From Me to You

Good friend and hilarious curmudgeon, Tim McIntire, sent me a link to this little slice of genius.

And because I am good and just (and because 'tis the season), I now share it with you:




Merry Christmas. You are welcome.

Don't wave the flag at Ma Fury's favorite son

Nick Fury beat up Nazis in WWII. He kept America safe during the Cold War. And as the head of SHIELD*, Nick Fury ensured that the world's largest super secret spy organization maintained its conscience while saving the world from mankind's evil.

If one panel could sum up the nobility, depth, and philosophical complexity of the former Howling Commando, it would have to be the third panel below.

In one single panel, Nick Fury simultaneously reminds us that:

a) upholding the U.S. Constitution means protecting the rights of EVERY American citizen

and

b) he can kick your ass.



I was going to say that the Marvel Universe really needs to have the REAL Nick Fury back, but I think OUR real world could probably use him more.

*Originally Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division, which later became Strategic Hazard Intervention, Espionage and Logistics Directorate.

- Biographical Benari!

Words and pictures courtesy of John Byrne, from the The Sensational She-Hulk Graphic Novel.

Hey! Stand-Up Comedy!

Hiya, faithful reader!

If you missed me a few weeks ago at the Comedy Studio (ahem), now you can see me online through the magic of the internet! It's just like being there!

Look! It's me! Performing stand-up comedy!





My thanks to Rick Jenkins and the Comedy Studio for a fun weekend!

playing catch-up

Thursday, I spent the late morning and early afternoon walking the picket lines, in solidarity with the striking WGA writers.

Sure, the big corporations broke out their weather machines to shower hail, sleet, and snow down upon us, but we persevered.

Thursday was also a special "future members" day, where students and potential professional writers were invited to join the picket lines. And as a recently graduated student and hopeful future potential professional writer...well, I couldn't let a few snowflakes and bitter winds stop me.

For the latest info on the writers' strike, check out:

Nikki Finke

WGA East

and

United Hollywood

-------

In other news:

Chris Dodd shows some backbone!

You're a good man, Chris Dodd.

Friday Night Fights - whuppin' in a winter wonderland

Because I spent yesterday covered in snow and sleet:





From the cover of Action Comics # 116.


Bahlactus is so cool, he's FROSTY.

A holiday gift from the NY Post

Thank you. Thank you for this gift. God bless you, NY Post.

"Killed him a bear..."

I honestly, truly do not know how I feel about this story:

5-year-old descendant of Davy Crockett kills bear
Tre Merrit bags 445-pound black bear while hunting with grandfather

DEWITT, Ark. — A 5-year-old Arkansas County boy killed a black bear Sunday weighing more than 400 pounds.

Tre Merritt, a descendant of Davy Crockett, was hunting with his grandfather Mike Merritt when a black bear happened upon their stand.

"His 10th great-grandfather was Davy Crockett," Mike Merritt said. "And Davy supposedly killed him a bear when he was three. And Tre is five and really killed a bear. I really doubt if Davy killed one when he was three."

Mike Merritt was in the stand at the time but said Tre did it all by himself.

"He came in about 40 to 50 yards," Mike Merritt said of the black bear, "and when he got in the open, I whistled at him and he stopped and I said, 'Shoot Tre.'"

Tre confirmed his grandfather's account.

"I was up in the stand and I seen the bear," Tre Merritt said. "It came from the thicket and it was beside the road and I shot it."

At first, Mike Merritt didn't think Tre had hit the bear with his youth rifle.

"I said, 'Tre, you missed the bear,' " Mike Merritt said. "He said, 'Paw-paw I squeezed the trigger and I didn't close my eyes. I killed him."'

The bear turned out to be 445 pounds — 12 times the weight of Tre. Mike Merritt said tears rolled down his cheeks when he found out his grandson killed the enormous bear.

Tre Merritt's father said he began teaching his son to shoot when he was just 2 ½ years old, and said Tre killed three deer last year.

The family plans to get a life-sized mount of the bear, but where they will put has yet to be determined.

I mean, good for the little tyke, right? He's five and he's already killed more bears than me. But...

Really? The kid's grandfather was crying when he found out the kid's a natural born killer? And the dad's been teaching the kid to hunt since he was 2? I...Really? It's okay to give kid's hunting rifles when they're 2?! I have a nephew who will turn 2 in January. I get nervous when he picks up a bouncy ball.

