Everybody blogs

Well, whaddya know?

My lovely and talented sister, Geordarna, works for an adorable little kitchenware shop called bluecashew.

And thanks to her hard work, you can check out their brand - spankin' - new website by clicking on the above link.

Even better, she's blogging for 'em, too. So go poke around the website and check out the blog, The Dose, at

http://www.bluecashewkitchen.blogspot.com


Oh, yeah - if you check out their products, you might just be reading descriptions written by a certain NY-based comic who also happens to (occasionally) post on this very blog...!

R2tWH - 6.9.08

Real Life Conversations That Will One Day Make It Into My Screenplay

HER

Are you kidding? My ass is like the Mohammad Ali of asses!

(pause)

I don't know what that means.

ME

Uh...it floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?

villa.

Harvey Korman. 1927-2008

So long, Harvey.

Harvey Korman, an Emmy-winning comedic actor best known for playing the self-described "luminous second banana" for a decade on television's "The Carol Burnett Show" and for starring in such Mel Brooks films as "Blazing Saddles," has died. He was 81.

I am positive that this is NOT how you would like to be remembered:



Or this:





I hope Tim Conway does the eulogy. If only to see Harvey Korman crack up at his own funeral.

oh, yeah. I have a blog.

Yeah. SO. Let's just pretend I keep up with this thing.

I cannot wait for this to happen:

A video that purportedly shows a living, breathing space alien will be shown to the news media Friday in Denver.

Jeff Peckman, who is pushing a ballot initiative to create an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission in Denver to prepare the city for close encounters of the alien kind, said the video is authentic and convinced him that aliens exist.

Surely this is emphatic proof that extraterrestrial life exists and it couldn't possibly be a desperate stunt to generate publicity for some kind of documentary.

Peckman said the general public will have to wait to see it because it's being included in a documentary by Stan Romanek.

"No one will be allowed to film the segment with the extraterrestrial because there is an agreement in place limiting that kind of exposure during negotiations for the documentary," he said.

Oh. Still...I am skeptical.

But people won't have to wait too long to see it for themselves.

"There is an open, public meeting in about a month in Colorado Springs," Peckman said. "We'll hope to do one in Denver at some point, and then in a few months, there will be the documentary that anybody can have, and it'll have the footage."

An instructor at the Colorado Film School in Denver scrutinized the video "very carefully" and determined it was authentic, Peckman said.

Some guy in Colorado looked at it and said it was real? That's good enough for me!

So. What's the footage show?

"It shows an extraterrestrial's head popping up outside of a window at night, looking in the window, that's visible through an infrared camera," he said. The alien is about 4 feet tall and can be seen blinking, Peckman said earlier this month.

R2tWH - 5.19.08!

more STM Newsbreaks - 5.12.08

R2tWH - 5.12.08!

not quite appropriate, considering ...

This is one of my favorite sketches we worked on. Yes, it's creepy, but yes, it is rooted in horrifying reality!!

STM Newsbreak

I wrote or helped write all of these...

...and of course, be on the look out for a handsome fella somewhere in the middle of this important News Break.

SIRIUS-ly (again)

I'll be waxing philosophical and political tonight at 5pm once again on Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 110.

I continue to be big time.

5PM
"The Blog Bunker"
INDIE TALK 110
Sirius Satellite Radio

Tune in, turn on...blah, blah, blah.

R2tWH - 5.5.08!

He's a cool exec with a heart of steel

So that movie that came out today? Let me review it briefly.

IRON MAN:

Hells Yeah.

Bravo, to all involved.

Oh, and a nice little geek touch, using the 60s Iron Man cartoon theme song as a cellphone ringtone.

Yes. I noticed.

STM Newsbreak

Who's that handsome fella who shows up in the middle of the Newsbreak?



And yes, the guy wearing the helmet in the background is part of the joke. That's Barry, who is the other guy on Race to the White House with me.

R2tWH - 4.28.08!

It takes Diff'rent Strokes to rule the world...

Dear People Who Run the World,

Please make this stop.

Seriously. Not cool, guys. Not cool.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

A Poor Person

Oil hit a new record near $120 a barrel on Monday, boosted by a string of bullish factors that included big disruptions to Nigeria's output and a UK refinery strike, highlighting anxieties over threats to supply.

Prices retreated from early peaks as the dollar gained versus the euro, reflecting some expectations that the U.S. Federal Reserve may not cut interest rates this week.

U.S. light crude for June delivery was up 37 cents at $118.89 a barrel by 11:34 a.m. EDT, after a record high of $119.93. Prices are up almost 25 percent since the start of the year.

London Brent crude was up 43 cents at $116.77.

"Continued attacks in Nigeria and refinery closures in Scotland ... may see the U.S. target $121-122 a barrel this week, with longer-term charts all pointing to $130 or higher," said Ben Coleman, senior commodities trader at TradIndex.

Crude prices have surged more than fivefold since 2002 as global supplies struggle to keep pace with rising demand in emerging economies, such as China.

On a more serious note, Gary Coleman is getting divorced.

Thank God it will all be televised on Divorce Court.

Poor fella. Nothing good in this life lasts.

"I am also a cop"

Sean Crespo made a snarky video about the (presumably) awful television show, MOONLIGHT. Watch closely, and you'll see me in the middle of the video, somewhere. About 2 minutes in.
I'm a cop.


WATCH NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE.

I will be on the tee-vee this weekend

If you're as big a fan of me as I am, then you might want to tune your TiVos and/or DVRs to the CNN HEADLINE NEWS NETWORK this Saturday and/or Sunday at 7pm, where I'll make with the snarky comments on things that happened long ago.

