Thursday, August 28, 2008

Hey Jews, don't make it bad...

So. This story:

Good for the Jews? Or bad for the Jews?

Paul McCartney gig revives Israeli Beatles tale

08/27/2008 1:00 PM, AP

An upcoming concert by Paul McCartney has revived memories of the 1960s, when an Israeli official supposedly called off a Beatles concert for fear it would corrupt the nation's youth.

The episode is often fondly quoted as a relic of a long-lost Israel where the public's innocence needed protecting.

Trouble is, the story might not be true: With Israelis in a tizzy about McCartney's arrival, the official's son is taking the opportunity to try to clear his father's name, calling the tale a "Zionist urban legend."

So pervasive is the story of the concert's cancellation 43 years ago that this year Israel's ambassador in London wrote a letter expressing regret over the matter to surviving members of the band. He told them the country would like to make it up to them: come play during this year's celebrations marking Israel's 60th anniversary.

"Israel missed a chance to learn from the most influential musicians of the decade, and the Beatles missed an opportunity to reach out to one of the most passionate audiences in the world," Ambassador Ron Prosor wrote.

On Wednesday, McCartney confirmed the Sept. 25 concert in Tel Aviv, which had been rumored for days.

In a news release, McCartney acknowledged the brouhaha, saying he is finally coming "43 years after being banned by the Israeli government." He promised to give Israelis "the night they have been waiting decades for."

Even before McCartney announced the show, tickets went on sale at prices ranging from $140 to $430.

The Israeli official blamed for canceling the 1965 concert was Yaakov Sarid, a stern-faced man in horn-rimmed glasses who was the Education Ministry's director.

He is remembered today — to the extent that he is remembered at all — mainly for his alleged role in denying Israeli youth their chance to faint and scream at the Fab Four. Also implicated is David Ben-Gurion, Israel's founding father and prime minister at the time.

Sarid, who died in 1976, was the father of Yossi Sarid, for years an outspoken member of Israel's parliament and currently a newspaper columnist.

The younger Sarid, now 67, claims his father had nothing to do with the decision. He wrote a column — only partially tongue in cheek — for the daily Haaretz this week to call the story "a Zionist urban legend." He has tried to make the point in the past, he said, but the story has become too firmly ensconced to budge.

The real story, Sarid said, involved a more mundane feud between two Israeli concert promoters.

The competition was so bitter that when one of them, Yaakov Uri, was about to bring the Beatles to the Jewish state, the other, Giora Godik, used his official connections to torpedo the government approval his rival needed to get the foreign currency to pay for the gig. Sarid said his father was not involved.

This version of events is supported by Israel's pre-eminent pop music critic and historian, Yoav Kutner, who recounted the details in Haaretz on Monday. "It never happened that way," Kutner said of the oft-told story.

Sarid said his father had never heard of the Beatles — his artistic tastes leaned more toward European Jewish liturgical music — and that Ben-Gurion probably hadn't either.

The false version of events only emerged after his father's death, or "after my father was unable to listen to the Beatles," in Sarid's words.

Sarid said the story was first written in a journalist's anthology about Israeli history and gained traction because of Sarid's own political career. Sarid the son was one of the most liberal members of parliament and an outspoken critic of government censorship, which gave the story the necessary ironic punch.

The story has lived on because — accurate or not — it accurately reflected the times. The 1960s was the heyday of Israel's socialist ideology, which sanctified sacrifice and scorned materialism and Western frivolities. Officially, earnest Hebrew paeans to the beauty of the Land of Israel and to the military were in. "Love Me Do" was out.

Though Sarid wants the record set straight and his father's name cleared, he also finds the story amusing and realizes it has taken on a life of its own.

"It's a nice story, in this case much nicer than the truth," he said.

Friday, August 15, 2008

"I DON'T HAVE 25 CENTS!"

I think we've all had one of these mornings...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

STM Newsbreak

From JULY 28th.

Start at the 2:00 mark. The guy doing the McCain "voice in the head" sounds awfully familiar....

Things that made ME happy in DC last week...

  • Tagging along with some friends for the DC ComedyFest and ending up as part of the festival, hosting what turned out to be two fantastic shows.


  • Getting to host TWO sold-out shows for the hilarious Lizz Winstead, featuring the very funny and talented Sean Crespo. Don't mean to brag, but she co-created the Daily Show. Okay. Maybe I meant to brag a little.


  • The Arlington Drafthouse is AWESOME. If you are in the Arlington, VA/DC area: GO THERE.
  • Partying and performing with many awesome comics. And even the not-so-awesome ones. You know who you are.
  • Drinking wine with some FOLKS WHO HELP RUN THE MEDIA (note: surprisingly, NOT the Jews...)
  • Getting into a political argument with Greta Van Susteren's husband. Seriously.
  • Realizing that the while our GPS almost killed us that one time ("Turn right here...down this one way road...into oncoming traffic..."), we would have been absolutely lost without it.
  • Side bar: when you have the GPS set to British, it calls Dr (Drive) "Doctor" and St (Street) "Saint." Also, DC has letter streets (A, B, C, D...etc.). So, if it were E, N, S, or W, the GPS would refer to it as "East" or "North" or "South" or West." So, we would get directions like: "Turn right on Vermont Doctor Northwest, then turn left on East Saint." That's a hell of a glitch. Of course, Dr. East Saint Northwest would make an awesome Bond villain, yes? "Doctor Northwest, I presume. What have you done with the girl, South Saint Southwest?"
  • The FDR Memorial. Gorgeous. Inspiring. Dare I say...monumental? I dare.
  • Meeting Scipio in person, finding out that he really DOES know what's best for DC Comics, AND getting to see Big Monkey Comics in real FULL COLOR life! Next time...we will definitely make dinner plans ahead of time. If you're in DC and you find yourself walking up 14th, near S St., and you see a sign that reads BIG MONKEY COMICS, go in and say hi! And buy Showcase trades! Online, even! Give them money.