Of course, this Arkansas kid IS a descendant of Davy Crockett...
and as far as bear killin' goes, then this kid is clearly slacking. I'm sure ol' Davy's looking down, smirking:

"Killed yerself a bear when you was five? By the time I was five, I was killin' bears, fightin' Injins, and makin' babies. Sometimes all at the same time."

Here Today

"...and the world will live as one."

Friday Night Fights - INFAMY

To honor today, Pearl Harbor Day, a day that shall live in infamy, here's Captain Marvel, Jr. smacking a Nazi.



Because sometimes, you just need to smack a Nazi.

found via

Technically, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, but the comic books of the 1940s weren't all that ... um, kind in depicting Japanese.

Case in point.

You can't sneak up on Bahlactus.

On Rudolph

I love this time of year. I love the holiday cheer, the good will towards men, peace on earth, everything.

I especially love Christmas specials. Like Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Watching it recently, however, I noticed a disturbing fact. None of the other reindeer - you know, the ones who made fun of Rudolph, the ones who wouldn't let him play in their reindeer games - none of the other reindeer learned any lesson at all!

Rudolph learns that he's special and should be proud of his unique gift of a glowing nose. But Rudolph saves Christmas. If he hadn't saved Christmas, they'd still be making fun of him.

Santa hauls his fat sack* over to Rudolph, begging Rudolph to guide his sleigh through the treacherous snowstorm. Suddenly, everyone loves Rudolph. Now y'all need Rudolph. Now, Rudolph is great. Where was Santa when those punk reindeer were picking on poor Rudolph? Jiggling like a bowl of jelly somewhere.

Rudolph saves Christmas and then all the reindeer love him. Because he proved his worth. I call shenanigans! Why does Rudolph have to prove anything? He didn't pick on anyone, THEY did. Rudolph doesn't need their love and respect. They're still douche bags. They should have been nice to him BEFORE he saved all their hides. They'll probably just pick on some other "freaky" looking reindeer and mock him, now.

That special should end with the reindeer cheering Rudolph and Rudolph telling them to shove it.

"Too late, reindeer. Too late."

And then he flies off with his hot reindeer girlfriend and he lives happily ever after.

And when a snowstorm cancels the next Christmas, the other reindeer will realize they screwed up. Big time.

"We should have been nicer to Rudolph, man," they'll think to themselves.

And Santa will whip 'em good for making a mess of everything.

"Look what you did, you intolerant beasts! You drove away the only reindeer who could get us through the storm! YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS!" WHAP!

That'll learn 'em. That'll learn 'em, good.

This is probably why I'll never write a Christmas Special.

*of toys. His sack of TOYS. Ya crazies.

Ha Ha Hannukah

On the second night of Hannukah, my true love gave to me...

The 2nd Annual Ha-Ha Hannukah Comedy Night.

Performers of all persuasions share the stage
for a trans-denominational night of comedy,
mixing religion & politics in the seasonal spirit,
to celebrate Hannukah -- and all those other holidays.

Wed, Dec 5th - 9:30pm
The Tank @ C:U - 279 Church St
www.thetanknyc.org
Admission - $5; Tank Members - Free
www.hahahannukah.org

Co-presented by Laughing Liberally.

FEATURING
Lee Camp
Costaki Economopoulos
Negin Farsad
Benari Poulten
Harry Terjanian
Elon James White
Hosted by Katie Halper

we now return...

I've been in cyber-stealth mode for the last week or so...

If you missed me at the Comedy Studio last weekend, there will be video. Very soon.

Also, snow is pretty, but it sucks when you have to shovel it.

work in progress

As a Boston fan, I'm psyched that the Yankees have gotten rid of Joe Torre and kept A-Rod. The Yankees are a disaster right now and the Steinbrenner solution seems to be to pile ludicrous amounts of money on the problem. And then it dawned on me: The Steinbrenners are treating the Yankees the way this Administration treats Iraq.

They keep throwing money at it but it just doesn't seem to get better. I'm sure it has nothing to do with forcing a bunch of people who hate each other to try to work as a team. And every so often, they fire the one person who knows what they're doing.

Operation Final Draft: the WGA strikes back!

I'm part of a weekly comedy show called Shoot the Messenger, which is the brainchild of Lizz Winstead.

You may have heard of Lizz; she co-created The Daily Show.

Don't mean to brag (about someone else's accomplishments). Anyway.

We're all supporters of the writers in this ongoing strike and since Wake Up World, the show-within-the-show, is a fictional, insipid morning show on a fictional right-wing "news" network, we figured the network would probably cover the strike the way networks cover the war.