Please note, I have no idea what the quality of the commentary or the show will be like. But it's on the tee vee! How can it be bad?

Please check back here for a full breakdown, after it airs.

CNN HEADLINE NEWS * SATURDAY & SUNDAY @ 7pm, 9pm, & Midnight

They made a doll of Hitler. They made a HITLER DOLL!

Now our failure is complete.

I have mentioned before that my former sketch comedy troupe, thank gladys, was, in many ways, ahead of its time. Like foreseeing a day when we could save the mighty manatee by eating 'em up.

Well, today, a disturbing news story caught my attention. Disturbing to me, not because of the horrifying subject matter - it is deeply disturbing, make no mistake - no, disturbing to me because we thought it up as a joke over ten years ago!!!

The year was 1996. A 'roided up Jose Conseco played for a lackluster Boston Red Sox. Bob Dole, Scourge of the Seven Seas unsuccessfully challenged incumbent Bill Clinton for the presidency of the United States. And Tickle Me Elmo dolls were all the rage.

Being fans of the zeitgeist, Ross and I whipped up a humble little sketch that would become a staple of our repertoire: Tickle Me Hitler. The premise being, an irate customer tries to return a doll to the toy store because he inadvertently bought a Hitler doll. Basically, the sketch starts out thusly:

ME
I'd like to make a return.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Sure. What seems to be the problem?

ME
See, I asked for a Tickle Me Elmo. They gave me Tickle Me Hitler.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
And is something wrong with it?

ME
Well, it's Hitler.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Yes.

ME
And it's a doll.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Yes. It says so right on the box.

ME
It's a doll of Hitler. It's a Hitler doll!!

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
And you don't want it anymore?

ME
I never wanted it! What kind of a sicko wants a Hitler doll?

Well, apparently, Ukrainians do.

Kiev - A Ukrainian manufacturer is preparing to sell dolls of the former German dictator Adolf Hitler in local toy stores, the Zerkalo Tizhden' newspaper reported on Monday.

The 40cm figure will first be available in the capital Kiev, and like the similar-sized Barbie doll wear clothes the owner may change, according to the article.

To be fair, our sketch involved a Hitler doll where if you tickle him once, he says "Hee Hee." If you tickle him twice, he says "Ooooh, zat tickles." And if you tickle him a third time, he says "Sieg Heil." This Ukrainian doll doesn't talk.

BUT IT'S STILL A DOLL OF HITLER!


THEY MADE A HITLER DOLL!!

FOR CHILDREN!!!

And there's video of it. .

Mein Gott in Himmell.

Perhaps one day, I will dig up our old tapes and post some of these sketches online, for historical purposes. Until then...I don't even know anymore.

Humanity never ceases to amaze me. Our society has completely jumped the shark three or four times over.

They made a Hitler doll.

R2tWH - 4.21.08!

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

And by fish, I mean snarky commentary about comic books and pop culture.

So long, Dave's Long Box. It was a good run.

*Please note, I don't actually love Dave. I mean, I don't even really know the guy, I never even met the dude. I just liked his blog, is all. I mean...ahhh. You know what I mean.

Thanks for making the internet a little more fun.

Godspeed, cyber chum!

R2tWH - 4.14.08!

ends, odds, etc.

TONIGHT!

5:30PM.

Tune in to Channel 110 on Sirius Satellite Radio!

That's where you can hear me discuss things of great import on "The Blog Bunker".

That's Indie Talk 110 on Sirius Satellite Radio, 5:30PM.

Then, at 8PM, head on over to the Green Room Theater, 45 Bleecker St., and catch me in Shoot the Messenger.

End Transmission.

Lowell...ish tonight

I guess I should mention that I'm doing a show tonight at Lenzi's in Dracut, MA tonight.

I'm the worst self-promoter ever. Also, the blogging hasn't been so stellar. Lots of stuff to catch you all up on. Soon. Details below:

Well folks, this is the last year for Leo Dunn, AKA, Larry Starr. To kick off his impending retirement Larry/Leo has graciously offered to host our first annual comedy night fundraiser, "THE LAST HURRAH OF LARRY STARR".

The fundraiser is to benefit the school's Assistance and Activities Fund and to help pay for Seymour, (the wonder school therapy dog). All proceeds will be used for the students and to help pay for the dog. The Activities Fund organizes trips and excursions, entertainment and other activities for the students, supplementing or fully covering the costs. The Assistance Fund helps students who can't afford to pay for their school uniforms or other supplies. The fund also donates Thanksgiving and Christmas food and gifts for students who's families would otherwise not have a holiday. In many cases the fund will give a student an emergency food gift certificate if the family is in a financial crisis. We are also still paying for Seymour, the school assistance dog. He brings joy and comfort to students and staff on a daily basis. This event will be our first big fundraiser. (If we can generate enough money you won't have to dodge Shari hawking raffle tickets anymore!!)

This laugh filled night will be Leo's version of a retirement party, (of course it won't be his only one I hope) and he wants everyone to attend. He has generously donated his time and talent to MC this stellar event. Thank you Leo!

The date is Friday, April 11, 2008. The venue will be Lenzi's Catering and Function Facilities in Dracut. Tickets are $25 and you can buy a reserved table for 12, for $300.
The cash bar will open at 7pm (with table service) and the show will start at 8:30. There will be music before, and dancing after the show, hosted by Greater Lowell's own DJ, Andy Garabedian. Lots of fabulous raffle prizes will be drawn through out the night. It surely will be a memorable and fun evening to benefit some great causes and a fabulous way to say "Hey Leo, thanks for the memories...."

R2tWH - 4.7.08!

R2tWH - 3.31.08!

