scAtterBrain

Check out Tim's new comedy CD!

Some of the smartest, funniest, most honest comedy you'll hear, this CD exemplifies what it is that Tim does best: make people laugh. And, to make it extra-special , Tim takes you behind the laughs in a terrifyingly brutal bonus track, where, in unedited real time, you can hear exactly what it's like when a comic tanks at a hell gig.

Buy it now.

Sweet Home Kentucky?

Can anyone explain to me why KFC (Kentucky fried Chicken) is using the song "Sweet Home Alabama" in their commercials as their new theme song?

Isn't there a Kentucky song they could use?

Maybe KFC just hates Neal Young and totally loves racist governors.

We all did what we could do.

Not quite sure why I get these updates...

...but I do.

Here's the latest update from Jackie Kane Parham, who occasionally leaves comments for me on random, unrelated posts.

Alfred Parham is just now going to Court, thanks to this situation, Alfred Parham has been caught. The Court date is set for March 23, 2006. Alfred Parham left me with Rent Bills (the military should have paid for). Moreover, I worked as a Confidential Secretary at DSU and discovered lies from when we were dating as Undergraduates and when we were married, i.e., Mailing Address.
Jackie Kane Parham | 03.22.06 - 11:56 am | #

Thanks for the update, I guess!

Chef's eulogy

Today's brilliant quote of the day comes, not from film, but from last week's episode of South Park, written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

"A lot of us... don't agree with the choices Chef has made in the past few days. Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the last week take away the memories of how much Chef made us smile. I'm going to remember Chef as the Jolly old guy who broke into song. I'm going to remember Chef as the guy who gave us advice to live by. So you see, we shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that fruity, little club for scrambling his brains..."

-Kyle
(Matt Stone)

covered

Swung by Rocketship tonight during their Comic Jam, where folks all jam on a blank, 9-panel page - each drawing one panel - to create a unique page of collaborative art. Even picked up a pen and contributed a few panels m'self.

Swing by Rocketship NOW and see all the pretty pictures for yourself!

Speaking of pretty pictures...

Inspired by Mike's recent post, and Kevin's Genius Cover Sundays, here are a few of my favorite comic book covers from over the years. In no particular order and in no way complete.

All scans taken from the Grand Comic Book Database.

----------------






Gorgeous Neal Adams cover and a great "Paul is Dead" reference.

I spent years tracking down this comic book. It remains one of my most treasured comics in my collection.












Classy.

I love the charm and stylish simplicity of this fantastic John Buscema cover.












Gee. That Frank Miller sure does know how to draw.

I love the almost animalistic, feral-looking Peter Parker and the anguished ghost-Spidey in the background. Striking and expressive, it's just a beautiful cover.










I don't think it gets more iconic than this.

I can hear the slow, deliberate opening strains of John Williams' classic theme song when I look at this stunning Fred Ray cover. Awesome.











An obvious choice, this cover perfectly captures the essence of Steranko's brilliance. The Dali riff, the sense of dread, the menacing shadow men, the definitive cool of Nick Fury, even on the run; it's the madness that only comic books can give you.

Grant Morrison weeps at this cover.









Swamp Thing. Arkham Asylum.

The Joker in one of the barred windows?!

Moody and creepy, it demands to be read! Just an outstanding Stephen Bissette cover.










'Nuff Said.

2 great tastes, fool

New comic book starring Mr. T?

Check.

Ridiculously kickass cover by comics legend Jim Steranko?



Check.


Steranko plus Mr. T = crazy delicious. Fool.



image taken from Newsarama

don't mess with Cartman

Last night's South Park was nearly perfect in its satire - the creepiness, brainwshing, and ineffectual threats of the "Super Adventure Club" coupled with the loving eulogy to Chef at the end made for the best response to Isaac Hayes' abrupt departure and Tom Cruise's Scientological hissy fit last week.

And it's good to note that if you get into a pissing contest with Matt Stone and Trey Parker, they'll just turn you and your group into pedophiles.

