"Let's Believe in Love!"

In honor of this year's Hallmark-sponsored celebration of love and romance, I offer up this slice of awesome.

For the ladies.

This is the grand finale (spoiler alert!) to Alyas Batman en Robin, a bootleg Filipino spoof of the beloved caped crusaders as they battle their fearsome foes in an epic battle of good vs. evil.

Good buddy Ross is really the one to blame for this, as he once described this Bollywood-esque fever dream to me... and I then spent four years trying to track down this flick; I finally found a bootleg copy at Midtown Comics in NYC in '03 and proudly presented Ross with, what I think, is one of the best birthday gifts ever.

So, if you want to see the full-length feature (and I defy anyone to actually make it through the entire thing in one sitting), go bug Ross or swing by Midtown Comics.

I think the entire thing might even be on YouTube... *shudder*

For anyone who hasn't seen it (and that probably includes most everyone, except Ross. And maybe this guy), Alys Batman en Robin is a foreign flick that inexplicably slips into song...sung in English. I mean, here you are, enjoying an incomprehensible bank heist sequence, entirely in (I think) Filipino, when all of a sudden, the Joker and the Penguin burst into a rousing rendition of "We steal," sung to the tune of Chuck Berry's Lucille.


This goes on for about 2 hours, culminating in...this...ending:



It's a way more upbeat ending than The Dark Knight. And it's catchy, too!

Let's be good, not bad/
Let us not be bad!
(That's better)
Let's be good, not bad/
Let's be AFRAID OF GOD!
aaaahhhhhhh
aaaaahhhhhhh
Let's believe in LOVE!

How true.

So, this Valentine's Day, I say to you:

Let's be good, not bad. Let's believe in love!

And don't forget to be afraid of GOD!

Bar mitzvah

Way to go, Israel!

No, I'm not talking about the recent elections or the stand-off with Hamas.

I'm referring to Bar Refaeli, who became the first Israeli to grace the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. If ever there was a chance to bring sustained peace to the Middle East, Israel has finally provided an offering I think the entire world can get behind.



Although, the victory may be bitter-sweet for the Tribe, as she's dating Leonardo DiCaprio. DiCaprio...that's Sephardic, yes?

Still.

Nice job, Jews!

You don't need a Grammy to know you're good

I did not see the Grammys, but I enjoyed this on the YouTube this morning.



The audio quality is crummy, but the performance is still fairly awesome.

Also, didn't everyone watching find it just the slightest bit hilariously ironic that Gwyneth Paltrow (married to Coldplay's Chris Martin) introduced Radiohead with glowing affection? Well played, Gwyneth.

WHY I SHOULD... Part...let's say 1, in a series

When I have some down time, I think about what I would do if I ran things.

Which leads to our new series here at Number 9:

WHY I SHOULD...

In today's installment, we take a look at why I should be put in charge of making that scrapped HBO Preacher series. Sure, a Preacher movie is currently being developed, but we (and by we, I mean, Geeks) all know that it should be an HBO series.

So, here's reason number one why I should make a Preacher series for HBO.

The theme song would be Johnny Cash's version of Personal Jesus.

If the Groundhog sees his shadow...

..a Jew gets six more months of Baghdad. or something.

Hey. Also. It's Hug a Jew Day. Apparently.

Happy Hug a Jew Day!

Man without a catchphrase

As a comic, I think it's important to note the passing of a great catchphrase. To wit:

Under Obama, `war on terror' catchphrase fading

I can't wait to get my "Extraordinary, Complex and Interconnected Global Challenges" campaign ribbon!

International Man of Blogging

Where does he find the time to win a war AND guest blog?

Well, all that time I spend NOT blogging on my own damn site has really paid off!

Friend, fellow NYU alum and screenwriter/playwright extraordinaire Ross Maxwell has a deviously acerbic and hilariously macabre little blog called DreadWhimsy. A blog I very much enjoy.

Crossing cultural, religious, socio-economic and geo-political boundaries, Ross has graciously offered to let me "guest write" a few entries in a rarely seen collaboration between the LA theatre community (read: gays) and the US military industrial complex (Jews who run the world)*.

So check out DreadWhimsy and enjoy some profoundly disturbing laughs.


By the way, this is currently my favorite one from Ro-- er, I mean, Prof. DreadWhimsy...