R2tWH - 3.24.08!

STM round-up

That little show I work on, Shoot the Messenger, is picking up some buzz, and since that's what is occupying most of my time these days, I figured I'd share.

Here's the website, by the way.

The first part of the show - Wake Up, World - is a satirical swipe at morning shows and their uncanny ability to push corporate interests no matter the circumstances.

The second part is Thinking & Drinking with Lizz, where she sits down for a one-on-one talk with someone in the media.

Susie Essman was Lizz's guest Monday and while she couldn't say for sure, it looks like there might be another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, after all. Also, we learned a LOT more info about Lizz's past personal life. Maybe even too much info...

Here's a little excerpt from the NY PRESS article about it:

While Susie said that Larry has mentioned that Season 6 will most likely be the last, Susie provided fans with a small glimmer of hope, quipping that a gossip column snipe that his estranged wife’s career is getting bigger than his might inspire enough spite for a 7th season. Is that a hint, Susie?

“I really don’t know what’s going to happen, though,” she shrugged.

The show itself is made up of various comics, writers, and techies who - so far - have very freely given of their time and energy. Is it cult-like? I'll leave that for the pundits to decide.

From the NY PRESS:

After the show, I hung out with Lizz in her kitchen as she hovered over a plate of sundry cheeses before reacting to the observation that her charisma has mobilized a team of enthusiastic writers and actors to produce the show as a volunteer, DIY effort. Like if Ian Mackaye actually had a sense of humor.

“Or D. Boon” she quipped before popping a piece of brie into her mouth.

R2tWH - 3.17.08!

Luck o' the Irish!

If you can read this, you probably haven't been drinking enough. Yet.

Happy Saint Paddy's Day!

In other big news today, New York got it's first Black Governor ... who's also BLIND.

Awesome.

I'm reminded of a Richard Pryor scene form the movie
See No Evil, Hear No Evil.

At the 1:20 mark on the video:

R2tWH - 3.10.08!

Can't believe these weren't NY POST headlines

Spitz take!

Spitz Happens.

Spitzer? I hardly know her!

Spitzer, not a swallower.

Spitzer For Hire.

And some of the reviews are in...

Thanks, for the nice words, Sean!

Shoot the Messenger at 45 Bleecker

If you haven't seen Lizz Winstead's latest creation, then you're missing out. Winstead, who co-created The Daily Show and later went on to Air America Radio, now has her sights set on skewering morning TV. Her Monday night show, Shoot the Messenger, recently moved into larger digs at The Green Room at 45 Bleecker. In the new venue, the set design and everything else feels much more like an actual morning TV program (even if it's not actually six hours, as advertised in the tagline for "Wake Up World with Hope and Davis," TV's only six-hour morning 'infonewsment' show). There are the requisite sofa, chair and coffee table. A separate news desk.

Benari Poulten plays the frat-tastic energetic audience warm-up guy. Baron Vaughn as Davis Miles plays affable co-host to Winstead's ridiculous Hope Jean Paul. Each week typically features a taped interview segment with self-help author, "Life Expert" Dana Levan (Carol Hartsell). A big screen behind the stage plays these pre-taped bits, new toons, and last week offered a well-executed debate between other 24/7 network anchors (played by Lucas Held and Sean Crespo) with Vaughn moderating it live.

Click here for more.

FYI, I also co-wrote and voice (co-voice?) the Race to the White House flash animation he posted.

R2tWH - 3.3.08!

You can retire from Divinity? Really?

Wow. Early retirement. I bet it has a great benefit plan.

A controversial young Nepali girl worshipped by many Buddhists and Hindus as a Kumari, or "living goddess", has given up her divine position following a request from her family, an official said on Sunday.

The 11-year-old Sajani Shakya was revered for nine years as the Kumari of the ancient temple-town of Bhaktapur, near Kathmandu, in a centuries-old tradition.

"She is no more a Kumari," said Dipak Pandey, a senior official of the state-run Trust Corporation that oversees the cultural affairs in the deeply religious nation.

Pandey said Sajani's family wanted to perform their own religious rituals which required her to give up her divine position and rejoin her family.

Kumaris traditionally retire when they reach the age menstruation.

I don't know what her next job will be, but that girl will have one hell of a resume.

"And what was your last position?"

"I was the Living Goddess, all that is, was, and ever will be."

"..."

"Things could be better, Lloyd."

Not quite sure what it means that at least three of those clips feature Jack as a psychopath...

...but this is kind of awesome and hilarious.

HILLARY-ous.

R2tWH - 2.25.08

Let's get Sirius (again)

Where the heck have I been?!

I know, I know. I'm a terrible blogger. How can anyone possibly keep up to the inner workings of ME if I never post anymore? Well, one place you can find me of late is on the radio.

Today, I'll be on Sirius Satellite Radio's Independent Talk channel 110 at about 5:15 pm.

And for more radio excitement, I'll be making a surprise guest appearance on NYC's WOR 710 HD tomorrow morning at around 7:40.

Does the radio excitement ever end? No. No, it does not.

R2tWH - 2.18.08

I want this

Tune in again

Tonight!

5PM!

Sirius Satellite Radio
INDIE TALK - Channel 110
"The Blog Bunker"

Who know what we'll be talking about.

Happy Valentine's Day, Geeks!

Click here for bigger screen options

More of "OH EIGHT!!!"

As it's now become a staple of the weekly Shoot the Messenger, I am proud to present our latest installment of the Race to the White House - 08!

These are a lot of fun to write and even more fun to record...even if our recording sessions occur later and later on Sunday evenings...

Meet the Republicans!


Aaaaaaaand -

Meet the Democrats!

