should old acquaintance be forgot...

Image courtesy of the GCD.

my friends are comedians

Just wanted to point y'all over to the latest issue of The Comedians, in which four of my friends happen to be featured.

Four completely different styles, four vastly different perspectives, and so funny they make me jealous on a regular basis.

Baron Vaughn: An amazingly energetic and thoughtful performer. He will beatbox his way into your heart.
Ophira Eisenberg: the Vanilla Mistress with a heart of gold. And darkness.
Todd Levin: Finally. A funny Jew.

Tim McIntire: the guy who threw me up onstage for my first stand-up set. After getting me plastered. A real comic's comic.

Go. Read. Learn. Laugh.

A few quick things I learned over the holidays

• Everyone loves babies.

• Everyone wanted a GPS this year, apparently.

• Every radio station in Massachusetts plays some version of Winter Wonderland every third song.

• Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey isn't considered offensive?
  

• It is actually possible to watch Road House too many times.
  

winter of no content

Aaaaaand....

...we're back.

How've you been? You look well. Did you lose weight? Seriously. You look good.

No shows to pimp right now and between real life and some grad school burn out, posting's been light.

But I am alive and well. And I will make with the rambling again.

Kether.

retiring a joke

So, waaaay back in the halcyon days of 2000, a young-ish governor from Texas ran for President. And, as a young up-and-coming stand-up comic in Boston with a penchant for politics, I wrote a good number of jokes about then-candidate Bush.

I still do one of 'em, which likens W to Roscoe P. Coltrane from the Dukes of Hazzard.

Of course, if you do a joke for a lot of years and you never make it onto the TeeVee, well, you run the risk of someone else getting there first with a similar joke.

And after 6 years, it's finally happened. At least it's one of my favorite comics, Patton Oswalt. It's a different joke, but similar enough that I think it's time to retire my bit. It was a good run.

Luckily, Patton's bit is hilarious. Jumping the General Lee over the bill of rights? Awesome.

Below, you'll find the Patton clip from Comedy Central.

And after all these years, I'm finally crossing "Roscoe P. Coltrane" off my set list. Good bye, old friend.

If I played it...

...here's how I'd play it.

And play it. And play it...

Peter Boyle

I will always love him for being in one of the funniest scenes EVER put on film.

Easily one of my top 5 favorite screen moments of all time.




UPDATED:

Noah mourns his passing in the same way!!

Geekgasm

Attention Kevin:

Tricia Helfer redefines "skinjob" in next month's Playboy!

NSFW.

On a related note, the geekiest thing I did this week was to try to get tickets to tomorrow's free screening of Battlestar Galactica's mid-season finale on the big screen at the Sunshine Cinema in NYC.

I failed. My geek-fu is weak these days.

These are the jokes - the end is nigh

As the semester draws to a frightening close, here's the latest batch for the ol' joke packet.

Looking at the jokes now, it was kind of a dark week. And it's only Tuesday.

Punchlines in bold. Some restrictions apply. Mileage may vary.

Iran is hosting a two-day international conference dubbed “Study of the Holocaust: A Global Perspective,” an "impartial discussion of whether the Holocaust actually happened." This will be followed by Iran’s international conference on the Sun, entitled “Cancer Raygun of the Jews.”

Outgoing Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was in Iraq to bid farewell to the troops, saying he thought the military should stay in Iraq for the long haul, even though he was going home. The troops thought it might be better the other way around.

Senator Barack Obama made a huge splash in his first visit to New Hampshire and fueled talk of a 2008 Presidential run, with one man gushing, “I think his message of hope and optimism is exciting people.” The man added, “Too bad he’s black.”

An official report has revealed that the U.S. Secret Service was secretly bugging Princess Diana's phone, but that the secretly recorded conversations shed no new light on Diana's death. They do, however, shed light on the fact that Diana liked phone sex. A lot.

Richard Pryor (Dec. 1, 1940 - Dec. 10, 2005)

"When I was in Africa, this voice came to me and said, 'Richard, what do you see?' I said, 'I see all types of people.' The voice said, 'But do you see any n*gg*rs?' I said, 'No.' It said, 'Do you know why? 'Cause there aren't any.'"

- Richard Pryor
Live on the Sunset Strip

*yeah, I used asteriks - I don't feel like getting hits by folks searching for the word.

"Love is the answer"

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

Been a while

Oh. Hello. I didn't see you there.

So much I'd love to rant and rave about, but funny thing about graduate school...it's kind of time consuming.

As things slow down, I'll have more time to ramble. Until then, here are more jokes for the packet. Punchlines in bold. Special bonus visual aide!

Current U.N. Ambassador John Bolton has announced he will step down after his temporary appointment ends this year. Bolton’s supporters fear this now leaves the U.N. without proper porn ‘stache representation.





At a Phoenix airport, security guards are testing a controversial new x-ray device that reveals what people look like underneath all of their clothes. Officials are calling the device “The Britney.”

In a recent interview, Mel Gibson defended Michael Richards’ racial tirade by blaming it all on stress. Stress caused by the Jews.

Faced with public discontent, Wal-Mart has developed a wide-ranging new program intended to show that it appreciates its 1.3 million workers in the United States. As part of the new program, employees who work more than 40 hours a week will be allowed to live.

In Kansas, a gun-toting thief who tried to steal a pair of stereo speakers in broad daylight accidentally shot off one of his testicles. Armed robbery in broad daylight? That crook has ball.