These are the jokes - 3rd week of May

According to financial records released Tuesday, Dick Cheney has assets valued at 21 million to 100 million dollars. And that’s just for his robot parts.

While speaking on the deck of an aircraft carrier in the Persian Gulf, Vice President Dick Cheney warned that the US was prepared to use its naval power to keep Iran from disrupting oil routes or "gaining nuclear weapons." He added, “Not while I’m aboard, of course.”

The New York Police Department is deploying 10 Segway scooters this week to patrol on pathways and in parks. Because nothing strikes fear into the hearts of criminals like a cop on a scooter.