*you realize I am using satire here. I'm just kidding. There are no gays in LA...

Dead Man, turned on

Even here in Baghdad, I can always get the REALLY important news...

Rumors--with wings--have been flying all day since British tabloids the Sunday Mirror and Sunday Telegraph published reports that Paul McCart…er, make that Sir Paul McCartney, is poised to marry gal pal Nancy Shevell, whom he began dating a little over a year ago in the midst of his messy $50 million divorce from Heather Mills.

But wait. There's more:

While the ex-Beatle may be the musical one in this couple, the very well-heeled Shevell's life story can perhaps be best summed up with her own theme song: "Keep On Truckin.'" She has spent the last 25 years working for her father's New Jersey-based New England Motor Freight Company, which back in the 1980s was investigated (though never officially put on trial) by the federal government for possible ties to organized crime. Additionally, Shevell has since 2001 been a member of the board of New York State's Metropolitan Transportation Authority, a position she was appointed to by former New York Governor George Pataki, who also just happened to appoint Shevell's former and newly divorced husband, Republican lawyer Robert Blakeman, to a high transportation-related position with the state. (All of which, I guess, would seem to imply that maybe it's McCartney who'd better play this marriage carefully)

She even has New England ties! Possible mob ties...but still, New England ties! And ties to NYC.

I'M from New England! And I live in NYC!

I could possibly be from the same geographical location as a place/places where SIR PAUL McCARTNEY'S possible fiance's father's New Jersey-based (possible mob-related) business had (possibly shady) dealings!

I'm practically his best man.

Happy New President Day!

Welcoming the new Commander-in-Chief with a cyber/virtual (terrorist) fist-pump.

Seconds after the inauguration of the 44th

president of the United States, Sgt. 1st Class

Theresa Snow, Headquarters Support Company,

Task Force Dragon, Multi-National Corps-Iraq,

hangs the new commander in chief’s photo at

the Sports Oasis Dining Facility at Camp

Victory, Iraq, Jan. 20.

(U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Jason R. Krawczyk)

Bloghdad

Yes. I admit. My posting has been spotty. But...you know, the war and all.

I'm sitting on a duffel bag in a tent right now, hunched over my laptop which is resting on a cot...THIS is the modern military. Finding new and innovative ways to stay wireless and connected to the rest of the world.

Since my unit is a public affairs unit (we are the 314th PUBLIC AFFAIRS OPERATIONS CENTER, after all), our Sergeant Major thought it might be good idea to keep a running blog of our experiences. A blog I happened to name. So, I should probably also pimp it out here, for the one or two people who still might be reading....

Check out Blogs Over Baghdad to read the true life experiences, perspectives, and thoughts of actual deployed soldiers...in accordance with DoD and military protocol, of course. You'll even get to read the occasional post from me.

Hey! Here's one now!

See? War's not so bad. And democracy MUST be working...there's an actual Starbucks in Kuwait. Here I am enjoying a nice cup of freedom:




Mmm. I love the taste of freedom in the morning.

Ring in the New Year with Capote

For those who have been lacking in Truman Capote this year...

Chappy Chanukkah

A NIGHT FOR FAITH, DUTY:
Reservist follows Westford Hanukkah celebration with flight to Iraq

By Robert Mills
Posted: 12/29/2008

Johanna Morse of Framingham hugs her brother, Army Reserve Sgt. 1st Class Benari Poulten,a Chelmsford native, as they say goodbye following the annual menorah-lighting ceremony on Westford Common last night. Within hours, Poulten was on a plane to Iraq. SUN / TORY GERMANN

WESTFORD -- At its very core, the story of Hanukkah is about the battle of light over darkness, and the fight against the forces of evil and hatred, according to Rabbi Zalman Gurkow.

Benari Poulten was facing just such a battle as he and his father lit all nine candles on a 7-foot wooden menorah on Westford Common last night.

Poulten, sergeant 1st class with the Army Reserve's 362nd Mobile Public Affairs Unit, left for the war in Iraq mere hours after taking part in the eighth annual ceremony, held by Chabad of Nashoba Valley on the last night of Hanukkah. He wore his uniform to the common.

Earlier, children had played games, a tradition at the ceremony. Participants sang songs as they prepared to light the menorah, topped with kerosene lamps.

