weekend SITREP

Friday:

2 shows, both went exceptionally well.

Rififi was packed, mostly thanks to the large group of folks who came out to see Max Silvestri and Abe Smith. They have a great group of supportive friends. A few o' my pals also came out to support me, and that was nice, too. Warmed my bitter little heart.

I opened the show. It went well. I think I even managed to get a decent tape out of the deal.

So that was a nice start to the evening.

Much thanks to Greg Johnson for throwing me up and to Dan Newbower for taping my set. He had a great set, too. And to Brian Longwell for doing a great job. And to Max and Abe, as well, for great sets and for bringing out most of the crowd. Thanks all around!

After meeting and greeting with the Rififi crowd, I high-tailed it uptown to the 45th Street Theatre for the 11 PM Laughing Liberally show. Peeking out into the audience, I noticed two familiar faces, Josh Kantor and Mary Eaton from back home in Boston, MA. What the hell were they doing here in NYC? At 11 o'clock at night?! They were there to see me. Awwww.

I closed out the show. Great show, in fact, featuring the lovely Jen Dziura on hosting duties and the left-leaning comedy stylings of Bob Smith and Syd Bernstein. Their very funny sets were followed by Jaime Jackson rocking the pi-a-no.

Man, I thought to myself, I don't wanna follow a musical act.

But, I was closing out this show, so I figured I should at least act like a closer. Which I did. And I had a blast. Tried some new stuff, felt very loose, had fun with the audience, got some very positive feedback, and overall, felt great about the set.

So, thanks to all involved! Well done, lads and ladies.

Saturday, another Boston friend of mine was in town with her kick-ass band, The Saturday Saints. They rocked the Knitting Factory last night and if you've not yet heard them, you need to correct that.

Check out their demo online.

Click here for WALKING BY THE SEA.

You're welcome.

Huh.

You learn something new every day.

You scored as Cultural Creative.

Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative 100% Postmodernist 69% Idealist 69% Existentialist 63% Modernist 44% Materialist 44% Romanticist 44% Fundamentalist 31% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

And I thought I was a postmodern romantic existential idealist...

today's quote - in memorium

From the The Incredible Mr. Limpet.

Screenplay by:

Jameson Brewer
John C. Rose
Joe DiMona (adaptation)

Novel by Theodore Pratt

"I wish, I wish I was a fish."

-Mr. Limpet
(Don Knotts)

And sadly, the need for another quote:

"Notta fingah!!"

- The Old Man
(Darren McGavin)

A Christmas Story

Screenplay by:
Jean Shepherd
Leigh Brown
Bob Clark

Attention filthy hippies!

2 shows tomorrow night!!

A quick set on the Greg Johnson Show at Rififi at 8PM, along with some of Boston's other favorite sons:

Dan Newbower!
Max Silvestri!
Abe Smith!
Brian Longwell!
& hosted by true gentleman lover:
Greg Johnson!

Feel the Boston love tomorrow night at 8. It'll be wicked pissah!

Friday, February 24th @ 8PM
The Greg Johnson Show
Rififi
332 East 11th Street (between 1st & 2nd Ave), New York City

THEN:

I'll be doing a very fair & balanced set friday night at 11 pm. So make sure those early-to-bed right wingers are safely tucked into bed for a good night's sleep, and then come out and party with the lefties!

Also featuring Syd Bernstein and Bob Smith.

And hosted by Jennifer Dziura, who looks pretty darn good in Wonder Woman underwear. I'm just sayin'...

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24th, 11 PM

The LAUGHING LIBERALLY LAB

45th Street Theater
354 West 45th Street, 2nd floor
(Between 8th and 9th Ave.)
Reservations: (212) 967-7079 x210
$10.

Sure, things look bleak now, but haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter? Come out and laugh...before Dick Cheney shoots you in the face.

Seriously.

He will shoot you in the face.

Laugh with (or at) those crazy lib'ril types. Friday. 11 PM.

Unless you've already tapped my phone. In which case you already know the info.

