Health officials said Monday that over 123,000 New York City women have quit smoking between 2002 and 2005. Or died from it. Either way, they’re not smoking anymore.
A Rhode Island woman and her boyfriend were sentenced to three years probation on Monday for having intercourse in front of the woman's 9 year-old daughter to teach her about sex. And I thought it was awkward when my mom just told me about the birds and the bees…
A British university is developing robots that can engage emotionally with humans and can recognize human body language and respond to anger, fear, and happiness. The Americans have developed a similar robot and he currently serves as the vice president.
I also wrote an alternate version:
A British university is developing robots that can engage emotionally with humans and can recognize human body language and respond to anger, fear, and happiness. And then they kill you.
I didn't submit this particular version, but SNL did end up using a very similar punchline, except they're punchline was:
"...right before they rape you."
Moral? My earlier reservations about using "rape" as a punchline were clearly wrong. And. They're all rapists.
2 more jokes that I didn't submit this time around:
US and Panamanian authorities reported they seized more than 19 tons of cocaine from a ship in the Pacific, making what is thought to be one of the world's biggest maritime drug busts. Of course, when the ship left port, it had TWENTY tons of cocaine on it…
A new report shows that about one-third of the people in Washington DC are functionally illiterate. The other two-thirds don’t work at the White House.
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