I will be on the tee-vee this weekend

If you're as big a fan of me as I am, then you might want to tune your TiVos and/or DVRs to the CNN HEADLINE NEWS NETWORK this Saturday and/or Sunday at 7pm, where I'll make with the snarky comments on things that happened long ago.

Please note, I have no idea what the quality of the commentary or the show will be like. But it's on the tee vee! How can it be bad?

Please check back here for a full breakdown, after it airs.

CNN HEADLINE NEWS * SATURDAY & SUNDAY @ 7pm, 9pm, & Midnight

They made a doll of Hitler. They made a HITLER DOLL!

Now our failure is complete.

I have mentioned before that my former sketch comedy troupe, thank gladys, was, in many ways, ahead of its time. Like foreseeing a day when we could save the mighty manatee by eating 'em up.

Well, today, a disturbing news story caught my attention. Disturbing to me, not because of the horrifying subject matter - it is deeply disturbing, make no mistake - no, disturbing to me because we thought it up as a joke over ten years ago!!!

The year was 1996. A 'roided up Jose Conseco played for a lackluster Boston Red Sox. Bob Dole, Scourge of the Seven Seas unsuccessfully challenged incumbent Bill Clinton for the presidency of the United States. And Tickle Me Elmo dolls were all the rage.

Being fans of the zeitgeist, Ross and I whipped up a humble little sketch that would become a staple of our repertoire: Tickle Me Hitler. The premise being, an irate customer tries to return a doll to the toy store because he inadvertently bought a Hitler doll. Basically, the sketch starts out thusly:

ME
I'd like to make a return.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Sure. What seems to be the problem?

ME
See, I asked for a Tickle Me Elmo. They gave me Tickle Me Hitler.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
And is something wrong with it?

ME
Well, it's Hitler.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Yes.

ME
And it's a doll.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Yes. It says so right on the box.

ME
It's a doll of Hitler. It's a Hitler doll!!

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
And you don't want it anymore?

ME
I never wanted it! What kind of a sicko wants a Hitler doll?

Well, apparently, Ukrainians do.

Kiev - A Ukrainian manufacturer is preparing to sell dolls of the former German dictator Adolf Hitler in local toy stores, the Zerkalo Tizhden' newspaper reported on Monday.

The 40cm figure will first be available in the capital Kiev, and like the similar-sized Barbie doll wear clothes the owner may change, according to the article.

To be fair, our sketch involved a Hitler doll where if you tickle him once, he says "Hee Hee." If you tickle him twice, he says "Ooooh, zat tickles." And if you tickle him a third time, he says "Sieg Heil." This Ukrainian doll doesn't talk.

BUT IT'S STILL A DOLL OF HITLER!


THEY MADE A HITLER DOLL!!

FOR CHILDREN!!!

And there's video of it. .

Mein Gott in Himmell.

Perhaps one day, I will dig up our old tapes and post some of these sketches online, for historical purposes. Until then...I don't even know anymore.

Humanity never ceases to amaze me. Our society has completely jumped the shark three or four times over.

They made a Hitler doll.

R2tWH - 4.21.08!

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

And by fish, I mean snarky commentary about comic books and pop culture.

So long, Dave's Long Box. It was a good run.

*Please note, I don't actually love Dave. I mean, I don't even really know the guy, I never even met the dude. I just liked his blog, is all. I mean...ahhh. You know what I mean.

Thanks for making the internet a little more fun.

Godspeed, cyber chum!

R2tWH - 4.14.08!

ends, odds, etc.

TONIGHT!

5:30PM.

Tune in to Channel 110 on Sirius Satellite Radio!

That's where you can hear me discuss things of great import on "The Blog Bunker".

That's Indie Talk 110 on Sirius Satellite Radio, 5:30PM.

Then, at 8PM, head on over to the Green Room Theater, 45 Bleecker St., and catch me in Shoot the Messenger.

End Transmission.

Lowell...ish tonight

I guess I should mention that I'm doing a show tonight at Lenzi's in Dracut, MA tonight.

I'm the worst self-promoter ever. Also, the blogging hasn't been so stellar. Lots of stuff to catch you all up on. Soon. Details below:

Well folks, this is the last year for Leo Dunn, AKA, Larry Starr. To kick off his impending retirement Larry/Leo has graciously offered to host our first annual comedy night fundraiser, "THE LAST HURRAH OF LARRY STARR".

The fundraiser is to benefit the school's Assistance and Activities Fund and to help pay for Seymour, (the wonder school therapy dog). All proceeds will be used for the students and to help pay for the dog. The Activities Fund organizes trips and excursions, entertainment and other activities for the students, supplementing or fully covering the costs. The Assistance Fund helps students who can't afford to pay for their school uniforms or other supplies. The fund also donates Thanksgiving and Christmas food and gifts for students who's families would otherwise not have a holiday. In many cases the fund will give a student an emergency food gift certificate if the family is in a financial crisis. We are also still paying for Seymour, the school assistance dog. He brings joy and comfort to students and staff on a daily basis. This event will be our first big fundraiser. (If we can generate enough money you won't have to dodge Shari hawking raffle tickets anymore!!)