Five Fists of Hell Yeah!

MARK TWAIN!

NIKOLA TESLA!

NEW YORK CITY!

THE AWESOME POWER OF SCIENCE!

THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD!

The Five Fists of Science.

Yes. I believe I shall be picking this up.

Portly Insecure

Maybe it isn't the best idea to put a company owned by the United Arab Emirates in control of operations at major American ports in major American cities. You know, when we're currently involved in a war with some Arab nations. Luckily, we have spin doctors hard at work, trying to tell Americans that concens over terrorism equal racism against Arabs. It's good spin.

Potential terrorist ties of Dubai aside, I think the skirmish over US-Arab relations obscures the real problem here:

OUTSOURCING.

Okay, so in this instance it's Dubai, which causes some alarm. Maybe the concern is overstated, but it still raises concern. As it should. Today's allies are tomorrow's enemies. No foreign company should ever be in charge of anything that involves the security of America. Under ANY circumstances.

I'm opposed to having an Arab company secure our ports the same as I'm opposed to a British company running our ports the same as I'm opposed to having a Japanese or Australian or Canadian or German or any country that ISN'T the US controlling our ports. Any foreign company overseeing American security concerns me. Because US national security is only a primary concern for the US. For any other country, our security is just business. And our national security should never be "just business." We may have some problems, but I'm pretty sure that we, as Americans, can find enough qualified people to pull our own damn security and operate our own damn ports.

Just thinking out loud here, but don't we have, oh, I don't know, any AMERICAN companies that could do this job? Or, perhaps, like a standing Army or some sort of Fedrealized port security marshalls or maybe, what are they called, a National Guard or a Coast Guard or something that could oversee port operations? Just tossing out suggestions. I mean, a lot of tax-payer money is going toward the Department of Homeland Security; it can't ALL be going toward secret domestic spy programs...can it?

All I know is, Americans could use jobs. And our ports could use managing and securing. I'm thinking that finding Americans jobs managing and securing American ports might be a way to solve such problems.

Because outsourcing our national security is a terrible solution. No matter how you spin it.

What we need is a true American hero to guarantee safety and security for America's ports.

And I know just the patriotic law enforcement official for this tough job...

WAH-HOOOO!

Thanks to the supremely awesome Alex at the bestest comic book store ever, I am now the proud owner of:



Jealous?

In other geeky news....

Maybe 9/11 drove Frank Miller nuts, maybe it didn't. But one thing's for sure: Holy Terror, Batman! is the book Frank Miller NEEDED to write. I actually don't think it's a bad thing to have Batman punching out one of America's deadliest foes. It's just following in the proud tradition of comics as power fantasy and wish fulfillment, which Miller himself points out:

Superman punched out Hitler. So did Captain America. That’s one of the things they’re there for. These are symbols of our people, of our country. These are our folk heroes. It just seemed to be kind of silly to be chasing around the Riddler when you’ve got al-Qaeda out there.

I totally agree. And at least Miller has Batman hunting down Osama and al-Qaeda. You know, the actual terrorists who attacked us. He could have had Batman going after Saddam if he were going for the straight up, gung-ho, "USA! USA!" take on the War on Terrorism. If Miller tried to tie Saddam Hussein to al-Qaeda's terrorist attack on 9/11...well, now that would be crazy.

Meanwhile, this take on it is awesome:

...I've taught ladies plenty...

Because it's stuck in my head right now, one of the greatest TV theme songs ever:

The Unknown Stuntman.

The theme to The Fall Guy. Sung by Lee Majors himself.

And now it's in your head, too. Ah hey hey!

Quote of Steel

For Ross.

Because I've been thinking about Superman III. I think the genius of this quote speaks for itself.



"Ya Always wanted to fly, Kent. Now's yer chance!"

- Evil Superman
(Christopher Reeve)

Superman III

Screenplay by
David & Leslie Newman.