But here's the really weird thing from today's NY POST:

March 23, 2006 -- ISAAC Hayes may not have quit "South Park" at all - or at least not willingly. Turns out Hayes has been away from Comedy Central's hit show for the past three months because he had a stroke. According to foxnews.com, he's at home recuperating and did not issue the press release which said he was quitting because the show made fun of his faith. That release was put out by fellow Scientologist Christina "Kumi" Kimball, a fashion executive for designer Craig Taylor. According to foxnews.com, "Hayes loves 'South Park' and needs it for income. He has a new wife and a baby on the way."

whatwhatWHAT?

Wow. If this is true - and I hope it is so we can all go on loving Isaac Hayes - then Scientology is even creepier than we thought.

What does Tom Cruise have to say to that?

"Don't touch my thetan! I'm crazy! Yibbidy dabbidy doo!"

kicked off

Say it ain't so!

While Ross is bumming out over The Red Sox losing Arroyo, I am far more saddened by this startling news:

By agreeing in principle to a deal with Adam Vinatieri on Tuesday, Indy swiped one of the top players from its old nemesis, New England, and also may have added the final piece to its elusive Super Bowl puzzle.

Vinatieri, who twice hit winning kicks in the Super Bowl for the Patriots, replaces former Pro Bowl kicker Mike Vanderjagt -- the league's most accurate kicker who also badly missed a 46-yarder that would have forced overtime against eventual Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh in January.

The deal was announced on the team's Web site, though terms weren't immediately available. Messages left with the Patriots and agents for Vinatieri by The Associated Press weren't immediately returned.

And to the COLTS no less!

Vinatieri drove a football 45 yards through a blinding blizzard to secure his place in the hearts of all Pats fans and hopefully, earned himself a spot in the Hall of Fame. I'm gonna miss watching him defy the odds.

And to me, that snow bowl kick will always define what I loved about the Super Bowl winning 2001-2002 Patriots.

people.

Some dude pissed himself on the subway today.

Just standing there, clutching a bag, pissed his pants.

And no one said anything.


Just pointing out that we live in a world where random dudes piss themselves in public and everyone just sort of accepts it. Like, "Yeah, that happens."


Public transportation would be a great idea...if we didn't have to share it with the public.

Quote of Darkness

Rarely does the theatrical cut of a movie exceed the director's cut - after all, the director's cut is what the director INTENDED, the cut of the movie they REALLY wanted to make. But every so often, the movie benefits from having some additional creative input.

Such is the case with Army of Darkness, the third film in the Evil Dead series.

Written by Sam and Ivan Raimi.

I could cite any number of reasons why I prefer the theatrical cut of this movie over Sam Raimi's director's cut, but it all boils down to this: the theatrical release contains my favorite quote. I don't know why an inferior line was used for the director's cut (when the rest of the scene is the same), but there you have it.

Hm? Oh. The line. That's easy. It's right after Ash shoots his evil counterpart in the face.

"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."

-Ash
(Bruce Campbell)

Great line. In the director's cut, after Evil Ash mocks him for being a "goody-little-two-shoes," Ash still shoots him, but instead quips: "I ain't that good." Eh. Not quite the same.

A side note: apparently, before the studio decided that it should stand on its own, apart from the first two Evil Dead installments, Raimi originally intended Army of Darkness to have a far more clever title:

Medieval Dead.

Heh. That's a groovy title, baby. Groovy.

sometimes it's just too easy

So, the wires today are reporting this:

Bush: US must resist temptation to quit Iraq

President George W. Bush on Saturday urged Americans to resist a temptation to retreat from Iraq but Democrats pressed him to offer a plan for drawing down U.S. troops and warned Iraq was moving closer to a civil war.

On the eve of the third anniversary of the launch of the war, Bush acknowledged setbacks and the prospect of more bloodshed in Iraq, where bodies are piling up amid waves of sectarian violence.

If I ran the media, I'd sum it up in one simple headline:

Bush to Iraq: "I wish I could quit you."

MI:III - The One Nobody Will See

'taint the Jews that run Hollywood no more, no siree, by gum.

It's them dern Scientologists.

Tom Cruise stopped Comedy Central from airing an episode of 'South Park' that mocks him - by threatening to refuse to promote 'Mission Impossible 3'. The now infamous episode of the cartoon 'Trapped in the Closet' pokes fun at the actor's Scientology beliefs and shows the actor trapped inside a closet.