Tune in, Turn on, Drink Coffee

If you are up and near a computer at around 8:20ish, go to http://www.980wcap.com/, click on Listen Live and you can hear me live on the Voice of the Merrimack Valley, WCAP 980 AM.

I will speaking, expertly, on the end of the Writer's Strike, using my extensive anecdotal experience.

Also, my father wants everyone to know that HE said the strike would end by February 15th.

Pencils Up

Strike is Over (if you want it)

SUNDAY 12:30 PM: At the WGA's news conference today, union leaders declared the new contract is "a huge victory for us". Trumpeted WGAW President Patric Verrone, "This is the first time we actually got a better deal in a new media than previously." Verrone credited News Corp. No. 2 Peter Chernin and Disney chief Bob Iger, and also CBS boss Les Moonves, with "being instrumental in making this deal happen" after the WGA spent 3 months "getting nowhere" with the AMPTP negotiators and lawyers. WGA negotiating committee chief John Bowman added that, "What happened to the Golden Globes was instrumental in getting the CEOs to this table. It was a huge symbol." Bowman said it was "imperative" that the WGA "get in on the ground floor of New Media. Henceforth, we're in from the start. It's 2% of distributor's gross. They can't have a business model without taking that into account."

I guess I can't use the writer's strike as an excuse anymore to NOT write...

Meanwhile, in comedy writing news:

< ahref="http://shootthemessengernyc.com/" target="_blank">Shoot the Messenger tonight, featuring a special surprise guest. You really should be there.

WHERE: The Green Room Theater
45 Bleecker at LaFayette

WHEN: Every Monday.
Doors at 7:15PM
Show at 8:00PM


HOW MUCH: $12.50

Super Dooper Tuesday Race to the White House...08! Democrats.

Super Dooper Tuesday Race to the White House...08! GOP.

IT'S SUPER TUESDAY SO GO VOTE!

That is, if you live in one of the 24 states voting in the primaries today.

If not...eh, vote anyway. It's fun!

Top notch presidential analysis

Here's another "Race to the White House ... 08!" that I co-wrote.

Oh, yes, and you can hear the dulcet tones of my melodious voice as "the color commentary guy", most notably when I scream "OH EIGHT!"





Shoot the Messenger

The Right Stuff?

Seriously, I think my sister will be excited about this news.

She might even still have NKOTB slap bracelets.

New Kids On The Block to Reunite

The not-so New Kids on the Block are back.

Trying to see if they're capable of still "hangin' tough" in their late 30s, the one-time teen heartthrobs are primed for a comeback. More than 20 years after their debut, the bubblegum boy band that once sold 50 million albums is set to announce a reunion, People.com reports.

But as the New Kids creep toward middle age, their dance steps on cheesy, fast-paced hits like "Step By Step" and "You Got It (The Right Stuff)" may have to be adjusted for age.

The oldest New Kid, Jonathan Knight, now a real estate developer, is turning 40 soon. The youngest, Joey McIntyre, an actor who appeared on "Dancing with the Stars," is a fresh-faced 35.

Donnie Wahlberg, 38, is the only member who has had any real success since the group split, with several TV and movie roles.

Did I ever tell you the story of when 12-year-old Benari flew back from an audition in New York on the Delta Shuttle...which just happened to be shuttling the NKOTB back to their Boston digs? I tried hard to concentrate on my impenetrable Algebra assignment , but to no avail, since the dude sitting next to me kept singing scales.

"Hmmmm," I thought. "That dude sitting next to me looks like a dude on the giant poster hanging in my sister's room." I used the word "dude" a lot back then , I think.

Turns out, I'm sitting next to Jordan Knight. Not quite sure how that happened, but then again, I was a twelve year old kid flying back from a New York audition on the Delta Shuttle all by myself. It was a crazy time, back then.

"Are you one of the New Kids?"

"Yeah."

"Would you sign an autograph for my sister? She loves you."

Like a mensch, he signed a little note to my sister and then added, "She probably loves Joey."

Very proud of myself for being such an awesome brother, I returned home and presented my little 7-year old sister with the Jordan Knight signed scrap of paper.

She liked it, but she had one question for me:

"Why didn't you sit next to Joey?"

Turns out, Jordan Knight was exactly right.

"OH EIGHT!"

If you haven't had a chance to see Shoot the Messenger yet, you're missing out on comedy gems like this, our take on the '08 Presidential Primaries so far...


In this corner, the Democrats!



And in this corner, the Republicans!



These have been a blast to work on, and probably the most fun to write.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm the one yelling "08!"

Oh, sure, I say a bunch of other things, but yelling "08!" is my favorite part.

What the - - ?!

The actor Heath Ledger was found dead this afternoon in an apartment building at 421 Broome Street in SoHo, according to the New York City police. Mr. Ledger was 28.

Civil. Right.

It wasn't that long ago that good men and women had to fight hard so that we may enjoy even the most basic of human rights. And to those who think that fight is over and won...

Well. When it comes to fighting to ensure the rights of EVERY American, that fight will never be over. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men and women to do nothing.


Meanwhile, it more satirical comedy news...


Celebrate MLK Day in style tonight! Come on down to the Ace of Clubs, just underneath ACME, for a big ol' heapin' helpin' of political satire.

Shoot the Messenger
Ace of Clubs, below ACME
9 Great Jones
8:30, doors open at 8
$10


I'll be there.

still alive

Oh, hey. Didn't you see you there. Check back in real soon. In the meantime, enjoy this sketch of me from New Year's Eve.

I look like a dapper Sluggo or maybe some kind of Li'l Orphan Annie character. Junior Warbucks?

From the pen of the mighty talented Norn.