Friday, August 08, 2008

in Washington D.C. tonight?

Because that's where I will be. I'm doing a last-minute-scheduled set as part of the DC Comedy Festival, hence the short notice.

I'll be doing a 10 minute guest set on the Lizz Winstead Show.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 8, 2008, 7:30PM, Arlington Cinema & Drafthouse, $22

Friday, July 11, 2008

Heckled by my mom

ME
...And Lizz is doing a weekend at Comix. She asked me to feature.

MOM
That's great! So, you're going to write some new material.

ME
...

Sunday, July 06, 2008

"Do It For Peace"

I wish I had been alive in 1969 AND thought to do this...

...and then put this beautiful little film together. Amazing how simple and consistent Lennon's message was / is / continues to be.

Whatever you do, do it for peace.




About the film:

In 1969, a 14-year-old Beatle fanatic named Jerry Levitan, armed with a reel-to-reel tape deck, snuck into John Lennon's hotel room in Toronto and convinced John to do an interview about peace. 38 years later, Jerry has produced a film about it. Using the original interview recording as the soundtrack, director Josh Raskin has woven a visual narrative which tenderly romances Lennon's every word in a cascading flood of multipronged animation. Raskin marries the terrifyingly genius pen work of James Braithwaite with masterful digital illustration by Alex Kurina, resulting in a spell-binding vessel for Lennon's boundless wit, and timeless message.



One small note. That intrepid kid with the reel-to-reel didn't meet the Walrus.

We all know: "...the Walrus was Paul..."

Friday, July 04, 2008

The American Dream (in comic book form)






From Captain America #250 by Roger Stern, John Byrne, & Joe Rubinstein. Marvel, 1980.

The American Dream (in Barack Obama form)


"It is up to us, then, to teach them. It is up to us to teach them that even though we have faced great challenges and made our share of mistakes, we have always been able to come together and make this nation stronger, and more prosperous, and more united, and more just. It is up to us to teach them that America has been a force for good in the world, and that other nations and other people have looked to us as the last, best hope of Earth. It is up to us to teach them that it is good to give back to one's community; that it is honorable to serve in the military; that it is vital to participate in our democracy and make our voices heard.

And it is up to us to teach our children a lesson that those of us in politics too often forget: that patriotism involves not only defending this country against external threat, but also working constantly to make America a better place for future generations.

In the end, it may be this quality that best describes patriotism in my mind – not just a love of America in the abstract, but a very particular love for, and faith in, the American people.

That is why our heart swells with pride at the sight of our flag; why we shed a tear as the lonely notes of Taps sound. For we know that the greatness of this country – its victories in war, its enormous wealth, its scientific and cultural achievements – all result from the energy and imagination of the American people; their toil, drive, struggle, restlessness, humor and quiet heroism.

That is the liberty we defend – the liberty of each of us to pursue our own dreams. That is the equality we seek – not an equality of results, but the chance of every single one of us to make it if we try. That is the community we strive to build – one in which we trust in this sometimes messy democracy of ours, one in which we continue to insist that there is nothing we cannot do when we put our mind to it, one in which we see ourselves as part of a larger story, our own fates wrapped up in the fates of those who share allegiance to America's happy and singular creed.

Thank you, God Bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America."


-Barack Obama, Independence, MO, June 30th, 2008

Read the full speech here.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

dumb people have the vote, too

Newsweek says that this election will be decided by this year's "IT" demographic: LOW INFO VOTERS.

Back in the day, we just called them STUPID PEOPLE.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

good to be bad

It's official. Being a dick gets you laid.

NICE guys knew it, now two studies have confirmed it: bad boys get the most girls. The finding may help explain why a nasty suite of antisocial personality traits known as the "dark triad" persists in the human population, despite their potentially grave cultural costs.

The traits are the self-obsession of narcissism; the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behaviour of psychopaths; and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism.


Thanks, Science. Even worse, there's nothing we can do about it, since procreating is in their very nature.

But being just slightly evil could have an upside: a prolific sex life, says Peter Jonason at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces. "We have some evidence that the three traits are really the same thing and may represent a successful evolutionary strategy."


In short: Assholes are more likely to breed, thus ensuring the survival of their species.

So if you feel like you're surrounded by assholes, you are.
It's only natural.

Monday, June 23, 2008

So long, Class Clown

There are only seven words that could possibly express my feelings about the death of George Carlin.

Naturally.



And some thoughts on death by the man himself.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

STM Newsbreak - from last week

Here are some jokes that I wrote and/or helped write from last week's show.

I'm particularly proud of the last bit, based on this story:

Obama and Lieberman greeted each on the Senate floor in the Well as they were voting on the budget resolution.

They shook hands. But Obama didn’t let go, leading Lieberman - cordially - by the hand across the room into a corner on the Democratic side, where Democratic sources tell ABC News he delivered some tough words for the junior senator from Connecticut, who had just minutes before hammered Obama's speech before the pro-Israel group AIPAC in a conference call arranged by the McCain campaign...

