did anyone actually ever call them "nards?"

There are those in this world who know what I'm talking about when I say "Wolfman's got nards." And there are those who do not.

Welcome to obscurity, dear readers.

Thanks to the magic of the internet and YouTube, you can now relive the glory of the finest quote ever uttered in the unsung classic, The Monster Squad.

Spooky

Happy Halloween, Pagans!

Keep playing MSTy

For anyone who loves (loved) MST3K:

The bots are back!

Sort of.

Here's the news from the Satellite of Love:

Beginning November 5th, BBI will be launching its very own website at MST3K.com. The site will feature brand-new animated adventures of Crow, Tom Servo and Gypsy. We're told the goal is to have one new adventure each week (though "some settling may occur with shipping," they added). The Web site will also feature work from the original series (which BBI is now calling "the legacy series"), behind-the-scenes footage and other material culled from the BBI vault.

...

The new adventures of the 'bots are being produced by BBI President, MST3K series writer and the returning voice of Gypsy, Jim Mallon. He will be joined on this new experiment by veteran MST3K series writer and performer Paul Chaplin (who will be on the writing team and will be providing the voice of Crow) along with new writing and performing talent.

Between this, RiffTrax, Cartoon Dump, and the Film Crew stuff, it's a veritable cornucopia of campy commentary.

EVERYBODY'S SAFE! EVERY. BODY'S. SAFE!

TWO World Series Championship Red Sox teams in four years?!

Plus the juggernaut that is the New England Patriots, with 3 Super Bowl titles and counting.

Boy, I'm really going to hate the next generation of Boston fans.

Damn, kids. *razzum frazzum* you don't know what it was like *grumble* curse *grumble* *grumble* Red Sox would NEVER win *razzum frazzum* Bears *grumble* *grumble* when I was young...

Friday Night Fights - "Don't bug the Absorbing Man!"

Funny. Hulk was just saying how Hulk just
wants to be left alone, too.

Dig that sweet Sal Buscema art. From The Incredible Hulk #261. A highlight of the Bill Mantlo/Sal Buscema run.

And dig this: Bahlactus will eat you up, son.

It's the INSTANT CLASSIC WORLD SERIES GAME 1 COMEDY SPECTACULAR!

The Red Sox are in the World Series! How will you be celebrating Game 1?

Well, tonight, we at Instant Classic will celebrate by putting on the shortest comedy show EVER with a spectacular line-up of comics and Red Sox related fun. While drinking heavily and watching most of Game 1 at the bar next door.

Party in style with us tonight. Especially if you like the Red Sox and great comedy.

THE INSTANT CLASSIC WORLD SERIES GAME 1 COMEDY SPECTACULAR!

Featuring Elon James White! Pat O'Shea! NYC's funniest reporter, Sean McCarthy! And more!

Hosted by Benari Poulten and James Patterson.

9pm.
The Tank, downstairs
279 Church St.
$5 cover, lots of cheap booze.

(If you are a comic, tell 'im at the door and you can get in free)

And because we should never forget, this is the most dangerous man in baseball, Jonathan Papelbon:



xo,

B.

ATTENTION WARNER BROS.

So, I hear you don't have any writers for the Superman Returns sequel anymore.

And that Mark Millar has offered to write the movie for free.

Well, I'd be happy to write a kick-ass Superman movie for you. And I'll do it for free-er!

Have your people call my people.

Hm. It might be faster for you to call me directly. You know what? Just...just call me. Please.

I've got an MFA from NYU's Tisch School of the Arts in TV and Screenwriting. Will that help? Look, I can explain everything over the phone. Call me.

Seriously.

Love,

Benari

...and the Red Sox are going to the World Series. Again!!

Well done, boys.

FNF - LANDO WAS FRAMED!

Long time listener, first time caller. But I have decided to finally throw down.

Flipping through back issues, I almost almost forgot about Walt Simonson's oft-overlooked and underrated run on Marvel's Star Wars series. There are some spectacular hidden gems in this run with pretty nifty space opera storylines from David Michelinie, Louise Jones (soon to be Simonson) and Walt Simonson. None of which are cannon, of course. But considering what Lucas has done to the franchise, these classic tales are a welcome relief for fans looking for alternative Star Wars fixes.

Simonson really honed his skills on this series, imbuing the then-young and mostly unexplored Star Wars galaxy with tremendous energy, excitement, and a healthy dose of that ol' Marvel magic. Ah, yes. These were comic books with passion and style and grace and...

Oh, yeah. Uncle Walt also jammed these issues chock full of great geek moments. Like Lobot laying the smackdown on Lando...

"Whachoo talkin' 'bout, Lando?"

And that's just the cover.

Everything you need to know about the shocking showdown can be found here.

Everything you need to know about the Friday Night Fights, you can learn from Bahlactus.

end of an era

Joey Bishop, the last survivor of the Rat Pack, has died.