Goin to the Cartoon Dump...

In a move that is SURE to make the Mikester over at Progressive Ruin insanely jealous, I'll be at Comix tonight, enjoying the hiiiii-larity of Cartoon Dump, starring that lovable former MST3K Mad Scientist, TV's Frank!!

It also stars the absurdly adorable and funny Erica Doering as the show's host, Compost Brite. If you wanna join in on the fun, you can pre-order tickets right now over at the Comix website. Use the discount code (DUMP9) and get 'em real cheap!

Meanwhile, if you were wondering why writers would like to be paid for writing content seen on the internet, here's one good reason:

TOKYO (Reuters) - Web giant Google Inc is developing televisions that display Internet content such as photos and videos together with Matsushita Electric Industrial Co Ltd's Panasonic unit.

The TVs, to be launched this spring, will allow users to directly browse and access videos from YouTube, a video-sharing Web site owned by Google, and view Picasa Web Albums, a free online photo-sharing service from Google, Panasonic said in a statement on Monday.

"Panasonic's cooperation with YouTube and Google's Picasa Web Albums exemplifies our commitment to leading the natural evolution of the Internet and extending it to the High Definition television," Panasonic Consumer Electronics Company's Vice President Merwan Mereby said in the statement.

We're already 7 days into 2008

Where are the flying cars and jet packs??? Still no hover boots? Really?

Bah.

Meanwhile, tonight, if you are in New York City...

Check out SHOOT THE MESSENGER.

It's the new Lizz Winstead show I've been working on lately. It's one of the reasons I haven't posted as much recently, as it eats up a lot of my time, but I think it's worth it. Also, I've gotten to hang out with awesome folks like Paul Provenza and TV's Frank...so that's cool, too.

Swing on by the Ace of Clubs beneath ACME on Great Jones tonight around 8pm and check out the show!

More Than Meets The Eye!

Here are some final thoughts on the 2007 movie TRANSFORMERS.

auld lang syne

May the New Year bring much health and happiness, success and love, and any combination thereof.

And if it doesn't, may it bring just enough luck and patience to get through to the next year!

From Me to You

Good friend and hilarious curmudgeon, Tim McIntire, sent me a link to this little slice of genius.

And because I am good and just (and because 'tis the season), I now share it with you:




Merry Christmas. You are welcome.

Don't wave the flag at Ma Fury's favorite son

Nick Fury beat up Nazis in WWII. He kept America safe during the Cold War. And as the head of SHIELD*, Nick Fury ensured that the world's largest super secret spy organization maintained its conscience while saving the world from mankind's evil.

If one panel could sum up the nobility, depth, and philosophical complexity of the former Howling Commando, it would have to be the third panel below.

In one single panel, Nick Fury simultaneously reminds us that:

a) upholding the U.S. Constitution means protecting the rights of EVERY American citizen

and

b) he can kick your ass.



I was going to say that the Marvel Universe really needs to have the REAL Nick Fury back, but I think OUR real world could probably use him more.

*Originally Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division, which later became Strategic Hazard Intervention, Espionage and Logistics Directorate.

- Biographical Benari!

Words and pictures courtesy of John Byrne, from the The Sensational She-Hulk Graphic Novel.

Hey! Stand-Up Comedy!

Hiya, faithful reader!

If you missed me a few weeks ago at the Comedy Studio (ahem), now you can see me online through the magic of the internet! It's just like being there!

Look! It's me! Performing stand-up comedy!





My thanks to Rick Jenkins and the Comedy Studio for a fun weekend!

playing catch-up

Thursday, I spent the late morning and early afternoon walking the picket lines, in solidarity with the striking WGA writers.

Sure, the big corporations broke out their weather machines to shower hail, sleet, and snow down upon us, but we persevered.

Thursday was also a special "future members" day, where students and potential professional writers were invited to join the picket lines. And as a recently graduated student and hopeful future potential professional writer...well, I couldn't let a few snowflakes and bitter winds stop me.

For the latest info on the writers' strike, check out:

Nikki Finke

WGA East

and

United Hollywood

-------

In other news:

Chris Dodd shows some backbone!

You're a good man, Chris Dodd.

Friday Night Fights - whuppin' in a winter wonderland

Because I spent yesterday covered in snow and sleet:





From the cover of Action Comics # 116.


Bahlactus is so cool, he's FROSTY.

A holiday gift from the NY Post

Thank you. Thank you for this gift. God bless you, NY Post.

"Killed him a bear..."

I honestly, truly do not know how I feel about this story:

5-year-old descendant of Davy Crockett kills bear
Tre Merrit bags 445-pound black bear while hunting with grandfather

DEWITT, Ark. — A 5-year-old Arkansas County boy killed a black bear Sunday weighing more than 400 pounds.

Tre Merritt, a descendant of Davy Crockett, was hunting with his grandfather Mike Merritt when a black bear happened upon their stand.

"His 10th great-grandfather was Davy Crockett," Mike Merritt said. "And Davy supposedly killed him a bear when he was three. And Tre is five and really killed a bear. I really doubt if Davy killed one when he was three."

Mike Merritt was in the stand at the time but said Tre did it all by himself.

"He came in about 40 to 50 yards," Mike Merritt said of the black bear, "and when he got in the open, I whistled at him and he stopped and I said, 'Shoot Tre.'"

Tre confirmed his grandfather's account.

"I was up in the stand and I seen the bear," Tre Merritt said. "It came from the thicket and it was beside the road and I shot it."

At first, Mike Merritt didn't think Tre had hit the bear with his youth rifle.

"I said, 'Tre, you missed the bear,' " Mike Merritt said. "He said, 'Paw-paw I squeezed the trigger and I didn't close my eyes. I killed him."'