Quick Plugs

Tomorrow night, come see live stand-up comedy!!! A splendid time is guaranteed for all!*

Monday, February 20th @ 9PM
Sweet Paprika
The D Lounge
101 E. 15th Street, New York City

On Friday night, come see livelefty hippy comedy!!! They put the "commie" in comedy!**

Friday, February 24th @ 11PM
Laughing Liberally
The Lab @ the Tank
45th Street Theater 354 West 45th Street, 2nd floor (Between 8th and 9th Ave.)

*A splendid time not actually guaranteed for all. Degree of enjoyment may vary.

**Not actually Commies, but they will be called Commies by Ann Coulter's adam's apple.

"This time is going to be the best time of all"

Christopher Reeve will always be the definitive Superman. Always. Let's just get that out of the way. And while I'm cautiously optimistic about Bryan Singer's upcoming Superman Returns, Superman and Superman II will always remain my favorites. And since so much has been said about these great (but none-the-less flawed) films, I'd like to reflect upon the bastard children of the franchise...

I thought I would put my newfound screenwriting expertise to good use and examine a lost treasure of bad cinema:

Superman III.

I'll get to Superman IV: The Quest for Peace another day. For now, let's just look at Superman III. So much could have worked in this movie. And so much didn't. From the flimsy, comedic script of David and Leslie Newman to the poorly conceived villains, Superman III failed to live up to the high standards of the first two movies. In this examination, I will attempt - through my brilliant expertise - to not only pinpoint the failings of the movie, but also try to understand why it failed. I will also offer my solutions and present to you all how I would have solved the problem. But today, before we get into a critical analysis of the entire film, let's first look to the trailer, to see if we can find any hint of the awfulness that was to come.

Also, please note, I have nothing but love and admiration for Richard Pryor, Christopher Reeve, and Superman. And director Richard Lester (who directed A Hard Day's Night, among other things). I do this with love and affection.

Let's start by examining the trailer...

Watch the trailer here and follow along!

* Nice start - the familiar strains of that John Williams theme is guaranteed to get audiences excited. The enthusiastic build, the triumphant march playing over the quaint Warner Bros. logo`sucks you right in. So far so good.

* "When it's time for adventure...it's time for Superman." Whoosh. Reddish, cloudy sky, the red/blue/yellow blur streaking across the top, exploding into the silver S-shield. A little cheesy, but hey. Still cool.

* "Alexander Salkind presents Christopher Reeve and Richard Pryor in Superman III." Christopher Reeve gets top billing. Cool. Uh oh. Cheesy card-board cut-out Superman just shattered the S-shield. Terrible effect. Not a good sign.

* "This time...Richard Pryor has come to Metropolis." Okay. Stop right there. First off, the clip they show is Richard Pryor arriving in Smallville. To further drive home the point that we're in rural Smallville, Clark is even wearing his red, Smallville sweater draped over his shoulders. So, they're lying to us. And they make it sound like it's gonna be an Abbot & Costello-type movie where Pryor plays himself, like it's a buddy movie with him and Superman. More deception. Oy. And hilarity is already ensuing as bumbling Clark Kent opens the car door into bumbling Richard Pryor! It's a comedy.

* "...and he's got something to sell." Looks like Pryor is selling a lot of alcohol. Hm. Are they trying to tell us something? Like, 'you're gonna need a lot of liquer to enjoy this movie.'

* "He's the best con man..." Shot of Pryor dressed as a General, looking comical. So, he's the villain, then? Is that what they're saying? Also, anyone with any passing familiarity with this movie knows that in the actual movie, he's a TERRIBLE con man. So, another lie.

* "...and the world's greatest computer genius." Really? The world's greatest computer genius? He doesn't look it. More lies? Although, I am willing to cut them a little slack here since obviously, the makers of this movie knew very little about computers and what they could actually do. Those were heady days, 1983.

* "But then, he falls..." Okay, we're taking things a little too literally here as the corresponding clip is of Richard Pryor falling off a building. Actually, he's skiing off a building, but c'mon. Who made this trailer?
Editor dude: 'Well, the voiceover says he falls - quick, I need a shot of Richard Pryor falling!'
Jackass.