The Rat Pack once was the coolest group of entertainers on the planet — Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis Jr. Oh, yeah, and a stone-faced comedian named Joey Bishop.

Although not as widely appreciated, it was Bishop with his deadpan delivery, dead-on timing and bottomless pit of jokes, who was "the hub of the big wheel," according to Rat Pack leader Sinatra himself.

Bishop, who also starred on two TV shows throughout most of the 1960s, died Wednesday at age 89. He turned out to be the Rat Pack's last man standing, having outlived Sinatra, Martin, Davis and Lawford.

As a comic, I always found Joey Bishop to be somewhat of an unsung hero in the group.

So long, Joey.

This is viral

I like the one that says "This is Contraaa"...

you say Sha-pie-ro

After Youk bobbled and dropped that foul ball last night and Wakefield spazzed and batted down an easy double play ball which led to a 7-run lead in the 5th inning last night, I don't have much to say about the Red Sox-Indians series right now.

Except:

There's been a lot of talk about the great work of the Indians General Manager, Mark Shapiro.

Yet when they talk about him, they pronounce his name Sha-PIE-ro. Apparently, his name is Sha-PIE-ro.

This is Mark Shapiro:



Um, Mark? Your name is Shapiro. SHA-PEER-O.

I know it, you know it, our Rabbi knows it.

See you in schul on Saturday.

RED HULK

Fanboys might be up in arms because of the over-abundance of fan-fiction going on over at Marvel, with the possibility of an all-new RED HULK debuting next year. But, eh. Why work up the energy over it?

Oooh. Wow.







I'm sure this is in no way a marketing stunt to stoke the fanboy fires, get the internet abuzz, and fuel interest in the usually jade-giant, stirring up "controversy" so they can hype a monumental return to the status quo when they bring back ol' Green Genes to great fanfare just in time for the big blockbuster movie coming out...

...just like they didn't do the same thing with Spider-Man prior to Spider-Man 3.

It's a business. Whatever. Here's where I take great issue with Marvel. Or, more specifically, whomever is writing Marvel's solicitations.

HULK #1
Written by JEPH LOEB
Pencils & Cover by ED MCGUINNESS
Variant Cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
Superstars JEPH LOEB and ED MCGUINNESS will change the way you see THE HULK! In this startling origin epic, the breathtaking events that ended World War Hulk rocket into this brand-new Hulk title. When one of The Hulk’s oldest cast members is murdered, everyone turns to the team of IRON MAN, SHE-HULK and LEONARD SAMSON to solve the grizzly case. All the evidence points to the Hulk as the killer—but {CLASSIFIED}! Join us for a brand–new story and a brand-new team who loves the Hulk as much as you do!

See the problem? Let me emphasize the point:

When one of The Hulk’s oldest cast members is murdered, everyone turns to the team of IRON MAN, SHE-HULK and LEONARD SAMSON to solve the grizzly case.

Grizzly? Was one of "the Hulk's oldest cast members" mauled by a bear?! Will this issue feature a long-awaited knock-down, drag-out Hulk vs. Smokey brawl?

Grizzly?

GRIZZLY?!

If kids still read comic books, something like this would make them stupid. Do you use editors anymore? The word is grisly. A grisly murder.

Just another reason why Marvel should hire me.

Unless, of course, the murderer turns out to be Ursa Major. In which case, I would stand corrected.

weekend reminder

You can download the new Radiohead album, In Rainbows, right now, right here, for whatever you feel like paying for it.

Whatever you feel like spending, it's well worth it.

and the award goes to...

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Oscar winner, Emmy award winner, and now the winner of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize:

Al Gore.

Cate Blanchett dishes the dirt on the new Indy movie!!

Oh, Cate Blanchett. How I do love you.

From MTV.com:

MTV: I know you're dying to tell me the entire super-secret plot of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."

Blanchett: Oh, I am. Stop me. Please stop me!

MTV: Go ahead. Talk it out. I'm listening.

Blanchett: It's about this transvestite who finds himself in Victorian England. And he ends up killing himself.

MTV: That's kind of a downer.

Yeah. I'd probably still see that.

Why I love 30 Rock # 2,349

"She either has to lose 30 pounds or gain 60. Anything in between has no place on television."

iPost shuffle

Haven't done one of these in a while, but I spent the day writing and re-writing...shamefully, a task I have seldom accomplished these days...and after sitting on my arse all day, felt I needed a little exercise and went for a healthy 2-3 mile run through Astoria, down to the park. Listening to my iPod pretty much throughout the day. I usually always listen to my iPod on shuffle (less thinking, more whatever else I'm dong) and with 4,000 plus songs rattling around inside its plastic guts, it's always fun to see what it randomly spits out.

So, masquerading as actual content, here are the last 10 songs that randomly played on my iPod.