This laugh filled night will be Leo's version of a retirement party, (of course it won't be his only one I hope) and he wants everyone to attend. He has generously donated his time and talent to MC this stellar event. Thank you Leo!

The date is Friday, April 11, 2008. The venue will be Lenzi's Catering and Function Facilities in Dracut. Tickets are $25 and you can buy a reserved table for 12, for $300.
The cash bar will open at 7pm (with table service) and the show will start at 8:30. There will be music before, and dancing after the show, hosted by Greater Lowell's own DJ, Andy Garabedian. Lots of fabulous raffle prizes will be drawn through out the night. It surely will be a memorable and fun evening to benefit some great causes and a fabulous way to say "Hey Leo, thanks for the memories...."

R2tWH - 4.7.08!

R2tWH - 3.31.08!

R2tWH - 3.24.08!

STM round-up

That little show I work on, Shoot the Messenger, is picking up some buzz, and since that's what is occupying most of my time these days, I figured I'd share.

Here's the website, by the way.

The first part of the show - Wake Up, World - is a satirical swipe at morning shows and their uncanny ability to push corporate interests no matter the circumstances.

The second part is Thinking & Drinking with Lizz, where she sits down for a one-on-one talk with someone in the media.

Susie Essman was Lizz's guest Monday and while she couldn't say for sure, it looks like there might be another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, after all. Also, we learned a LOT more info about Lizz's past personal life. Maybe even too much info...

Here's a little excerpt from the NY PRESS article about it:

While Susie said that Larry has mentioned that Season 6 will most likely be the last, Susie provided fans with a small glimmer of hope, quipping that a gossip column snipe that his estranged wife’s career is getting bigger than his might inspire enough spite for a 7th season. Is that a hint, Susie?

“I really don’t know what’s going to happen, though,” she shrugged.

The show itself is made up of various comics, writers, and techies who - so far - have very freely given of their time and energy. Is it cult-like? I'll leave that for the pundits to decide.

From the NY PRESS:

After the show, I hung out with Lizz in her kitchen as she hovered over a plate of sundry cheeses before reacting to the observation that her charisma has mobilized a team of enthusiastic writers and actors to produce the show as a volunteer, DIY effort. Like if Ian Mackaye actually had a sense of humor.

“Or D. Boon” she quipped before popping a piece of brie into her mouth.

R2tWH - 3.17.08!

Luck o' the Irish!

If you can read this, you probably haven't been drinking enough. Yet.

Happy Saint Paddy's Day!

In other big news today, New York got it's first Black Governor ... who's also BLIND.

Awesome.

I'm reminded of a Richard Pryor scene form the movie
See No Evil, Hear No Evil.

At the 1:20 mark on the video:

R2tWH - 3.10.08!

Can't believe these weren't NY POST headlines

Spitz take!

Spitz Happens.

Spitzer? I hardly know her!

Spitzer, not a swallower.

Spitzer For Hire.

And some of the reviews are in...

Thanks, for the nice words, Sean!

Shoot the Messenger at 45 Bleecker

If you haven't seen Lizz Winstead's latest creation, then you're missing out. Winstead, who co-created The Daily Show and later went on to Air America Radio, now has her sights set on skewering morning TV. Her Monday night show, Shoot the Messenger, recently moved into larger digs at The Green Room at 45 Bleecker. In the new venue, the set design and everything else feels much more like an actual morning TV program (even if it's not actually six hours, as advertised in the tagline for "Wake Up World with Hope and Davis," TV's only six-hour morning 'infonewsment' show). There are the requisite sofa, chair and coffee table. A separate news desk.

Benari Poulten plays the frat-tastic energetic audience warm-up guy. Baron Vaughn as Davis Miles plays affable co-host to Winstead's ridiculous Hope Jean Paul. Each week typically features a taped interview segment with self-help author, "Life Expert" Dana Levan (Carol Hartsell). A big screen behind the stage plays these pre-taped bits, new toons, and last week offered a well-executed debate between other 24/7 network anchors (played by Lucas Held and Sean Crespo) with Vaughn moderating it live.

Click here for more.

FYI, I also co-wrote and voice (co-voice?) the Race to the White House flash animation he posted.

R2tWH - 3.3.08!

You can retire from Divinity? Really?

Wow. Early retirement. I bet it has a great benefit plan.

A controversial young Nepali girl worshipped by many Buddhists and Hindus as a Kumari, or "living goddess", has given up her divine position following a request from her family, an official said on Sunday.

The 11-year-old Sajani Shakya was revered for nine years as the Kumari of the ancient temple-town of Bhaktapur, near Kathmandu, in a centuries-old tradition.

"She is no more a Kumari," said Dipak Pandey, a senior official of the state-run Trust Corporation that oversees the cultural affairs in the deeply religious nation.

Pandey said Sajani's family wanted to perform their own religious rituals which required her to give up her divine position and rejoin her family.

Kumaris traditionally retire when they reach the age menstruation.

I don't know what her next job will be, but that girl will have one hell of a resume.

"And what was your last position?"

"I was the Living Goddess, all that is, was, and ever will be."

"..."

"Things could be better, Lloyd."

Not quite sure what it means that at least three of those clips feature Jack as a psychopath...

...but this is kind of awesome and hilarious.

HILLARY-ous.

R2tWH - 2.25.08