* "...for a scheme to turn the ultimate computer into the ultimate weapon." Oh. He falls for an evil SCHEME. So why am I still watching Richard Pryor falling off a building? And if he's "the best con man," how could he fall for a scheme? Is there a better best con man in the movie? This trailer makes no sense! And where is Superman? Isn't this a trailer for a Superman movie?

* Shot of Richard Pryor telling Robert Vaughn that he can make the computer do "anything that you tell me to tell it to do." So, Robert Vaughn is in this movie, too. You wouldn't have known it from the trailer. Is he the real bad guy? I thought the trailer implied that Richard Pryor was the bad guy. Well, first it implied that he was coming to Metropolis when he was in Smallville, then it implied that he was the best con man, but he falls for someone else's scheme, then...
we're over a minute into the trailer and still no Superman! This trailer kind of sucks so far.

* "A machine so powerful..." Back to the computer. Maybe the computer is the villain. A shot of a giant super-computer thing. And Richard Pryor is really happy to see it. "Baby...it's daddy!" Somethin' weird is going on between Richard Pryor and that computer. Seriously, where the hell is Superman?

* "It can control the Earth..." Shot of a satelite in space firing a laser beam toward earth...which messes up the city's traffic lights? And apparently, everyone in the world does exactly what the traffic signals tell them to do...because they're idiots. I don't think Richard Lester or the Newmans understand how traffic lights really work. I hope this computer can do more than cause a traffic jam of dumb people. Oh, a car hit a fire hydrant. HEY! SUPERMAN! It's Superman! In the trailer! He's doing something! He's...ripping off the sunroof to a car filled with water! He saved a dude. Now, not to nitpick here, but this is a scene from the opening credit sequence, having nothing to do with the computer...so, once again, the trailer is lying to us. Just wanted to point that out. But, hey! Finally, we get to see Superman in his own trailer!

* "...change the weather..." Shot of a hurricane or something. Somewhere. There's a bamboo hut being blown over in a monsoon, it looks like. And now Robert Vaughn is toasting Richard Pryor. He says he's a genius, so I guess I'm supposed to believe him. If the only thing I knew about this movie was what I saw in this trailer, I'd be pretty confused right now. What the hell is Robert Vaughn doing here?! I wish they would show more Superman.

* "...and reprogram Superman." Hey. Superman! Okay, it looks like the computer has a little diagnostic of Superman...and, oh! Hot blonde on the Statue of Liberty! Aaaand...evil Superman. "I hope you don't expect me to save you, because I don't do that anymore." Damn! That computer totally reprogrammed Superman! Now it's lookin' good. Now I'm intrigued. Note: In the actual movie, it's the imperfect kryptonite (akin to the comic book's red kryptonite) that actually turns Superman evil. Again, the trailer LIES. But things are looking like something's gonna happen with badass Superman. And he is totally gonna bang that blonde.

* Okay, a little montage here. Angry Superman, he's...looks like he's flipping a switch and...DAMN! He's totally crushing Clark Kent! How can this be?! Now I totally need to see this movie! And now he looks a little cleaned up and...missiles, okay....and Superman, he looks like he's good again and...more missiles and...what the-? A space shuttle looking thing? And it's gonna hit Superman! Is he gonna die? Oh no! He totally died! Wait. Robert Vaughn again. "He didn't die." Oh, he didn't die. I guess those missiles didn't kill Superman after all. Well, so much for dramatic tension. Vaughn's still talking. "I ask you to kill Superman and you're telling me you couldn't even do that one, simple thing." Funny line. Richard Pryor is totally scared.

* Superman again! Yeah! "All right, Webster, the game's over." Webster? Is that Richard Pryor? Robert Vaughn? Emmanuel Lewis? Who the hell is Webster? (Note: It's Robert Vaughn)
Oh no! Kryptonite! It's a green beam! The computer totally has a kryptonite beam!