She Said - Paperboys
The Paperboys are a Canadian folk rock band, blending a bunch of styles, most notably Celtic and bluegrass. This is probably my favorite song of theirs off their first album, Late As Usual. I first saw them live when they opened up for Moxy Fruvous, another Canadian band I used to follow in college. Ah, those innocent college days when I followed bands around with my sketch comedy troupe. Yes. That happened. And songs that randomly play on my iPod will always remind me of this.

Grace - Jeff Buckley
Devastatingly good. This entire album is amazing.

Velouria - Pixies
Nice. It's one of those songs that just reminds me of how simple and elegant and awesome this band is. Love 'em.

Got To Get You Off My Mind - Solomon Burke
Even I'm impressed that a) I have Solomon Burke on my iPod and b) my iPod somehow knows how much I like this song. Sometimes, my iPod scares me.

All You Need Is Love - The Beatles
It's true. Love is all you need.

Conquest - The White Stripes
When the White Stripes abruptly canceled their tour this year, rumors flew that it was because Meg felt insecure about her mediocre drumming. Her reps said it was because she had serious "anxiety." Then a sex tape made the virtual rounds on the ol' internet claiming that it featured one Meg White. Turns out, it was just some chubby chick with dark hair and big boobs. I don't know what's worse: canceling a tour because of anxiety or having people mistake you for a dark-haired chick with a potbelly in an amateur porn video.

I'm Walking - Fats Domino
My iPod's feeling eclectic today. Cool. Oh, I'm walkin', yes indeed and I'm talkin', 'bout you an me...

Across the Universe (Anthology 2 version)- The Beatles
Okay, it's not that eclectic. But I'm guessing I have like a thousand Beatles-related songs on the thing. Okay. Maybe it's me: the new Julie Taymor movie Across the Universe looks sleek and stylish but I can't help think it's just going end up being a modern day Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band...

I Call Your Name - The Beatles
I, uh, I love the Beatles. My iPod knows this.

Hey Hey What Can I Do - Led Zeppelin
Absolutely my favorite Zepplin tune. Yeah, they have more technically brilliant songs, more epic songs, more grandiose songs...but every time I hear the simple blues-y guitar strums of this oft-overlooked gem, I feel that little twinge of awesome that only great rock n' roll can give you.

I tell jokes. Sometimes.

Hi.

My name's Benari. I'm a comic.

Why haven't I posted more videos of me doing comedy? Especially in this technological age of wizardry...?

Great question.

Mainly, I'm lazy. And I'm really not good at this whole "promoting myself" thing. And I don't tape a lot of my shows. And when I do, I don't do anything with the tapes except maybe eventually misplace them.

And then sob quietly for my lost youth.

So I'm trying to change that and I hope to be posting assorted clips from various shows on a fairly regular basis. And by "fairly regular basis," I mean I will post a video now. And then, eventually, maybe I will post another video again. Some day. Maybe.

The following bit was filmed in front of a live studio audience in August at The D-Lounge in New York City on the very awesome Sweet Paprika show.



For continuity geeks out there, I first posted about this very subject waaaaay back in February. And that, folks, is how a premise becomes a joke.


"Congratulations! You made it. You're a hack!"

"Oh, yeah!"



If you're still reading this AND you're in the NYC area this Friday, you should swing by the star-studded comedy bonanza that is Sweet Paprika, where I will be telling some more jokes. See how I promoted the show there? That's called...something something. Or something. Again, I'm not very good at this. But come to the show on Friday.

That is all.

fake plastic downloads

Thanks for the head's up, Kevin!

Radiohead's new album will be available in two formats:

a no-frills download that will cost you whatever you feel like paying for it

and


a super awesome deluxe discbox.

What makes the discbox super awesome deluxe?

THIS CONSISTS OF THE NEW ALBUM, IN RAINBOWS, ON CD
AND ON 2 X 12 INCH HEAVYWEIGHT VINYL RECORDS.
A SECOND, ENHANCED CD CONTAINS MORE NEW SONGS, ALONG WITH DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHS AND ARTWORK.
THE DISCBOX ALSO INCLUDES ARTWORK AND LYRIC BOOKLETS.
ALL ARE ENCASED IN A HARDBACK BOOK AND SLIPCASE.

THE ALBUM DOWNLOAD AUTOMATICALLY COMES WITH THIS PACK.
YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE FILE DIGITALLY FROM THE 10TH OCTOBER 2007.

DISCBOXES ARE BEING MADE TO ORDER AND ARE PRICED AT £40.00 INCLUDING POSTAGE.
SHIPPING WILL BEGIN ON OR BEFORE 3RD DECEMBER 2007.

Right.

So. I can take the chance and drop a good chunk of change on the IN RAINBOWS extra special box set, which ships in December but offers me the download in October...

...or...

I can just pay a few pennies to download the songs in October, give 'em a listen, and if I really dig the album, I can go ahead and order the mega box set.

Wow. That's faith in a product. And that's why we love Radiohead.

I'll be curious to see how this experiment plays out and if it has any long-term impact on how record labels do business in the future.

For now, here's where you can pre-order the album.