These are the jokes, people.

Is this thing on?

As we all know, I'm in grad school for dramatic writing and one of my classes this semester is Writing for Late Night.

Every week, we have to write topical jokes and turn them in by Saturday. And hey, it just so happens that joke writing coincides with my other life...and I need content for this blog thingy here, so birds and stones. Am I right, folks?

Anyway, all of this is a long, rambling preamble-y way of saying that every Saturday, I plan to post my humble little jokes for your edification and possible amusement.

Feel free to rip 'em to shreds or bust a gut or whatever it is you kids do these days.

This week's assignment was to write up 5 potential monologue jokes for Conan O'Brien and 1 Emmy monologue joke.

Here's this week's batch:

• Katie Couric had the No. 1 newscast ratings Tuesday until the end of the week on Friday, but, as the New York Post reported, her ratings fell by almost half during that time… when viewers realized they were watching Katie Couric.

• Colin Powell sent a letter urging the administration to put an immediate end to its interrogation program, calling it cruel and inhumane torture. Powell then sent the exact same letter to Fox’s “Celebrity Duets.”
  

• Pope Benedict XVI sparked controversy the other day when he quoted a medieval Emperor who said that Muhammad was “evil and inhuman” and that he “spread by the sword the faith he preached." The Pope went on to angrily preach against the Islamic faith without any trace of irony whatsoever.

• After Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin’s tragic death at the barb of a stingray, Australians have responded by killing over 20 stingrays in revenge attacks. In keeping with current foreign policy, the US has announced it will also retaliate…by attacking baby seals.

• The Casbah Coffee Club, created in 1959 in the basement of drummer Pete Best’s Liverpool home, has gained protected status by the British government for its important historical significance to the Beatles. Pete Best’s significance to the Beatles remains largely ignored.

EMMY joke:

• It’s nice to see Julia Louis-Dreyfus nominated for best actress in a comedy series. Of course, all her competitors in that category are from cancelled shows…I hope this isn’t CBS’ way of breaking the news to her.