* Back to the voiceover: "But only the man who pulled the switch on Superman..." I assume they're referring to Richard Pryor here. Who looks a little uncomfortable. He's sort of a sucky bad guy. Shot is of Pryor saying "I'm not with them, Superman. Superman responds: "Could've fooled me, mister." Oh, SNAP! The Man of Steel totally owns you. Or pwned you. Is that how you say it on the internet?

* "...can pull the plug on super-machine." Okay, so I guess it's up to Richard Pryor to save the day? Let's look at this sentence as a whole. "Only the man who pulled the switch on Superman...can pull the plug on super-machine." Does this even really make sense? Did he pull the Kryptonite switch on Superman? Cuz it looked like he didn't want to hurt Superman...um, and now Robert Vaughn tells him: "You're going to go down in history as the man who killed Superman." But Richard Pryor doesn't look happy about it, he's shaking his head, saying "No." What kind of mixed messages are we getting from this trailer?! I don't know. I just don't know anymore.

* Okay, Superman's in trouble here...and now he holds out his hand, but clearly post-production wasn't done yet because there's no sfx to go with it, and....now the computer blows up. They just showed the climax to the entire movie. Right there. Well at least we don't now what happens after...oh, there's Superman pulling Richard Pryor out of the rubble...so, now we know what happens after. And cue cheesy, 70's-esque "put it there, brother" black-guy/white-guy handshake in 3,2...Handshake! Oh, they even gave it some soul. And Pryor says, "Thank you, brother." Wow. When did Superman III turn into a blaxploitation flick? I almost hear Isaac Hayes singing, "Can you dig it?"

* And now Superman is flying a scared Richard Pryor over the trees, laughing at him - hysterical! It's a comedy again! And then another cheesy graphic and color headshots, mostly of the folks we haven't even seen in the trailer!

* Voiceover: "Superman III. This time is going to be the best time of all."

"This time is going to be the best time of all." I think that pretty much sums it all up perfectly.

So that's the trailer. Gotta say, it's not looking too good for the movie itself. Which we'll get to another time.

To Be Continued...

Paw and Order

Uh oh! Trouble at the airport!

Dog Goes Missing After Westminster Show!!!

A dog that won an award this week in the Westminster Kennel Club show escaped from its cage at John F. Kennedy International Airport on Wednesday and was believed to be on the loose in the surrounding area.

The dog, a whippet, broke free at about noon, said Tiffany Townsend, a spokeswoman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which runs area airports.

Port Authority police were working with its owners to search the area where planes arrive and depart, she said.

"They're looking every possible place they can to see if they can locate the dog," Townsend said.

This looks like a job for....UNDERCOVER KITTY!!!

you wouldn't like him when you break the law...

Shaq just got some back-up.

Lou Ferrigno becomes reserve LA County sheriff's deputy

Would-be criminals beware: you don't want to run afoul of Deputy Lou "The Incredible Hulk" Ferrigno.

The former bodybuilder and star of the 1970s TV show no longer turns into a raging green monster when he sees people breaking the law. But since being sworn in Monday night as a Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department reserve deputy, he has the power to arrest them.

"I'm having a blast," Ferrigno told The Associated Press after his swearing-in ceremony.

"My father was a police officer with the New York Police Department, I've always had a high respect for officers," he added. "I want to give back to the community, and I want to work with young kids, help them get off drugs."

Ferrigno, 54, began training to become a reserve deputy last September after passing a background check. He completed training in firearms, first aid, and high speed driving techniques and was recognized as "an outstanding trainee" by Sheriff Lee Baca.

"Mr. Ferrigno will certainly help inspire those currently serving as reserves, and he'll be an encouragement to those who may wish to become" reserve deputies, Baca said in a statement.

Ferrigno, who will serve at least 20 hours a month, suffered a partial hearing loss in childhood that will result in his being assigned to duties that likely won't result in his having to make arrests. Instead, he'll focus on helping recruit new deputies and work with the sheriff's Youth Activities League and the Special Victims Bureau, which assists abused children.

