STM Newsbreak

Who's that handsome fella who shows up in the middle of the Newsbreak?



And yes, the guy wearing the helmet in the background is part of the joke. That's Barry, who is the other guy on Race to the White House with me.

R2tWH - 4.28.08!

It takes Diff'rent Strokes to rule the world...

Dear People Who Run the World,

Please make this stop.

Seriously. Not cool, guys. Not cool.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

A Poor Person

Oil hit a new record near $120 a barrel on Monday, boosted by a string of bullish factors that included big disruptions to Nigeria's output and a UK refinery strike, highlighting anxieties over threats to supply.

Prices retreated from early peaks as the dollar gained versus the euro, reflecting some expectations that the U.S. Federal Reserve may not cut interest rates this week.

U.S. light crude for June delivery was up 37 cents at $118.89 a barrel by 11:34 a.m. EDT, after a record high of $119.93. Prices are up almost 25 percent since the start of the year.

London Brent crude was up 43 cents at $116.77.

"Continued attacks in Nigeria and refinery closures in Scotland ... may see the U.S. target $121-122 a barrel this week, with longer-term charts all pointing to $130 or higher," said Ben Coleman, senior commodities trader at TradIndex.

Crude prices have surged more than fivefold since 2002 as global supplies struggle to keep pace with rising demand in emerging economies, such as China.

On a more serious note, Gary Coleman is getting divorced.

Thank God it will all be televised on Divorce Court.

Poor fella. Nothing good in this life lasts.

"I am also a cop"

Sean Crespo made a snarky video about the (presumably) awful television show, MOONLIGHT. Watch closely, and you'll see me in the middle of the video, somewhere. About 2 minutes in.
I'm a cop.


WATCH NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE.

I will be on the tee-vee this weekend

If you're as big a fan of me as I am, then you might want to tune your TiVos and/or DVRs to the CNN HEADLINE NEWS NETWORK this Saturday and/or Sunday at 7pm, where I'll make with the snarky comments on things that happened long ago.

Please note, I have no idea what the quality of the commentary or the show will be like. But it's on the tee vee! How can it be bad?

Please check back here for a full breakdown, after it airs.

CNN HEADLINE NEWS * SATURDAY & SUNDAY @ 7pm, 9pm, & Midnight

They made a doll of Hitler. They made a HITLER DOLL!

Now our failure is complete.

I have mentioned before that my former sketch comedy troupe, thank gladys, was, in many ways, ahead of its time. Like foreseeing a day when we could save the mighty manatee by eating 'em up.

Well, today, a disturbing news story caught my attention. Disturbing to me, not because of the horrifying subject matter - it is deeply disturbing, make no mistake - no, disturbing to me because we thought it up as a joke over ten years ago!!!

The year was 1996. A 'roided up Jose Conseco played for a lackluster Boston Red Sox. Bob Dole, Scourge of the Seven Seas unsuccessfully challenged incumbent Bill Clinton for the presidency of the United States. And Tickle Me Elmo dolls were all the rage.

Being fans of the zeitgeist, Ross and I whipped up a humble little sketch that would become a staple of our repertoire: Tickle Me Hitler. The premise being, an irate customer tries to return a doll to the toy store because he inadvertently bought a Hitler doll. Basically, the sketch starts out thusly:

ME
I'd like to make a return.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Sure. What seems to be the problem?

ME
See, I asked for a Tickle Me Elmo. They gave me Tickle Me Hitler.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
And is something wrong with it?

ME
Well, it's Hitler.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Yes.

ME
And it's a doll.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
Yes. It says so right on the box.

ME
It's a doll of Hitler. It's a Hitler doll!!

CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT
And you don't want it anymore?

ME
I never wanted it! What kind of a sicko wants a Hitler doll?

Well, apparently, Ukrainians do.

Kiev - A Ukrainian manufacturer is preparing to sell dolls of the former German dictator Adolf Hitler in local toy stores, the Zerkalo Tizhden' newspaper reported on Monday.

The 40cm figure will first be available in the capital Kiev, and like the similar-sized Barbie doll wear clothes the owner may change, according to the article.

To be fair, our sketch involved a Hitler doll where if you tickle him once, he says "Hee Hee." If you tickle him twice, he says "Ooooh, zat tickles." And if you tickle him a third time, he says "Sieg Heil." This Ukrainian doll doesn't talk.

BUT IT'S STILL A DOLL OF HITLER!


THEY MADE A HITLER DOLL!!

FOR CHILDREN!!!

And there's video of it. .

Mein Gott in Himmell.

Perhaps one day, I will dig up our old tapes and post some of these sketches online, for historical purposes. Until then...I don't even know anymore.

Humanity never ceases to amaze me. Our society has completely jumped the shark three or four times over.

They made a Hitler doll.

R2tWH - 4.21.08!

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

And by fish, I mean snarky commentary about comic books and pop culture.

So long, Dave's Long Box. It was a good run.

*Please note, I don't actually love Dave. I mean, I don't even really know the guy, I never even met the dude. I just liked his blog, is all. I mean...ahhh. You know what I mean.

Thanks for making the internet a little more fun.

Godspeed, cyber chum!

R2tWH - 4.14.08!

ends, odds, etc.

TONIGHT!

5:30PM.

Tune in to Channel 110 on Sirius Satellite Radio!

That's where you can hear me discuss things of great import on "The Blog Bunker".

That's Indie Talk 110 on Sirius Satellite Radio, 5:30PM.

Then, at 8PM, head on over to the Green Room Theater, 45 Bleecker St., and catch me in Shoot the Messenger.

End Transmission.

Lowell...ish tonight

I guess I should mention that I'm doing a show tonight at Lenzi's in Dracut, MA tonight.

I'm the worst self-promoter ever. Also, the blogging hasn't been so stellar. Lots of stuff to catch you all up on. Soon. Details below:

Well folks, this is the last year for Leo Dunn, AKA, Larry Starr. To kick off his impending retirement Larry/Leo has graciously offered to host our first annual comedy night fundraiser, "THE LAST HURRAH OF LARRY STARR".

The fundraiser is to benefit the school's Assistance and Activities Fund and to help pay for Seymour, (the wonder school therapy dog). All proceeds will be used for the students and to help pay for the dog. The Activities Fund organizes trips and excursions, entertainment and other activities for the students, supplementing or fully covering the costs. The Assistance Fund helps students who can't afford to pay for their school uniforms or other supplies. The fund also donates Thanksgiving and Christmas food and gifts for students who's families would otherwise not have a holiday. In many cases the fund will give a student an emergency food gift certificate if the family is in a financial crisis. We are also still paying for Seymour, the school assistance dog. He brings joy and comfort to students and staff on a daily basis. This event will be our first big fundraiser. (If we can generate enough money you won't have to dodge Shari hawking raffle tickets anymore!!)

This laugh filled night will be Leo's version of a retirement party, (of course it won't be his only one I hope) and he wants everyone to attend. He has generously donated his time and talent to MC this stellar event. Thank you Leo!

The date is Friday, April 11, 2008. The venue will be Lenzi's Catering and Function Facilities in Dracut. Tickets are $25 and you can buy a reserved table for 12, for $300.
The cash bar will open at 7pm (with table service) and the show will start at 8:30. There will be music before, and dancing after the show, hosted by Greater Lowell's own DJ, Andy Garabedian. Lots of fabulous raffle prizes will be drawn through out the night. It surely will be a memorable and fun evening to benefit some great causes and a fabulous way to say "Hey Leo, thanks for the memories...."

R2tWH - 4.7.08!

R2tWH - 3.31.08!