So, we put together this little bit of satire - WGA EAST approved! If you like it, please feel free to pass it around it to your friends. This was put together by myself, Lizz, and Lucas Held (who plays the dink embedded with the studios); you may also notice friend and hilarious comedian, Mr. Baron Vaughn, as Davis Miles.

The video was shot and edited by the very talented Jonathan Light.




I would like to add that I made the little map and graphics for the disputed territories.

To find out what you can do to support the writers, check out:

The WGA East website

and

United Hollywood.

And if you're in NYC on a Monday night at 8, head on down to SoHo and check out Shoot the Messenger.

Friday Night Fights - "G'night, Fabula"

Casanova Quinn is his own evil twin, dig?



Y'all ARE reading Casanova, right? RIGHT?

Of course you are.

Bahlactus feels your pain...he just doesn't care.

black friday

It distresses me a little to think that there are people out there - AMERICAN people - who have been up since 4 AM today, shopping. Shopping.

SHOPPING.

Good Lord, people. SLEEP IN!

In my humble opinion, no amount of savings on Choliday shopping is worth getting up at 4 in the morning.

In fact, unless you are forced out of your bed by hordes of Vandals, violent pogroms, or some equally horrific event*, there is no reasonable reason I can think of for someone to be up and about at four in the frakkin' morning. Especially the day after a major holiday. The Friday after Thanksgiving should be a mandatory "Sleep until Noon" day.


*Yes. Being up at 4 in the morning was/is/probably always will be a regular part of Army life. But if you find yourself in the Army, clearly things have already gone horrifically wrong in your life already.**

**I'm kidding.***

***not really.

gobble gobble hey

Look, I know posting has been spotty. I know. I get it.

But it's the holiday season.

And by season, I mean the stretch of time between the 4th of July and New Year's Day.

So, let me just remind anyone in the NYC area that I'm hosting a fun show tonight at the Tank. It's called Instant Classic and you should go because it is funny.


It will also help you get through another awkward Turkey Day with your family.


INSTANT CLASSIC
TONIGHT @ 9PM
The Tank @ C:U
downstairs
279 Church St.
between Franklin & White
Tribeca, NYC

$5.

Friday Night Fights - Equal Time

What happens when Lex Luthor and Doctor Octopus team-up, dupe the Man of Steel and the Webslinger into fighting, and zap Spider-Man with a power-enhancing raygun?

This:

Perhaps the single greatest sucka-punch in the history of comic books.

Superman, rebuttal?

Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark.

Bahlactus don't take no guff from no one.

Some comedy shows...

Tomorrow night, I'll be in Pittsfield with some other dirty liberals, making people laugh. And think. About things that make them laugh. Politically.

Next Wednesday, I'll be celebrating the Night-Before-Thanksgiving in style at the Tank at our special Turkey Day Instant Classic Extravaganza. More on that soon.

And if you're in the Boston area, I'll be doing three shows at the Comedy Studio: Nov. 30th, Dec. 1st, and Dec. 2nd! I need to tape a solid ten-minute set and the Comedy Studio is my home away from home. So, if you'd like to see me make with the funny AND you live in the Boston area (Ahem. Kevin), that's where you'll find me. Tell some friends.

Dude. Cosmic Rays.

Wait, so Cosmic Rays are real?

Black holes are the most likely source of the mysterious ultra high-energy cosmic rays that bombard the planet, scientists have discovered.

Observations at the world's largest cosmic ray detector suggest the particles are emitted by huge black holes in the middle of nearby galaxies.

The findings, unveiled in Science, may solve a long-running puzzle.

And we have a world's largest cosmic ray detector?!

Cosmic rays are fast moving subatomic particles and nuclei originating from space that crash into the atmosphere.

It reminds me of the many conversations I've had with Ross, wherein he has long maintained that explaining how the Fantastic Four got their powers is annoying:



SOME GUY: Why can that guy stretch?

FANBOY: Cosmic rays.

SOME GUY: So why is that guy on fire?

FANBOY: Cosmic rays.

SOME GUY: And the invisible chick?

FANBOY: Cosmic rays.

SOME GUY: Of course. And somehow one of them becomes a rocky monster? HOW?

FANBOY: Dude. Cosmic rays.


But now, science has vindicated geekdom once more. Turns out, Stan and Jack weren't kidding around.

The magnetic fields around the black holes may speed up the cosmic rays, which would help explain their super energies.

See? SUPER energies. SUPER heroes. It all makes perfect sense now. Thanks, Science!