Ferrigno was a renowned bodybuilder before he starred in the CBS television series "The Incredible Hulk" from 1977 to 1982. The late actor Bill Bixby played mild-mannered scientist David Bruce Banner who, as Ferrigno, turned into a Herculean, green-skinned monster whenever he lost his temper. He switched back to Bixby's character as soon as he calmed down.

In recent years, Ferrigno has appeared as himself on the CBS sitcom "The King of Queens."

I can't wait 'til he and Shaq team-up in the coolest law enforcement crossover EVER.

I Heart You

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

strange spam

As always, spam provides me with an endless source of entertainment. I have no idea what the following subject line means, but it sure does sound intriguing!

This is most modern and safe way not to cover with shame


It looks like this e-mail came from a Japanese marketing company. From the makers of happy fun kitty good time, now you can not cover with shame in best safe way for modern!!!

brilliant quote for today

From the 2000 film State and Main.


"So, that happened."

-Bob Barrenger
(Alec Baldwin)

Screenplay by David Mamet.

gitmo winter

As the snow piles up outside and the bitter winds whip past my New York window, I am reminded of one small perk of an Army deployment to Guantanamo Bay: it's damn hot in the winter. Weird to think that three years ago, I was spending my days with this lovely lady:

The lady's name was Baby.

And I don't think I need to tell you, nobody put Baby in the corner.

VP "accidentally" shoots some dude

Let me repeat this:

The Vice President of the United States has actually shot a man.

Cheney shoots man on Texas quail hunting trip
Man wounded in accidental shooting said to be ‘alert and doing fine’

BREAKING NEWS
The Associated Press
Updated: 4:25 p.m. ET Feb. 12, 2006


WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday.

Harry Whittington, 78, was “alert and doing fine” after Cheney sprayed him with shotgun pellets on Saturday while the two were hunting at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.

Armstrong said Whittington was mostly injured on his right side, with the pellets hitting his cheek, neck and chest, and was taken to the hospital by ambulance.

Whittington was in stable condition Sunday, said Yvonne Wheeler, spokeswoman for the Christus Spohn Health System.

Cheney’s spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, said the vice president was with Whittington, a lawyer from Austin, Texas, and his wife at the hospital on Sunday afternoon.

Armstrong said she was watching from a car while Cheney, Whittington and another hunter got out of the vehicle to shot at a covey of quail late afternoon on Saturday.

Whittington shot a bird and went to look for it in the tall grass, while Cheney and the third hunter walked to another spot and found a second covey.

Whittington “came up from behind the vice president and the other hunter and didn’t signal them or indicate to them or announce himself,” Armstrong told the Associated Press in an interview.

“The vice president didn’t see him,” she continued. “The covey flushed and the vice president picked out a bird and was following it and shot. And by God, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good.”

The shooting was first reported by the Corpus Christi Caller-Times. The vice president's office did not disclose the accident until nearly 24 hours after it happened.

Here's how I think the conversation on that hunting trip went:

Cheney: So, Harry, I heard the Grand Jury's been asking you some questions...

Whittington: Hm? Oh, yeah, Dick. But you got nuthin' t'worry about.

Cheney: Of course. Of course. I just...wanted to be sure that you're on board with us.

Whittington: Oh, yeah. Don't you fret, Dick. I just answered a few questions, told them what they wanted to hear.

Cheney: But you didn't tell them everything.

Whittington: Oh, no. No. 'Course not. Don't worry, Dick. We're good. You gotta trust me.

Cheney: I'm not worried, Harry. I know I can trust you.

Whittington: I won't tell them nuthin' about you.

Cheney: I know you won't, Harry. Hey, isn't that a quail over there in the bushes?

Whittington: Where? Over --

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Cheney: I know you won't tell them anything.


Aaaaaaaaaaaaand scene.

Even your pets are watching you

Kitten Goes Undercover in Vet Scam Probe

By TOM HAYS, Associated Press WriterWed Feb 8, 6:09 PM ET

He came from the streets of Brooklyn, a cool customer on four legs, the perfect bait for a sting on a fake veterinarian.

Meet Fred, undercover kitten.