The Poulten family prepared for a challenge that they had already faced before.

Benari Poulten, 31, who splits time between New York City and his native Chelmsford, deployed to Iraq last night with two other members of the 362nd, based in Londonderry, N.H.

They were to join the 314th Public Affairs Operations Center in Iraq, though exactly where in Iraq remains classified until they arrive, according to Benari's father, Sam Poulten. Benari will serve there for a year.

Sam Poulten, a lieutenant colonel with the Army Reserve's 804th Medical Brigade, served in Iraq from 2003 to 2004. He is co-owner of WCAP in Lowell. His son has also served in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Sam Poulten said his own experience in Iraq changed little.

"I'm just a dad, and I'm worried," he said.

He agreed with Rabbi Zalman that Benari's Poulten's service and the holiday share a common theme, though.

"Hanukkah teaches everyone that light will always triumph over might as long as people will it," Sam Poulten said. "As long as people are dedicated to righting wrongs and standing between the weak and those that would do them harm, then right always prevails."

Rabbi Zalman believes the U.S. armed forces represent that good in the world today.

"That's why we wanted to dedicate the evening to the U.S. armed forces, thanks to whom our freedom to express our religion freely and openly is preserved," he said.

There were larger lessons, too, though.

Rabbi Zalman said it is everyone's obligation to spread goodness and kindness. Poulten noted that his family is just one of many whose loved ones will spend these holidays far from home.

"It's really a very small sacrifice in the scheme of things, and that's the way Benari feels," Sam Poulten said. "He is just one son. There are 140,000 families with loved ones there right now."

State Rep. Geoff Hall and Rep.-elect Jim Arciero were also on hand, along with about 70 others who came out to celebrate on the common.

From the Lowell Sun

Hallow'een

You'd think that when you're in the Army, every day is dress-up-in-a-costume day. But sometimes, you have to go the extra mile.

The Army loves irony.

I'm still a little short for a Storm Trooper....

Somewhat of an explanation....

NY Press explains what's up with me lately...

COMEDY OF TERRORS
From political comic to active-duty solider,
Benari Poulten trades gags for guns

By Maggie Serota


Benari Poulten is a resident of Astoria, or at least he was until his commitment to civic duty granted him a year-long vacation in scenic Iraq. In addition to playing the role of the opening hype man for the weekly Shoot the Messenger comedy show at the Green Room Theater, he’s also a regular at comedy spots Comix, People’s Improv Theater, The Tank and Rififi.

“I think I’ve done everything that has been done,” Poulten remarks. “Even the places that have closed down.”
One would be hard-pressed to find a comedian more qualified to skewer the political process and foreign affairs than 31-year-old Poulten. While other comics passively rely on newspaper headlines and sound bites for material, Poulten has already served as a Congressional Aide to Rep. Marty Meehan (D-Mass) as well as a staffer for the 2004 Kerry campaign. And he’s not just talk; Poulten has also spent the better part of the last decade enlisted in the Army Reserves as a print and broadcast journalist, having recently been promoted to Sergeant First Class.

“I joined the Army Reserves in 1999, one month after college, which pissed off my dad because he wanted me to join for the tuition money. I was like, ‘Screw you, old man!’” Poulten explains. Clearly, there is no greater affront to a father than ignoring his fiscal advice. Adding insult to injury, Poulten went on to acquire $100,000 more debt by earning his MFA in Dramatic Writing at NYU.

His military experience—not to mention a childhood spent in community theater—made him a perfect candidate to send up this summer’s Republican National Convention with the rest of his comedy group, the Shoot the Messenger crew, when they exported their weekly theater show to Minneapolis. Although Poulten is the first to admit that Republicans are comedic sitting ducks.

“A lot of satire is based on taking on the people who happen to be in power, and right now, these are the people who are in power,” Poulten relays before explaining that the group spent its days reporting on the convention via radio and their nights “taking the politicians to task and raking them over the coals.”

Their targets didn’t make it very difficult. “The most absurd moment had to be when we spotted Karl Rove just walking around as if he wasn’t being indicted,” Poulten says. “[Comic] Lizz Winstead remarked that one of the perks of being at the convention is that we were hanging around people that should be in jail.”