The two spoke intensely for approximately five minutes, with no one able to hear their conversation. Reporters watched as Obama leaned closely in to Lieberman, whose back was literally up against the wall.


Enjoy.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Update from an Undisclosed Location

I meant to post this week, but it's that time of the year for me. I'm on Army time - what used to be called Annual Training, or AT. I'm told it is now called ECT - Extended Combat Training.

I used to drill one weekend a month. Now I attend Battle Assembly.

Just two of the many little changes to the Army Reserve that six years of war brings.

Stay tuned as I wax poetic a little more on what it is I actually do in the Army.

Everybody blogs

Well, whaddya know?

My lovely and talented sister, Geordarna, works for an adorable little kitchenware shop called bluecashew.

And thanks to her hard work, you can check out their brand - spankin' - new website by clicking on the above link.

Even better, she's blogging for 'em, too. So go poke around the website and check out the blog, The Dose, at

http://www.bluecashewkitchen.blogspot.com


Oh, yeah - if you check out their products, you might just be reading descriptions written by a certain NY-based comic who also happens to (occasionally) post on this very blog...!

Friday, June 06, 2008

Real Life Conversations That Will One Day Make It Into My Screenplay


HER
Are you kidding? My ass is like the Mohammad Ali of asses!
(pause)
I don't know what that means.

ME
Uh...it floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?


villa.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Harvey Korman. 1927-2008

So long, Harvey.


Harvey Korman, an Emmy-winning comedic actor best known for playing the self-described "luminous second banana" for a decade on television's "The Carol Burnett Show" and for starring in such Mel Brooks films as "Blazing Saddles," has died. He was 81.




I am positive that this is NOT how you would like to be remembered:



Or this:





I hope Tim Conway does the eulogy. If only to see Harvey Korman crack up at his own funeral.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

oh, yeah. I have a blog.

Yeah. SO. Let's just pretend I keep up with this thing.

I cannot wait for this to happen:

A video that purportedly shows a living, breathing space alien will be shown to the news media Friday in Denver.

Jeff Peckman, who is pushing a ballot initiative to create an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission in Denver to prepare the city for close encounters of the alien kind, said the video is authentic and convinced him that aliens exist.


Surely this is emphatic proof that extraterrestrial life exists and it couldn't possibly be a desperate stunt to generate publicity for some kind of documentary.

Peckman said the general public will have to wait to see it because it's being included in a documentary by Stan Romanek.

"No one will be allowed to film the segment with the extraterrestrial because there is an agreement in place limiting that kind of exposure during negotiations for the documentary," he said.


Oh. Still...I am skeptical.

But people won't have to wait too long to see it for themselves.

"There is an open, public meeting in about a month in Colorado Springs," Peckman said. "We'll hope to do one in Denver at some point, and then in a few months, there will be the documentary that anybody can have, and it'll have the footage."

An instructor at the Colorado Film School in Denver scrutinized the video "very carefully" and determined it was authentic, Peckman said.


Some guy in Colorado looked at it and said it was real? That's good enough for me!

So. What's the footage show?

"It shows an extraterrestrial's head popping up outside of a window at night, looking in the window, that's visible through an infrared camera," he said. The alien is about 4 feet tall and can be seen blinking, Peckman said earlier this month.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

not quite appropriate, considering ...



This is one of my favorite sketches we worked on. Yes, it's creepy, but yes, it is rooted in horrifying reality!!

Friday, May 09, 2008

STM Newsbreak



I wrote or helped write all of these...

...and of course, be on the look out for a handsome fella somewhere in the middle of this important News Break.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

SIRIUS-ly (again)

I'll be waxing philosophical and political tonight at 5pm once again on Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 110.

I continue to be big time.

5PM
"The Blog Bunker"
INDIE TALK 110
Sirius Satellite Radio

Tune in, turn on...blah, blah, blah.

Friday, May 02, 2008

He's a cool exec with a heart of steel

So that movie that came out today? Let me review it briefly.

IRON MAN:

Hells Yeah.

Bravo, to all involved.

Oh, and a nice little geek touch, using the 60s Iron Man cartoon theme song as a cellphone ringtone.

Yes. I noticed.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

STM Newsbreak

Who's that handsome fella who shows up in the middle of the Newsbreak?



And yes, the guy wearing the helmet in the background is part of the joke. That's Barry, who is the other guy on Race to the White House with me.

R2tWH - 4.28.08!

Monday, April 28, 2008

It takes Diff'rent Strokes to rule the world...

Dear People Who Run the World,

Please make this stop.

Seriously. Not cool, guys. Not cool.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

A Poor Person


Oil hit a new record near $120 a barrel on Monday, boosted by a string of bullish factors that included big disruptions to Nigeria's output and a UK refinery strike, highlighting anxieties over threats to supply.

Prices retreated from early peaks as the dollar gained versus the euro, reflecting some expectations that the U.S. Federal Reserve may not cut interest rates this week.

U.S. light crude for June delivery was up 37 cents at $118.89 a barrel by 11:34 a.m. EDT, after a record high of $119.93. Prices are up almost 25 percent since the start of the year.

London Brent crude was up 43 cents at $116.77.

"Continued attacks in Nigeria and refinery closures in Scotland ... may see the U.S. target $121-122 a barrel this week, with longer-term charts all pointing to $130 or higher," said Ben Coleman, senior commodities trader at TradIndex.

