good to be bad

It's official. Being a dick gets you laid.

NICE guys knew it, now two studies have confirmed it: bad boys get the most girls. The finding may help explain why a nasty suite of antisocial personality traits known as the "dark triad" persists in the human population, despite their potentially grave cultural costs.

The traits are the self-obsession of narcissism; the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behaviour of psychopaths; and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism.

Thanks, Science. Even worse, there's nothing we can do about it, since procreating is in their very nature.

But being just slightly evil could have an upside: a prolific sex life, says Peter Jonason at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces. "We have some evidence that the three traits are really the same thing and may represent a successful evolutionary strategy."

In short: Assholes are more likely to breed, thus ensuring the survival of their species.

So if you feel like you're surrounded by assholes, you are.
It's only natural.

Badges? Shaq don't need no steenkin' badges...!

Shaquille O’Neal will lose his special deputy’s badge in Maricopa County because of language he used in a rap video that mocks former teammate Kobe Bryant.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said the Phoenix Suns center’s use of a racially derogatory word and other foul language left him no choice. Arpaio made Shaq a special deputy in 2006 and promoted him to colonel of his largely ceremonial posse later that year.

“I want his two badges back,” Arpaio told The Associated Press on Tuesday. “Because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they’re fired. I don’t condone this type of racial conduct.”

INT. POLICE CHIEF'S OFFICE - EVENING

SHAQ
(throwing badge on the desk)

You want my badge? Take it!

CHIEF

Shaq, you're reckless, irresponsible, and a danger to everyone around you...but you're the best damn special deputy and ceremonial posse colonel I've got.

So long, Class Clown

There are only seven words that could possibly express my feelings about the death of George Carlin.

Naturally.



And some thoughts on death by the man himself.

STM Newsbreak - from last week

Here are some jokes that I wrote and/or helped write from last week's show.

I'm particularly proud of the last bit, based on this story:

Obama and Lieberman greeted each on the Senate floor in the Well as they were voting on the budget resolution.

They shook hands. But Obama didn’t let go, leading Lieberman - cordially - by the hand across the room into a corner on the Democratic side, where Democratic sources tell ABC News he delivered some tough words for the junior senator from Connecticut, who had just minutes before hammered Obama's speech before the pro-Israel group AIPAC in a conference call arranged by the McCain campaign...

The two spoke intensely for approximately five minutes, with no one able to hear their conversation. Reporters watched as Obama leaned closely in to Lieberman, whose back was literally up against the wall.

Enjoy.

Update from an Undisclosed Location

I meant to post this week, but it's that time of the year for me. I'm on Army time - what used to be called Annual Training, or AT. I'm told it is now called ECT - Extended Combat Training.

I used to drill one weekend a month. Now I attend Battle Assembly.

Just two of the many little changes to the Army Reserve that six years of war brings.

Stay tuned as I wax poetic a little more on what it is I actually do in the Army.

Everybody blogs

Well, whaddya know?

My lovely and talented sister, Geordarna, works for an adorable little kitchenware shop called bluecashew.

And thanks to her hard work, you can check out their brand - spankin' - new website by clicking on the above link.

Even better, she's blogging for 'em, too. So go poke around the website and check out the blog, The Dose, at

http://www.bluecashewkitchen.blogspot.com


Oh, yeah - if you check out their products, you might just be reading descriptions written by a certain NY-based comic who also happens to (occasionally) post on this very blog...!

R2tWH - 6.9.08

Real Life Conversations That Will One Day Make It Into My Screenplay

HER

Are you kidding? My ass is like the Mohammad Ali of asses!

(pause)

I don't know what that means.

ME

Uh...it floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?

villa.