The bear turned out to be 445 pounds — 12 times the weight of Tre. Mike Merritt said tears rolled down his cheeks when he found out his grandson killed the enormous bear.

Tre Merritt's father said he began teaching his son to shoot when he was just 2 ½ years old, and said Tre killed three deer last year.

The family plans to get a life-sized mount of the bear, but where they will put has yet to be determined.

I mean, good for the little tyke, right? He's five and he's already killed more bears than me. But...

Really? The kid's grandfather was crying when he found out the kid's a natural born killer? And the dad's been teaching the kid to hunt since he was 2? I...Really? It's okay to give kid's hunting rifles when they're 2?! I have a nephew who will turn 2 in January. I get nervous when he picks up a bouncy ball.

Of course, this Arkansas kid IS a descendant of Davy Crockett...
and as far as bear killin' goes, then this kid is clearly slacking. I'm sure ol' Davy's looking down, smirking:

"Killed yerself a bear when you was five? By the time I was five, I was killin' bears, fightin' Injins, and makin' babies. Sometimes all at the same time."

Here Today

"...and the world will live as one."

Friday Night Fights - INFAMY

To honor today, Pearl Harbor Day, a day that shall live in infamy, here's Captain Marvel, Jr. smacking a Nazi.



Because sometimes, you just need to smack a Nazi.

found via

Technically, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, but the comic books of the 1940s weren't all that ... um, kind in depicting Japanese.

Case in point.

You can't sneak up on Bahlactus.

On Rudolph

I love this time of year. I love the holiday cheer, the good will towards men, peace on earth, everything.

I especially love Christmas specials. Like Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Watching it recently, however, I noticed a disturbing fact. None of the other reindeer - you know, the ones who made fun of Rudolph, the ones who wouldn't let him play in their reindeer games - none of the other reindeer learned any lesson at all!

Rudolph learns that he's special and should be proud of his unique gift of a glowing nose. But Rudolph saves Christmas. If he hadn't saved Christmas, they'd still be making fun of him.

Santa hauls his fat sack* over to Rudolph, begging Rudolph to guide his sleigh through the treacherous snowstorm. Suddenly, everyone loves Rudolph. Now y'all need Rudolph. Now, Rudolph is great. Where was Santa when those punk reindeer were picking on poor Rudolph? Jiggling like a bowl of jelly somewhere.

Rudolph saves Christmas and then all the reindeer love him. Because he proved his worth. I call shenanigans! Why does Rudolph have to prove anything? He didn't pick on anyone, THEY did. Rudolph doesn't need their love and respect. They're still douche bags. They should have been nice to him BEFORE he saved all their hides. They'll probably just pick on some other "freaky" looking reindeer and mock him, now.

That special should end with the reindeer cheering Rudolph and Rudolph telling them to shove it.

"Too late, reindeer. Too late."

And then he flies off with his hot reindeer girlfriend and he lives happily ever after.

And when a snowstorm cancels the next Christmas, the other reindeer will realize they screwed up. Big time.

"We should have been nicer to Rudolph, man," they'll think to themselves.

And Santa will whip 'em good for making a mess of everything.

"Look what you did, you intolerant beasts! You drove away the only reindeer who could get us through the storm! YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS!" WHAP!

That'll learn 'em. That'll learn 'em, good.

This is probably why I'll never write a Christmas Special.

*of toys. His sack of TOYS. Ya crazies.

Ha Ha Hannukah

On the second night of Hannukah, my true love gave to me...

The 2nd Annual Ha-Ha Hannukah Comedy Night.

Performers of all persuasions share the stage
for a trans-denominational night of comedy,
mixing religion & politics in the seasonal spirit,
to celebrate Hannukah -- and all those other holidays.

Wed, Dec 5th - 9:30pm
The Tank @ C:U - 279 Church St
www.thetanknyc.org
Admission - $5; Tank Members - Free
www.hahahannukah.org

Co-presented by Laughing Liberally.

FEATURING
Lee Camp
Costaki Economopoulos
Negin Farsad
Benari Poulten
Harry Terjanian
Elon James White
Hosted by Katie Halper

we now return...

I've been in cyber-stealth mode for the last week or so...

If you missed me at the Comedy Studio last weekend, there will be video. Very soon.

Also, snow is pretty, but it sucks when you have to shovel it.

work in progress

As a Boston fan, I'm psyched that the Yankees have gotten rid of Joe Torre and kept A-Rod. The Yankees are a disaster right now and the Steinbrenner solution seems to be to pile ludicrous amounts of money on the problem. And then it dawned on me: The Steinbrenners are treating the Yankees the way this Administration treats Iraq.

They keep throwing money at it but it just doesn't seem to get better. I'm sure it has nothing to do with forcing a bunch of people who hate each other to try to work as a team. And every so often, they fire the one person who knows what they're doing.

Operation Final Draft: the WGA strikes back!

I'm part of a weekly comedy show called Shoot the Messenger, which is the brainchild of Lizz Winstead.

You may have heard of Lizz; she co-created The Daily Show.

Don't mean to brag (about someone else's accomplishments). Anyway.

We're all supporters of the writers in this ongoing strike and since Wake Up World, the show-within-the-show, is a fictional, insipid morning show on a fictional right-wing "news" network, we figured the network would probably cover the strike the way networks cover the war.

So, we put together this little bit of satire - WGA EAST approved! If you like it, please feel free to pass it around it to your friends. This was put together by myself, Lizz, and Lucas Held (who plays the dink embedded with the studios); you may also notice friend and hilarious comedian, Mr. Baron Vaughn, as Davis Miles.