Crude prices have surged more than fivefold since 2002 as global supplies struggle to keep pace with rising demand in emerging economies, such as China.


On a more serious note, Gary Coleman is getting divorced.

Thank God it will all be televised on Divorce Court.

Poor fella. Nothing good in this life lasts.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

"I am also a cop"

Sean Crespo made a snarky video about the (presumably) awful television show, MOONLIGHT. Watch closely, and you'll see me in the middle of the video, somewhere. About 2 minutes in.
I'm a cop.


WATCH NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE.

Friday, April 25, 2008

I will be on the tee-vee this weekend

If you're as big a fan of me as I am, then you might want to tune your TiVos and/or DVRs to the CNN HEADLINE NEWS NETWORK this Saturday and/or Sunday at 7pm, where I'll make with the snarky comments on things that happened long ago.

Please note, I have no idea what the quality of the commentary or the show will be like. But it's on the tee vee! How can it be bad?

Please check back here for a full breakdown, after it airs.

CNN HEADLINE NEWS * SATURDAY & SUNDAY @ 7pm, 9pm, & Midnight

Thursday, April 24, 2008

They made a doll of Hitler. They made a HITLER DOLL!

Now our failure is complete.

I have mentioned before that my former sketch comedy troupe, thank gladys, was, in many ways, ahead of its time. Like foreseeing a day when we could save the mighty manatee by eating 'em up.

Well, today, a disturbing news story caught my attention. Disturbing to me, not because of the horrifying subject matter - it is deeply disturbing, make no mistake - no, disturbing to me because we thought it up as a joke over ten years ago!!!

The year was 1996. A 'roided up Jose Conseco played for a lackluster Boston Red Sox. Bob Dole, Scourge of the Seven Seas unsuccessfully challenged incumbent Bill Clinton for the presidency of the United States. And Tickle Me Elmo dolls were all the rage.

Being fans of the zeitgeist, Ross and I whipped up a humble little sketch that would become a staple of our repertoire: Tickle Me Hitler. The premise being, an irate customer tries to return a doll to the toy store because he inadvertently bought a Hitler doll. Basically, the sketch starts out thusly:

ME
I'd like to make a return.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Sure. What seems to be the problem?

ME
See, I asked for a Tickle Me Elmo. They gave me Tickle Me Hitler.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
And is something wrong with it?

ME
Well, it's Hitler.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Yes.

ME
And it's a doll.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Yes. It says so right on the box.

ME
It's a doll of Hitler. It's a Hitler doll!!

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
And you don't want it anymore?

ME
I never wanted it! What kind of a sicko wants a Hitler doll?


Well, apparently, Ukrainians do.



Kiev - A Ukrainian manufacturer is preparing to sell dolls of the former German dictator Adolf Hitler in local toy stores, the Zerkalo Tizhden' newspaper reported on Monday.

The 40cm figure will first be available in the capital Kiev, and like the similar-sized Barbie doll wear clothes the owner may change, according to the article.





To be fair, our sketch involved a Hitler doll where if you tickle him once, he says "Hee Hee." If you tickle him twice, he says "Ooooh, zat tickles." And if you tickle him a third time, he says "Sieg Heil." This Ukrainian doll doesn't talk.

BUT IT'S STILL A DOLL OF HITLER!


THEY MADE A HITLER DOLL!!

FOR CHILDREN!!!

And there's video of it. .

Mein Gott in Himmell.

Perhaps one day, I will dig up our old tapes and post some of these sketches online, for historical purposes. Until then...I don't even know anymore.

Humanity never ceases to amaze me. Our society has completely jumped the shark three or four times over.

They made a Hitler doll.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

And by fish, I mean snarky commentary about comic books and pop culture.

So long, Dave's Long Box. It was a good run.

*Please note, I don't actually love Dave. I mean, I don't even really know the guy, I never even met the dude. I just liked his blog, is all. I mean...ahhh. You know what I mean.

Thanks for making the internet a little more fun.

Godspeed, cyber chum!

Monday, April 14, 2008

ends, odds, etc.

TONIGHT!

5:30PM.

Tune in to Channel 110 on Sirius Satellite Radio!

That's where you can hear me discuss things of great import on "The Blog Bunker".

That's Indie Talk 110 on Sirius Satellite Radio, 5:30PM.

Then, at 8PM, head on over to the Green Room Theater, 45 Bleecker St., and catch me in Shoot the Messenger.

End Transmission.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Lowell...ish tonight

I guess I should mention that I'm doing a show tonight at Lenzi's in Dracut, MA tonight.

I'm the worst self-promoter ever. Also, the blogging hasn't been so stellar. Lots of stuff to catch you all up on. Soon. Details below:

Well folks, this is the last year for Leo Dunn, AKA, Larry Starr. To kick off his impending retirement Larry/Leo has graciously offered to host our first annual comedy night fundraiser, "THE LAST HURRAH OF LARRY STARR".

The fundraiser is to benefit the school's Assistance and Activities Fund and to help pay for Seymour, (the wonder school therapy dog). All proceeds will be used for the students and to help pay for the dog. The Activities Fund organizes trips and excursions, entertainment and other activities for the students, supplementing or fully covering the costs. The Assistance Fund helps students who can't afford to pay for their school uniforms or other supplies. The fund also donates Thanksgiving and Christmas food and gifts for students who's families would otherwise not have a holiday. In many cases the fund will give a student an emergency food gift certificate if the family is in a financial crisis. We are also still paying for Seymour, the school assistance dog. He brings joy and comfort to students and staff on a daily basis. This event will be our first big fundraiser. (If we can generate enough money you won't have to dodge Shari hawking raffle tickets anymore!!)