The show, which was first aired last November, was set to be repeated on Wednesday night on Paramount cable channel Comedy Central. Paramount, owned by US media giant Viacom, is the studio behind the latest 'Mission Impossible' sequel.

However, the show was removed from the schedule at the last minute because Cruise reportedly went to Viacom executives demanding the episode be pulled otherwise he would "boycott" all promotion for 'MI3'.

Company representatives deny the actor was behind the cancellation, insisting the episode was replaced to honor Isaac Hayes - who announced last week has was quitting voicing the character of Chef. Scientologist Hayes resigned from the series, created by Matt Stone and Trey Parker, after complaining it encouraged people to ridicule religions.

A Viacom spokesperson said: "In light of the events of earlier this week, we wanted to give Chef an appropriate tribute by airing two episodes he is most known for."

So, um, who else ISN'T gonna see the new Mission: Impossible?



"Yibbidy dabbidy I'm crazy! Love my thetan! I'm trapped in a closet with Xenu!!!"

They're really taking to this democracy thing

To highlight the irony, please allow me to absurdly quote Axl Rose:

"What's so civil about war, anyway?"

So, Iraq is poised on the "brink of civil war."

Which I think is fantastic.

We're using America as the ideal model of democracy, and it took us 85 YEARS before we had a Civil War. The Iraqis are already there. They are on the fast track to Democracy, my friends!

The Man from MARVEL

One more reason why he can be called Stan "the Man" Lee.

If the reports are true, this video could be one of the coolest clips ever. Stan Lee. Kibbitzing with a possible former CIA assassin.

I'm putting this in my Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD pitch to Marvel.

Thanks for the link, Rich.

today's brilliant quote

Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me.

-Elwood P. Dowd
(Jimmy Stewart)

Harvey

Screenplay by: Mary Chase and Oscar Brodney, Myles Connolly (uncredited)

Adapted from the play by Mary Chase.

Buddha, Mind, and Soul

I wonder if you can meditate so hard you can make yourself invisible:

Nepali police began hunting on Saturday for a teenaged boy who some people believe is an reincarnation of Buddha after he disappeared from the site where he had been meditating for almost 10 months.

Fifteen-year-old Ram Bahadur Bamjon has not been seen since early Saturday, said Hari Krishna Khatiwada, a district official of Bara, 150 km (95 miles) southeast of Kathmandu.

The boy had been meditating there without food or water since May. Some of his followers are also missing.

"So far we have found no trace of them," Khatiwada said.

Sitting cross-legged beneath a "pipal" tree, which is sacred to Hindus, Bomjon drew more than 100,000 people to the dense forests in southeastern Nepal.

But visitors were only allowed to see him from 50 metres (165 feet) away and the boy was hidden from public view at night behind a curtain drawn by his followers.

I wonder if Monster.com has a job opening for something like this. Being the new Buddha sounds awesome!

To wit:

he had been meditating for almost 10 months.

Months. Just sitting around, thinking. I can do that.

I'm good, how are you?

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone involved in last night's super fun good time show at the Tank. A great audience, a great show, a great time.

'nuff said.

good news for Sox fans

The Red Sox are looking pretty hot in this year's World Baseball Classic.

From the wires:

Adam Stern, a young backup outfielder for the Boston Red Sox, hit an inside-the-park homer, drove in four runs and made two sensational catches in center to lead Canada over the United States 8-6 Wednesday in the World Baseball Classic.

Jason Varitek's 448-foot grand slam helped bring the United States back from an 8-0 deficit, but a Canadian team made up largely of minor leaguers held on.

David Ortiz and Adrian Beltre each homered twice, leading the Dominican Republic to an 11–5 victory over Venezuela on Tuesday in the opening game of the World Baseball Classic’s Pool D.

With a tight score at 6-5, Ortiz hit it out in the ninth with Miguel Tejada on base to give his team a breather. Later Beltré his another two run home run, to further bury Venezuela.

Who needs Johnny Damon? *sniff*

This could be the year...again.

My new favorite SPAM name

I love when spammers generate wonky names, hoping to fake me out and get me to open up their spam. And sometimes, I truly admire the end result of their efforts.

From my spam box today, my new favorite Spam Name:

Mr Damion Funk

It is perfect unto itself. It sounds like a member of The Invisibles.

Nice and smooth.