The video was shot and edited by the very talented Jonathan Light.




I would like to add that I made the little map and graphics for the disputed territories.

To find out what you can do to support the writers, check out:

The WGA East website

and

United Hollywood.

And if you're in NYC on a Monday night at 8, head on down to SoHo and check out Shoot the Messenger.

Friday Night Fights - "G'night, Fabula"

Casanova Quinn is his own evil twin, dig?



Y'all ARE reading Casanova, right? RIGHT?

Of course you are.

Bahlactus feels your pain...he just doesn't care.

black friday

It distresses me a little to think that there are people out there - AMERICAN people - who have been up since 4 AM today, shopping. Shopping.

SHOPPING.

Good Lord, people. SLEEP IN!

In my humble opinion, no amount of savings on Choliday shopping is worth getting up at 4 in the morning.

In fact, unless you are forced out of your bed by hordes of Vandals, violent pogroms, or some equally horrific event*, there is no reasonable reason I can think of for someone to be up and about at four in the frakkin' morning. Especially the day after a major holiday. The Friday after Thanksgiving should be a mandatory "Sleep until Noon" day.


*Yes. Being up at 4 in the morning was/is/probably always will be a regular part of Army life. But if you find yourself in the Army, clearly things have already gone horrifically wrong in your life already.**

**I'm kidding.***

***not really.

gobble gobble hey

Look, I know posting has been spotty. I know. I get it.

But it's the holiday season.

And by season, I mean the stretch of time between the 4th of July and New Year's Day.

So, let me just remind anyone in the NYC area that I'm hosting a fun show tonight at the Tank. It's called Instant Classic and you should go because it is funny.


It will also help you get through another awkward Turkey Day with your family.


INSTANT CLASSIC
TONIGHT @ 9PM
The Tank @ C:U
downstairs
279 Church St.
between Franklin & White
Tribeca, NYC

$5.

Friday Night Fights - Equal Time

What happens when Lex Luthor and Doctor Octopus team-up, dupe the Man of Steel and the Webslinger into fighting, and zap Spider-Man with a power-enhancing raygun?

This:

Perhaps the single greatest sucka-punch in the history of comic books.

Superman, rebuttal?

Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark.

Bahlactus don't take no guff from no one.

Some comedy shows...

Tomorrow night, I'll be in Pittsfield with some other dirty liberals, making people laugh. And think. About things that make them laugh. Politically.

Next Wednesday, I'll be celebrating the Night-Before-Thanksgiving in style at the Tank at our special Turkey Day Instant Classic Extravaganza. More on that soon.

And if you're in the Boston area, I'll be doing three shows at the Comedy Studio: Nov. 30th, Dec. 1st, and Dec. 2nd! I need to tape a solid ten-minute set and the Comedy Studio is my home away from home. So, if you'd like to see me make with the funny AND you live in the Boston area (Ahem. Kevin), that's where you'll find me. Tell some friends.

Dude. Cosmic Rays.

Wait, so Cosmic Rays are real?

Black holes are the most likely source of the mysterious ultra high-energy cosmic rays that bombard the planet, scientists have discovered.

Observations at the world's largest cosmic ray detector suggest the particles are emitted by huge black holes in the middle of nearby galaxies.

The findings, unveiled in Science, may solve a long-running puzzle.

And we have a world's largest cosmic ray detector?!

Cosmic rays are fast moving subatomic particles and nuclei originating from space that crash into the atmosphere.

It reminds me of the many conversations I've had with Ross, wherein he has long maintained that explaining how the Fantastic Four got their powers is annoying:



SOME GUY: Why can that guy stretch?

FANBOY: Cosmic rays.

SOME GUY: So why is that guy on fire?

FANBOY: Cosmic rays.

SOME GUY: And the invisible chick?

FANBOY: Cosmic rays.

SOME GUY: Of course. And somehow one of them becomes a rocky monster? HOW?

FANBOY: Dude. Cosmic rays.


But now, science has vindicated geekdom once more. Turns out, Stan and Jack weren't kidding around.

The magnetic fields around the black holes may speed up the cosmic rays, which would help explain their super energies.

See? SUPER energies. SUPER heroes. It all makes perfect sense now. Thanks, Science!

Veterans' Day

To all those who have served and continue to serve:

THANK YOU.

The Naked and the Dead

Norman Mailer. 1923-2007.

"There are two kinds of brave men: those who are
brave by the grace of nature, and those who are
brave by an act of will."

Friday Night Fights - super-sucker punched

"I got your Anti-Life Equation right here!"

The kids from Krypton drop Darkseid like he's hot.

Bahlactus knows.

Got to be good looking

...'cuz he's so hard to see!

"It's that bad out there?"

"It's worse."

Yeah, I just quoted The Toy. But that's what happens when writers go on strike.

Also, this happens:

YouTube explains the WGA strike

INSTANT CLASSIC - tonight!

If you are in or near the NYC area tonight, swing on by The Tank in Tribeca for some comedy.

That is all.

INSTANT CLASSIC
The Tank @ C:U
Downstairs
279 Church St.
(between Franklin & White)
New York, NY
$5

Friday Night Fights - Spidey Strikes!

"I'll take this one to go."

Spidey sure knows how to lay the smackdown.
Courtesy if some vintage JR, Jr.

Amazing Spider-Man #233

Bahlactus always strikes first.

aaaaaaaand it's official.

STRIKE!

Television and movie screen writers said Thursday they would go on strike for the first time in nearly 20 years in a dispute over royalties.

The major sticking point is DVD royalties and potential royalties for new media.

Studios, represented by the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, are dead set against increasing DVD royalties.

