in the first place.

I think of the final scene between Logan and Jean, when he finally tells her he loves her and then pops his claws, killing her. Imagine how much more powerful the ending would have been if the struggle was between Scott trying to do everything in his power to save Jean and keep her alive...and Wolverine, forced to do the only thing he knows will set her free. Imagine if it came down to Scott and Logan - both in love with Jean - having to choose. Scott, ultimately, could not kill her out of his passionate love for her but Logan...struggling with his own rage, knowing what it's like to lose control, can and does kill her. Because of his passionate love for her. Now, THAT'S a love triangle. And both of those characters would have to bear the burden. Scott, for not being able to let her go and Logan, for being able to do the one thing he's best at.

Was it a fun movie? I enjoyed good chunks of it. But like the zombie-Jean Grey/Phoenix of the movie, it was hollow; all joy, passion, anger, and rage. It could have used a little more substance and heart to give this pretty shell a soul.