This sounds like the opening of a Disney pitch meeting.

Authorities on Wednesday introduced the 8-month-old former stray cat that posed as a would-be patient while police investigated a college student accused of treating pets without a license.

At a news conference, Fred sported a tiny badge on his collar as he posed for photos with owner Carol Moran, a prosecutor.

"He's pretty easygoing, a real Brooklyn guy," Moran said.

Fred shared the spotlight with Burt the Boston terrier, an alleged victim of Steven Vassall, 28, who was arrested last week and released on $2,500 bail.

Burt's owner, Raymond Reid, contacted authorities after the dog survived a botched operation. In hindsight, he said, he should have been suspicious of a veterinarian who only made house calls and treated animals at an undisclosed location.

Vassall "seemed like a genuinely nice guy," Reid said. "I'm glad they caught him, but at the same time I feel sorry for him."

snip

Joyce Clemmons of the nonprofit Animal Care and Control, which rescued Fred, predicted the kitten had a future in law enforcement.

"He's going to be the detective for the animal world," she said.

Must...resist...easy joke...

can't...resist....

A kitten with a badge. I bet he gets a lot of pussy.

what's the Arabic word for "irony"...?

Okay...so there's this story.

In short, a cartoonist provides satirical commentary that some extremists have perverted the Muslim faith and the word of Muhammad, using it as an excuse for violence.

The 12 cartoons published on 30 September 2005 by the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten show the Muslim Prophet Muhammad in a variety of humorous or satirical situations.

The pictures accompanied an editorial criticising self-censorship after Danish writer Kare Bluitgen complained that he was unable to find an illustrator for his children's book about the Prophet.

Some of the images appear to be quite gentle in their message - the Prophet wandering through the desert with the sun setting behind him, or his face merging with an Islamic star and crescent.

Others, however, seem to be more deliberately provocative towards Muslims, most notably showing Muhammad carrying a lit bomb on his head decorated with the Muslim declaration of faith instead of a turban.

One shows Muhammad brandishing a sword ready for a fight. His eyes are blacked out while two women stand behind him with their Islamic dress leaving only their eyes uncovered.

Another image shows Muhammad standing on a cloud holding back a line of smouldering suicide bombers, saying: "Stop, we have run out of virgins" - a reference to the supposed reward for Islamic martyrs.

Some Muslims have been offended, saying it portrays Muslims as violent, bloodthirsty, irrational extremists.

The portrayal of the Prophet Muhammad and Muslims in general as terrorists is seen as particularly offensive.

And how do these Muslims respond?

Through violent, bloodthirsty, irrational and extreme behavior, of course.

The anti-Danish protests have been repeated across the Muslim world, and have led to at least eight deaths in Afghanistan and one in Somalia.

The latest three deaths in Afghanistan came on Tuesday in an exchange of gunfire with Afghan police and Nato peacekeepers in the north-western town of Meymaneh, witnesses said.

Nato peacekeepers sent 120 British reinforcements to the town after hundreds of Afghans protesting at the cartoons attacked a Norwegian-led base.

Yep. Way to prove that Danish cartoonist wrong.

Brilliant Quote O' the Day

"He's out. And you're out, too. And I dont think I'm in, either. No gang!"

-Dignan
(Owen Wilson)

Bottle Rocket

Screenplay by Owen Wilson & Wes Anderson

Bonus Dignan Quote!

"They'll never catch me... because I'm fucking innocent."

Jury's still out on Global Warming

Current Location: Brooklyn, NY

Current date: February 3rd, 2006

Current Temperature: 61° F

News on the March!

Intel Chiefs Say Disclosures Damage Work

U.S. intelligence officials told Congress on Thursday that disclosure of once-classified projects like President Bush's no-warrant eavesdropping program have undermined their work.

How can we illegally and unconstitutionally spy on American citizens if everybody knows about it?!

If it were legal, we wouldn't have to keep it secret. Duh.

I suppose we should just tell everyone about the secret plan to hike gas prices, too. Is that what you want, hippies?