Writers and actors have been fighting for years to reverse what they see as a huge mistake made at the dawn of home video, when no one was sure if selling movies on VHS cassettes would ever make money.

The unions agreed to ignore the first 80 percent of revenue from the tapes and later DVDs, assuming most of the money represented the cost of manufacturing and distribution.

Writers settled for just 1.2 percent of the remaining 20 percent, a figure that amounts to about 3 cents on a DVD that retails for $20.

Writers are now asking for their share to be calculated on 40 percent of revenue and argue the same formula should be used for digital distribution because studios have almost no costs associated with that technology.

Consumers are expected to spend $16.4 billion on DVDs this year, according to Adams Media Research.

By contrast, studios could generate about $158 million from selling movies online and about $194 million from selling TV shows over the Web.

I find it very difficult to see the studios' side in this thing, other than, they want to keep as much money for themselves as possible.

Four writers told The Associated Press that Writers Guild of America President Patric Verrone made the announcement in a closed-door session, drawing loud cheers from the crowd.

"There was a unified feeling in the room. I don't think anyone wants the strike, but people are behind the negotiation committee," said Dave Garrett, screen writer for the movie "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo."

Really? Writers couldn't find a better representative to talk to the press than the guy who wrote the sequel to Deuce Bigalow?

Ah, well. Solidarity.

And unemployment...

Heroic stance?

NBC's scheduled mini-series/spin-off, Heroes: Origins, has been shelved. For now.

Intended to fill the six weeks of Heroes' mid-season break, Heroes: Origins could easily be pushed through production immediately in order to fill that time and extend the drama's brand name during the expected writers' strike.

But it is not.

I hope it's because the creators are standing with the writers and are using this as a way to put some more pressure on network execs.

Since Heroes has become a flagship show on the peacock network, I'm encouraged that it won't be jamming a new spin-off, mini-series into the schedule just to ensure new Heroes-related programming hits the airwaves during a writers' strike. As is almost always the case, it's up to the big guns to make a difference if writers are to come out on top and get a better deal for the future.

I hope other major hit shows follow this lead.

Kudos to the creators over at Heroes for taking an early stand.

strike...?

More thoughts on this later. For now, here's where things stand.

From the AP:

LOS ANGELES - Hollywood writers and producers broke off contract talks Wednesday night without a new deal, allowing the Writers Guild of America’s current pact to expire at midnight.

It wasn’t immediately known whether the writers will walk off the job. A call to a union spokesman was not immediately returned.

No new talks were scheduled for Thursday, the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers said in a statement.

Both sides had resumed negotiations earlier in the day with the help of a federal mediator, and the writers submitted a revamped contract proposal with the hope of avoiding a strike.

Details of the proposal were not released, but it appears both sides couldn’t agree on whether to give writers more money from the sale of DVDs and the distribution of shows via the Internet, cell phones and other digital platforms.

Producers have said they wouldn’t agree to anything that would restrict their ability to experiment with new Internet and other digital delivery options for films and TV shows.

Calling it “the DVD issue,” AMPTP President Nick Counter said in a statement to the writers guild that it was blocking both sides from making further progress in their talks.

“We want to make a deal,” Counter said. “But, as I said, no further movement is possible to close the gap between us so long as your DVD proposal remains on the table.”

Members of the guild recently voted to authorize their first strike since 1988 if necessary. The union has set a meeting of its 12,000 members for Thursday night at the Los Angeles Convention Center.

Jonathan Handel, an entertainment lawyer at the Los Angeles law firm of TroyGould, said it was in the union’s interest to delay a walkout, perhaps by five days or more.

“The writers guild has two weapons: One is a strike, the other is the threat of a strike. It has no reason to toss that weapon away without using it for a bit,” said Handel, who served in the 1990s as an associate counsel for the guild.

Reality shows, news programs and reruns loom
A strike by writers would not immediately impact film or prime-time TV production. Most studios have stockpiled dozens of movie scripts, and TV shows have enough scripts or completed shows in hand to last until early next year.

After that, networks might turn to reality shows, news programs and reruns to fill the prime-time airwaves. Late-night shows wouldn’t fare as well, since they are more dependent on current events to fuel monologues and other entertainment.

“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and “The Colbert Report” will almost certainly be forced into reruns by a lack of fresh skits and monologues if writers walk off the job.

“If the strike happens, we are very likely looking at repeats for both shows,” said Tony Fox, a spokesman for Comedy Central, which airs the shows starring Stewart and Stephen Colbert that lampoon political doings of the day.

“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” could follow.

NBC declined to comment on what would be in store for the show. But a person with the network, who was not authorized to comment and spoke on condition of anonymity, said “Tonight” and other NBC late-night shows likely would have to resort to repeats with no writing staff to generate new material.

(NBC is a joint venture between Microsoft and NBC Universal.)

CBS declined comment on the possible fate of “The Late Show with David Letterman.”

During the last strike in 1988, Letterman, then host of NBC’s “Late Night,” and longtime “Tonight Show” host Johnny Carson initially went off the air but later returned as the walkout dragged on for more than five months.

NBC also declined comment on how “Saturday Night Live” might be affected in the weeks ahead but indicated this weekend’s show would air as planned.

On the movie front, studios are said to have as many as 50 projects ready to go into production. Several major studio projects reportedly are camera-ready, with scripts that could be filmed without requiring a guild member on hand for rewrites.

Some sectors would benefit from a walkout. Network news divisions could become beehives in a protracted strike, with networks calling on news magazines such as “Dateline NBC” to fill in programming gaps.

Reality TV producers are finding an even warmer welcome at networks, while independent filmmakers foresee the possibility of new distribution doors opening.