This laugh filled night will be Leo's version of a retirement party, (of course it won't be his only one I hope) and he wants everyone to attend. He has generously donated his time and talent to MC this stellar event. Thank you Leo!

The date is Friday, April 11, 2008. The venue will be Lenzi's Catering and Function Facilities in Dracut. Tickets are $25 and you can buy a reserved table for 12, for $300.
The cash bar will open at 7pm (with table service) and the show will start at 8:30. There will be music before, and dancing after the show, hosted by Greater Lowell's own DJ, Andy Garabedian. Lots of fabulous raffle prizes will be drawn through out the night. It surely will be a memorable and fun evening to benefit some great causes and a fabulous way to say "Hey Leo, thanks for the memories...."

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

R2tWH - 3.24.08!

STM round-up

That little show I work on, Shoot the Messenger, is picking up some buzz, and since that's what is occupying most of my time these days, I figured I'd share.

Here's the website, by the way.

The first part of the show - Wake Up, World - is a satirical swipe at morning shows and their uncanny ability to push corporate interests no matter the circumstances.

The second part is Thinking & Drinking with Lizz, where she sits down for a one-on-one talk with someone in the media.

Susie Essman was Lizz's guest Monday and while she couldn't say for sure, it looks like there might be another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, after all. Also, we learned a LOT more info about Lizz's past personal life. Maybe even too much info...

Here's a little excerpt from the NY PRESS article about it:

While Susie said that Larry has mentioned that Season 6 will most likely be the last, Susie provided fans with a small glimmer of hope, quipping that a gossip column snipe that his estranged wife’s career is getting bigger than his might inspire enough spite for a 7th season. Is that a hint, Susie?

“I really don’t know what’s going to happen, though,” she shrugged.


The show itself is made up of various comics, writers, and techies who - so far - have very freely given of their time and energy. Is it cult-like? I'll leave that for the pundits to decide.

From the NY PRESS:

After the show, I hung out with Lizz in her kitchen as she hovered over a plate of sundry cheeses before reacting to the observation that her charisma has mobilized a team of enthusiastic writers and actors to produce the show as a volunteer, DIY effort. Like if Ian Mackaye actually had a sense of humor.

“Or D. Boon” she quipped before popping a piece of brie into her mouth.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Luck o' the Irish!

If you can read this, you probably haven't been drinking enough. Yet.

Happy Saint Paddy's Day!

In other big news today, New York got it's first Black Governor ... who's also BLIND.

Awesome.

I'm reminded of a Richard Pryor scene form the movie
See No Evil, Hear No Evil.

At the 1:20 mark on the video:

Saturday, March 08, 2008

And some of the reviews are in...

Thanks, for the nice words, Sean!

Shoot the Messenger at 45 Bleecker

If you haven't seen Lizz Winstead's latest creation, then you're missing out. Winstead, who co-created The Daily Show and later went on to Air America Radio, now has her sights set on skewering morning TV. Her Monday night show, Shoot the Messenger, recently moved into larger digs at The Green Room at 45 Bleecker. In the new venue, the set design and everything else feels much more like an actual morning TV program (even if it's not actually six hours, as advertised in the tagline for "Wake Up World with Hope and Davis," TV's only six-hour morning 'infonewsment' show). There are the requisite sofa, chair and coffee table. A separate news desk.

Benari Poulten plays the frat-tastic energetic audience warm-up guy. Baron Vaughn as Davis Miles plays affable co-host to Winstead's ridiculous Hope Jean Paul. Each week typically features a taped interview segment with self-help author, "Life Expert" Dana Levan (Carol Hartsell). A big screen behind the stage plays these pre-taped bits, new toons, and last week offered a well-executed debate between other 24/7 network anchors (played by Lucas Held and Sean Crespo) with Vaughn moderating it live.


Click here for more.

FYI, I also co-wrote and voice (co-voice?) the Race to the White House flash animation he posted.

Monday, March 03, 2008

You can retire from Divinity? Really?

Wow. Early retirement. I bet it has a great benefit plan.

A controversial young Nepali girl worshipped by many Buddhists and Hindus as a Kumari, or "living goddess", has given up her divine position following a request from her family, an official said on Sunday.

The 11-year-old Sajani Shakya was revered for nine years as the Kumari of the ancient temple-town of Bhaktapur, near Kathmandu, in a centuries-old tradition.

"She is no more a Kumari," said Dipak Pandey, a senior official of the state-run Trust Corporation that oversees the cultural affairs in the deeply religious nation.

Pandey said Sajani's family wanted to perform their own religious rituals which required her to give up her divine position and rejoin her family.

Kumaris traditionally retire when they reach the age menstruation.


I don't know what her next job will be, but that girl will have one hell of a resume.

"And what was your last position?"

"I was the Living Goddess, all that is, was, and ever will be."

"..."

Sunday, March 02, 2008

"Things could be better, Lloyd."



Not quite sure what it means that at least three of those clips feature Jack as a psychopath...

...but this is kind of awesome and hilarious.

HILLARY-ous.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Let's get Sirius (again)

Where the heck have I been?!