All My Friends are in ASPEN

Well, not all of them.

But a lot of them.

Best of luck to all the funny guys and gals I know who got lucky this year!

And that's all it is, ya hear me? Luck! Ya just got lucky!

Lucky bastards.

*grumble*grumble*grumble*scurvyspider*grumble*grumble*

PS: I AM NOT JEALOUS.

I'm petty. There's a difference.

googling for geeks

It's funny how many hits my lame-o blog gets from folks googling "Lauren Bergfeld" - mainly, because of this post from waaaaaaaaay back in June, 2005.

Cute and adorable Lauren was on this show that I absolutely hated, Beauty & the Geek. Nothing against the good folks on the show, it's the show itself and its core concept: all geeks are socially inept but make money and all pretty girls are golddiggers. The show, in my opinion, denigrates both geeks and women and I don't think either of those groups are really in need of more mockery these days. Perpetuating long out-of-date stereotypes bugs me. Sorry.

Back to the point. Lauren. Obviously, I wasn't the only geek who thought she was cute, as fan sites began popping up and she made her way back to the next season of the FOX show (of which I have not seen an episode).

In the aforementioned post, I joked that maybe Lauren would find this blog by googling her name. And that, friends, is exactly what happened.

You like me huh?

Well, look what I am doing now!

I am playing football and getting paid for it.

http://news.yahoo.com/news? tmpl=...r3069522528.jpg

kisses!

Lauren
Lauren Bergfeld | Homepage | 02.06.06 - 5:06 pm | #

It almost sounds like a middle school note. Adorable. And a link to herself in the Lingerie Bowl. Cute. Always be plugging something!

So there you have it, geeks. Stop stalking hapless women. Just mention a lady's name on your website and she will find you through the magic of google.

Just stay away from the whole MySpace thing. That place is creepy.

out of touch

By the way, my respect for George Clooney just jumped WAAAAY up.

God bless YouTube.

THIS is how you make a statement in your Oscar acceptance speech.

Concise, heartfelt, and enlightening, it's the strongest recent argument I've heard in response to dipshits who deride any art that actually tries to create a change in society as being "out of touch."

"And finally, I would say that, you know, we are a little bit out of touch in Hollywood every once in a while. I think it's probably a good thing. We're the ones who talked about AIDS when it was just being whispered, and we talked about civil rights when it wasn't really popular. And we, you know, we bring up subjects. This Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I'm proud to be a part of this Academy. Proud to be part of this community, and proud to be out of touch. And I thank you so much for this."

Well said.

And for the record, Batman and Robin was not your fault. Clearly, you were brainwashed by Joel Schumacher's mind-control nipple ray.

not fair

Dana Reeve, who fought for better treatments and possible cures for paralysis through the Christopher Reeve Foundation, named for her late actor-husband, has died. She was 44.

Reeve died Monday of lung cancer, said Kathy Lewis, president and CEO of the foundation.

"On behalf of the entire Board of Directors and staff of the Christopher Reeve Foundation, we are extremely saddened by the death of Dana Reeve, whose grace and courage under the most difficult of circumstances was a source of comfort and inspiration to all of us," Lewis said in a statement.

Reeve won worldwide admiration for her support of her husband, best known for as the star of "Superman," after he was paralyzed in a horse-riding accident in 1996.

She served as chairwoman of the Christopher Reeve Foundation and founded the Christopher and Dana Reeve Paralysis Resource Center.

Christopher Reeve died in 2004. In August, Dana Reeve announced she had been diagnosed with lung cancer.

She lived in Westchester County, near New York, with the couple's son, Will. She has appeared on Broadway, off-Broadway and regional stages and on the TV shows "Law & Order," "Oz," and "All My Children."

"Dana will always be remembered for her passion, strength and ceaseless courage that became her hallmark," Lewis said. "Along with her husband, Christopher, she faced adversity with grace and determination, bringing hope to millions around the world."

Please hold

Okay, so this semester has gotten quite busy. Lots o' writing.

And then it's Army weekend again.

I have some shows coming up next week and I will get around to deconstructing Superman III.

In the meantime, please entertain yourself with the thought of Shaq busting criminals dressed as Kazaam.

"You break the law, jack, you deal with Shaq! KA-ZAAAAAAM!"