Stan Lee Meets...

So, Marvel's releasing a new series this year in which Stan Lee meets five of his favorite Marvel (co-)creations.

And a few days ago, on a brief visit to Somerville, I chatted with chums Kevin and Mike at Comicazi (don't mean to brag) and I wondered aloud about the possibility of Marvel doing a comic book in which Stan Lee meets Jack Kirby all these years later to make amends. Of course, The King has passed on, but through the magical power of comic books, here's what I think the comic book would look like, in script form. Of course, this being modern-day Marvel, it would be written by Brian Michael Bendis.

Please note, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Stan Lee and Jack Kirby...this is all in bad taste and fun. And so, may I humbly present:

STAN LEE MEETS...
JACK KIRBY!

as written by Brian Michael Bendis

PAGE 1: SPLASH PAGE. STAN LEE bursts forth from the page like a bombastic, ritalin-deprived 6-year old.

STAN LEE

Hey, True Believer! Stan "the Man" Lee here to extend a humble hand in friendship to you, the ever-lovin', cigar-chompin' pencil-slingin' maestro of the marvelous, Jack "the King" Kirby. The past is past, ol' pal, so let's let bygones be bygones. If the Yanks and the Reds can do it, then surely two towering titans and tellers of terrific tales such as ourselves can bury the hatchet...in something other than a buddy's back! In fact, such debonair and devilish dynamos like the two of us should team-up! Like the old days! Just imagine...! You, me...why, we could put the whole boisterous bullpen back together! Who knows what new, dizzying heights of excellence we could achieve?! Fame, fortune, fantastic flights of fancy and ferocious fun...the sky's the limit! Whaddya say, ol' buddy, ol' pal?

PAGE 2: 9-Panel Grid. JACK KIRBY sits at his drawing board, smoking a cigar. He and STAN LEE face each other.

Panel 1. STAN and JACK stare at each other.

STAN LEE

So? How 'bout it, Jack?

Panel 2-9. STAN and JACK stare at each other. Jack's cigar gets progressively smaller as he puffs away.

NO DIALOGUE.

PAGES 3-21: Each page is a 9-panel grid and each panel is the same repeating image, except JACK's cigar gets smaller and smaller, until it's merely a nub. STAN and JACK silently stare at each other.

NO DIALOGUE.

PAGE 22: 9-panel grid of STAN and JACK staring at each other.

Panels 1-8. STAN and JACK stare at each other.

NO DIALOGUE

Panel 9. Same image of STAN and JACK staring at each other. JACK's cigar has completely burnt out.

JACK KIRBY

Go fuck yourself.*

PAGE 23:

Panel 1. Suddenly, and without warning, a metal chair cracks Stan Lee over the head, knocking him out.

SFX: KER-RAAAANG!!

Panel 2. STEVE DITKO stands over STAN LEE, holding the chair.

STEVE DITKO

Justice demands that man's principles be fixed in terms of good and evil. Black and white! Any man who deliberately commits an evil act will be so judged! No man shall profit from choosing evil at the expense of those who choose to be good!

Panel 3. JACK KIRBY stares at STEVE DITKO, who clutches the metal chair.

NO DIALOGUE.

Panel 4. SAME IMAGE. JACK KIRBY stares at STEVE DITKO.

JACK KIRBY

You really need to get laid, Steve. You know that, right?

Panel 5. JACK lights up another cigar.

NO DIALOGUE.

Panel 6. CLOSE-UP on STAN LEE. He's propped his head up on one hand, his eyes are open and he has a large grin on his face.

STAN LEE

Fear not, o Faithful Ones! Your old pal, Stan Lee, can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'! It's just business as usual here on another typical day at the bullpen. If you want to see more pulse-pounding action and excitement, tune-in to what's sure to be the next far-out phenomenon, Who Wants To Be A Superhero?, Thursdays on Sci Fi Channel!

Panel 7. Small, circular panel. CLOSE-UP on STAN LEE's face. He's winking to the readers.

STAN LEE

EXCELSIOR!


*Remember, this is Brian Michael Bendis writing this! - Bashful Benari!