I know, I know. I'm a terrible blogger. How can anyone possibly keep up to the inner workings of ME if I never post anymore? Well, one place you can find me of late is on the radio.

Today, I'll be on Sirius Satellite Radio's Independent Talk channel 110 at about 5:15 pm.

And for more radio excitement, I'll be making a surprise guest appearance on NYC's WOR 710 HD tomorrow morning at around 7:40.

Does the radio excitement ever end? No. No, it does not.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Tune in again

Tonight!

5PM!

Sirius Satellite Radio
INDIE TALK - Channel 110
"The Blog Bunker"

Who know what we'll be talking about.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

More of "OH EIGHT!!!"

As it's now become a staple of the weekly Shoot the Messenger, I am proud to present our latest installment of the Race to the White House - 08!

These are a lot of fun to write and even more fun to record...even if our recording sessions occur later and later on Sunday evenings...

Meet the Republicans!


Aaaaaaaand -

Meet the Democrats!

Tune in, Turn on, Drink Coffee

If you are up and near a computer at around 8:20ish, go to http://www.980wcap.com/, click on Listen Live and you can hear me live on the Voice of the Merrimack Valley, WCAP 980 AM.

I will speaking, expertly, on the end of the Writer's Strike, using my extensive anecdotal experience.

Also, my father wants everyone to know that HE said the strike would end by February 15th.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Pencils Up

Strike is Over (if you want it)

SUNDAY 12:30 PM: At the WGA's news conference today, union leaders declared the new contract is "a huge victory for us". Trumpeted WGAW President Patric Verrone, "This is the first time we actually got a better deal in a new media than previously." Verrone credited News Corp. No. 2 Peter Chernin and Disney chief Bob Iger, and also CBS boss Les Moonves, with "being instrumental in making this deal happen" after the WGA spent 3 months "getting nowhere" with the AMPTP negotiators and lawyers. WGA negotiating committee chief John Bowman added that, "What happened to the Golden Globes was instrumental in getting the CEOs to this table. It was a huge symbol." Bowman said it was "imperative" that the WGA "get in on the ground floor of New Media. Henceforth, we're in from the start. It's 2% of distributor's gross. They can't have a business model without taking that into account."


I guess I can't use the writer's strike as an excuse anymore to NOT write...

Meanwhile, in comedy writing news:

< ahref="http://shootthemessengernyc.com/" target="_blank">Shoot the Messenger tonight, featuring a special surprise guest. You really should be there.

WHERE: The Green Room Theater
45 Bleecker at LaFayette

WHEN: Every Monday.
Doors at 7:15PM
Show at 8:00PM


HOW MUCH: $12.50

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

IT'S SUPER TUESDAY SO GO VOTE!

That is, if you live in one of the 24 states voting in the primaries today.

If not...eh, vote anyway. It's fun!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Top notch presidential analysis

Here's another "Race to the White House ... 08!" that I co-wrote.

Oh, yes, and you can hear the dulcet tones of my melodious voice as "the color commentary guy", most notably when I scream "OH EIGHT!"





Shoot the Messenger

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Right Stuff?

Seriously, I think my sister will be excited about this news.

She might even still have NKOTB slap bracelets.

New Kids On The Block to Reunite

The not-so New Kids on the Block are back.

Trying to see if they're capable of still "hangin' tough" in their late 30s, the one-time teen heartthrobs are primed for a comeback. More than 20 years after their debut, the bubblegum boy band that once sold 50 million albums is set to announce a reunion, People.com reports.

But as the New Kids creep toward middle age, their dance steps on cheesy, fast-paced hits like "Step By Step" and "You Got It (The Right Stuff)" may have to be adjusted for age.

The oldest New Kid, Jonathan Knight, now a real estate developer, is turning 40 soon. The youngest, Joey McIntyre, an actor who appeared on "Dancing with the Stars," is a fresh-faced 35.

Donnie Wahlberg, 38, is the only member who has had any real success since the group split, with several TV and movie roles.



Did I ever tell you the story of when 12-year-old Benari flew back from an audition in New York on the Delta Shuttle...which just happened to be shuttling the NKOTB back to their Boston digs? I tried hard to concentrate on my impenetrable Algebra assignment , but to no avail, since the dude sitting next to me kept singing scales.

"Hmmmm," I thought. "That dude sitting next to me looks like a dude on the giant poster hanging in my sister's room." I used the word "dude" a lot back then , I think.

Turns out, I'm sitting next to Jordan Knight. Not quite sure how that happened, but then again, I was a twelve year old kid flying back from a New York audition on the Delta Shuttle all by myself. It was a crazy time, back then.

"Are you one of the New Kids?"

"Yeah."

"Would you sign an autograph for my sister? She loves you."

Like a mensch, he signed a little note to my sister and then added, "She probably loves Joey."

Very proud of myself for being such an awesome brother, I returned home and presented my little 7-year old sister with the Jordan Knight signed scrap of paper.

She liked it, but she had one question for me:

"Why didn't you sit next to Joey?"

Turns out, Jordan Knight was exactly right.

Friday, January 25, 2008

"OH EIGHT!"

If you haven't had a chance to see Shoot the Messenger yet, you're missing out on comedy gems like this, our take on the '08 Presidential Primaries so far...


In this corner, the Democrats!



And in this corner, the Republicans!



These have been a blast to work on, and probably the most fun to write.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm the one yelling "08!"

Oh, sure, I say a bunch of other things, but yelling "08!" is my favorite part.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

What the - - ?!