Naturally, Poulten did what anyone would do and seized the moment to take a picture with the unsuspecting Bush crony, even if he did have to exercise what he refers to as “an incredible amount of restraint.”

Another highlight involved shooting a segment making fun of the horrendous patriotic-themed fashions being peddled by vendors and modeled by prominent Republicans.

“I had to drive over to the Republican mayor of Bloomington, Indiana’s house to pick up one of the outfits for our sketch, and the car died. So I had to have the mayor help jump my [car] so I could go back to Minneapolis and go make fun of his friends.” It should be noted that the mayor of Bloomington is Gene Winstead, Lizz’s brother.

Although Poulten identifies as a liberal and “proud Democrat,” one has to wonder if he is in any way conflicted about his military assignments, especially when those assignments are surrounded by controversy.

“The last time I was deployed, I was in Guantanamo in 2002,” Poulten relays with remarkable good humor. “I was only supposed to be there for six months, but that got extended to a year because someone had to go and start another war.”

“Guantanamo was one of those situations where I had to separate the warriors from the war since a lot of the public perception of what went on was shaped by policy fights in Washington. It was certainly an interesting place to be handling public affairs.” How’s that for an understatement?

This month, Poulten will be going on the road again, not as an entertainer, but as a member of the Army Reserves shopping off to Iraq.

“I knew it was a possibility that I would be going into Iraq, but I don’t think I’ve fully processed it yet,” he explains. “I have friends who have gone and come back and friends who went and didn’t come back, but I’m looking forward to being a part of history that few of us can experience firsthand.”

Despite being sent into a war zone with the added stress of a leadership position, Poulten fails to lose sight of what is most important.

“Call me back if you need me to be funnier,” he remarked before hanging up.

buh-bye party

My comedy friends in NYC are sending me off in style.

Sniff. Ain't they sweet?

Fury

via Kevin.

free fall

Whew! What a fantastic day. JUST put a whole bucnh of money into Wachovia Bank - that's a big one, nothing's gonna happen to that giant - and I updated my stock portfolio, buying up risky investments because Congress is totally gonna pass a huge bailout bill and ...

Hm?

Say again?

They did what now?

Really. Huh.

But the stock market-

Really?

Biggest point drop...EVER?

Wow.

Well, at least nothing happened to Wach-

Oh.

Oh.

Hrm.

So...

...when do the locusts and pillars of smoke get here?

weeping uke

I'm pretty wary of Beatles' covers...but this one is pretty damn cool.

"No time for you, Dave. I gotta go fix the economy...right after I see Katie Couric!"

I believe this is what's called, in the political world, an "oopsie."

Lack of wisdom

On Monday, I had a wisdom tooth pulled.

It's the first time I've had a wisdom tooth yanked. I don't know that I feel any particular loss of wisdom, but then again, as my life decisions have proven, I don't think I had very much wisdom to lose in the first place.


The appointment was set up through the Army; they hooked me up with a cool dentist on the upper East Side. After informing me that it would take about 15 minutes to rip my tooth out, I was given the option of being knocked out. An option I happily accepted.

It's a weird sensation. You're sitting in the chair, they stick you with a needle, someone says, "Just relax." Everything gets fuzzy and then a nurse is walking you down a hallway to a room where you sleep off the happy juice. And you're biting down on cotton gauze where your wisdom tooth used to be. Odd.

It's like being a private dick in a film noir where some dame just slipped you a mickey.

For me, I didn't really think about the terrible possibilities of all the horrific things that could happen to me while unconscious until it was far, far too late.

My serious lack of wisdom definitely kicked in right as I went under, causing me a slight flurry of panic just as I passed out. Suddenly, every horror movie I had ever seen, every urban legend I had ever heard, every whacked out tale of crazed, maniacal, sado-masochistic dentists flooded my brain.

You go in to get a tooth pulled and you wake up as a head in a jar, I think. This is how it happens!

I calm myself down. I know I'm being irrational. I'm just getting a tooth pulled. This dentist is totally chill and cool. No one is harvesting my organs.

The room goes blurry. "Just relax," he says, shoving cotton into my mouth, in a voice that sounds a million miles away.

Everything is going black.

Oh my God, I suddenly realize too late, slipping into dark oblivion. No one knows I'm here...!