The actor Heath Ledger was found dead this afternoon in an apartment building at 421 Broome Street in SoHo, according to the New York City police. Mr. Ledger was 28.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Civil. Right.

It wasn't that long ago that good men and women had to fight hard so that we may enjoy even the most basic of human rights. And to those who think that fight is over and won...

Well. When it comes to fighting to ensure the rights of EVERY American, that fight will never be over. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men and women to do nothing.


Meanwhile, it more satirical comedy news...


Celebrate MLK Day in style tonight! Come on down to the Ace of Clubs, just underneath ACME, for a big ol' heapin' helpin' of political satire.

Shoot the Messenger
Ace of Clubs, below ACME
9 Great Jones
8:30, doors open at 8
$10


I'll be there.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

still alive

Oh, hey. Didn't you see you there. Check back in real soon. In the meantime, enjoy this sketch of me from New Year's Eve.

I look like a dapper Sluggo or maybe some kind of Li'l Orphan Annie character. Junior Warbucks?



From the pen of the mighty talented Norn.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Goin to the Cartoon Dump...

In a move that is SURE to make the Mikester over at Progressive Ruin insanely jealous, I'll be at Comix tonight, enjoying the hiiiii-larity of Cartoon Dump, starring that lovable former MST3K Mad Scientist, TV's Frank!!

It also stars the absurdly adorable and funny Erica Doering as the show's host, Compost Brite. If you wanna join in on the fun, you can pre-order tickets right now over at the Comix website. Use the discount code (DUMP9) and get 'em real cheap!

Meanwhile, if you were wondering why writers would like to be paid for writing content seen on the internet, here's one good reason:

TOKYO (Reuters) - Web giant Google Inc is developing televisions that display Internet content such as photos and videos together with Matsushita Electric Industrial Co Ltd's Panasonic unit.

The TVs, to be launched this spring, will allow users to directly browse and access videos from YouTube, a video-sharing Web site owned by Google, and view Picasa Web Albums, a free online photo-sharing service from Google, Panasonic said in a statement on Monday.

"Panasonic's cooperation with YouTube and Google's Picasa Web Albums exemplifies our commitment to leading the natural evolution of the Internet and extending it to the High Definition television," Panasonic Consumer Electronics Company's Vice President Merwan Mereby said in the statement.

Monday, January 07, 2008

We're already 7 days into 2008

Where are the flying cars and jet packs??? Still no hover boots? Really?

Bah.

Meanwhile, tonight, if you are in New York City...

Check out SHOOT THE MESSENGER.

It's the new Lizz Winstead show I've been working on lately. It's one of the reasons I haven't posted as much recently, as it eats up a lot of my time, but I think it's worth it. Also, I've gotten to hang out with awesome folks like Paul Provenza and TV's Frank...so that's cool, too.

Swing on by the Ace of Clubs beneath ACME on Great Jones tonight around 8pm and check out the show!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

More Than Meets The Eye!

Here are some final thoughts on the 2007 movie TRANSFORMERS.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

auld lang syne

May the New Year bring much health and happiness, success and love, and any combination thereof.

And if it doesn't, may it bring just enough luck and patience to get through to the next year!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

From Me to You

Good friend and hilarious curmudgeon, Tim McIntire, sent me a link to this little slice of genius.

And because I am good and just (and because 'tis the season), I now share it with you:




Merry Christmas. You are welcome.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Don't wave the flag at Ma Fury's favorite son

Nick Fury beat up Nazis in WWII. He kept America safe during the Cold War. And as the head of SHIELD*, Nick Fury ensured that the world's largest super secret spy organization maintained its conscience while saving the world from mankind's evil.

If one panel could sum up the nobility, depth, and philosophical complexity of the former Howling Commando, it would have to be the third panel below.

In one single panel, Nick Fury simultaneously reminds us that:

a) upholding the U.S. Constitution means protecting the rights of EVERY American citizen

and

b) he can kick your ass.



I was going to say that the Marvel Universe really needs to have the REAL Nick Fury back, but I think OUR real world could probably use him more.

*Originally
Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division, which later became Strategic Hazard Intervention, Espionage and Logistics Directorate.

- Biographical Benari!

Words and pictures courtesy of John Byrne, from the The Sensational She-Hulk Graphic Novel.

Hey! Stand-Up Comedy!

Hiya, faithful reader!

If you missed me a few weeks ago at the Comedy Studio (ahem), now you can see me online through the magic of the internet! It's just like being there!

Look! It's me! Performing stand-up comedy!





My thanks to Rick Jenkins and the Comedy Studio for a fun weekend!

Monday, December 17, 2007

playing catch-up

Thursday, I spent the late morning and early afternoon walking the picket lines, in solidarity with the striking WGA writers.

Sure, the big corporations broke out their weather machines to shower hail, sleet, and snow down upon us, but we persevered.

Thursday was also a special "future members" day, where students and potential professional writers were invited to join the picket lines. And as a recently graduated student and hopeful future potential professional writer...well, I couldn't let a few snowflakes and bitter winds stop me.

For the latest info on the writers' strike, check out:

Nikki Finke

WGA East

and

United Hollywood

-------

In other news:

Chris Dodd shows some backbone!

You're a good man, Chris Dodd.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

"Killed him a bear..."

I honestly, truly do not know how I feel about this story:

5-year-old descendant of Davy Crockett kills bear
Tre Merrit bags 445-pound black bear while hunting with grandfather

DEWITT, Ark. — A 5-year-old Arkansas County boy killed a black bear Sunday weighing more than 400 pounds.

Tre Merritt, a descendant of Davy Crockett, was hunting with his grandfather Mike Merritt when a black bear happened upon their stand.

"His 10th great-grandfather was Davy Crockett," Mike Merritt said. "And Davy supposedly killed him a bear when he was three. And Tre is five and really killed a bear. I really doubt if Davy killed one when he was three."

Mike Merritt was in the stand at the time but said Tre did it all by himself.

"He came in about 40 to 50 yards," Mike Merritt said of the black bear, "and when he got in the open, I whistled at him and he stopped and I said, 'Shoot Tre.'"

Tre confirmed his grandfather's account.

"I was up in the stand and I seen the bear," Tre Merritt said. "It came from the thicket and it was beside the road and I shot it."

At first, Mike Merritt didn't think Tre had hit the bear with his youth rifle.

"I said, 'Tre, you missed the bear,' " Mike Merritt said. "He said, 'Paw-paw I squeezed the trigger and I didn't close my eyes. I killed him."'

The bear turned out to be 445 pounds — 12 times the weight of Tre. Mike Merritt said tears rolled down his cheeks when he found out his grandson killed the enormous bear.

Tre Merritt's father said he began teaching his son to shoot when he was just 2 ½ years old, and said Tre killed three deer last year.

The family plans to get a life-sized mount of the bear, but where they will put has yet to be determined.


I mean, good for the little tyke, right? He's five and he's already killed more bears than me. But...

Really? The kid's grandfather was crying when he found out the kid's a natural born killer? And the dad's been teaching the kid to hunt since he was 2? I...Really? It's okay to give kid's hunting rifles when they're 2?! I have a nephew who will turn 2 in January. I get nervous when he picks up a bouncy ball.

Of course, this Arkansas kid IS a descendant of Davy Crockett...
and as far as bear killin' goes, then this kid is clearly slacking. I'm sure ol' Davy's looking down, smirking:

"Killed yerself a bear when you was five? By the time I was five, I was killin' bears, fightin' Injins, and makin' babies. Sometimes all at the same time."


Saturday, December 08, 2007

Friday, December 07, 2007

Friday Night Fights - INFAMY

To honor today, Pearl Harbor Day, a day that shall live in infamy, here's Captain Marvel, Jr. smacking a Nazi.



Because sometimes, you just need to smack a Nazi.

found via

Technically, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, but the comic books of the 1940s weren't all that ... um, kind in depicting Japanese.

Case in point.

You can't sneak up on Bahlactus.

On Rudolph

I love this time of year. I love the holiday cheer, the good will towards men, peace on earth, everything.

I especially love Christmas specials. Like Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Watching it recently, however, I noticed a disturbing fact. None of the other reindeer - you know, the ones who made fun of Rudolph, the ones who wouldn't let him play in their reindeer games - none of the other reindeer learned any lesson at all!

Rudolph learns that he's special and should be proud of his unique gift of a glowing nose. But Rudolph saves Christmas. If he hadn't saved Christmas, they'd still be making fun of him.

Santa hauls his fat sack* over to Rudolph, begging Rudolph to guide his sleigh through the treacherous snowstorm. Suddenly, everyone loves Rudolph. Now y'all need Rudolph. Now, Rudolph is great. Where was Santa when those punk reindeer were picking on poor Rudolph? Jiggling like a bowl of jelly somewhere.

Rudolph saves Christmas and then all the reindeer love him. Because he proved his worth. I call shenanigans! Why does Rudolph have to prove anything? He didn't pick on anyone, THEY did. Rudolph doesn't need their love and respect. They're still douche bags. They should have been nice to him BEFORE he saved all their hides. They'll probably just pick on some other "freaky" looking reindeer and mock him, now.

That special should end with the reindeer cheering Rudolph and Rudolph telling them to shove it.

"Too late, reindeer. Too late."

And then he flies off with his hot reindeer girlfriend and he lives happily ever after.

And when a snowstorm cancels the next Christmas, the other reindeer will realize they screwed up. Big time.

"We should have been nicer to Rudolph, man," they'll think to themselves.

And Santa will whip 'em good for making a mess of everything.

"Look what you did, you intolerant beasts! You drove away the only reindeer who could get us through the storm! YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS!" WHAP!

That'll learn 'em. That'll learn 'em, good.

This is probably why I'll never write a Christmas Special.

*of toys. His sack of TOYS. Ya crazies.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Ha Ha Hannukah

On the second night of Hannukah, my true love gave to me...

The 2nd Annual Ha-Ha Hannukah Comedy Night.

Performers of all persuasions share the stage
for a trans-denominational night of comedy,
mixing religion & politics in the seasonal spirit,
to celebrate Hannukah -- and all those other holidays.

Wed, Dec 5th - 9:30pm
The Tank @ C:U - 279 Church St
www.thetanknyc.org
Admission - $5; Tank Members - Free
www.hahahannukah.org


Co-presented by Laughing Liberally.

FEATURING
Lee Camp
Costaki Economopoulos
Negin Farsad
Benari Poulten
Harry Terjanian
Elon James White
Hosted by Katie Halper

we now return...

I've been in cyber-stealth mode for the last week or so...

If you missed me at the Comedy Studio last weekend, there will be video. Very soon.

Also, snow is pretty, but it sucks when you have to shovel it.